Love, Beca

4 - Let It Be

hey guys. just like most of my fics, i lost motivation for this story for a long time, so i'm sorry it has taken so long for me to update. i have so many ideas for this story that i want to keep writing so i am going to try to update more frequently but life is probably going to get in the way.

i hope you enjoy :)

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Beca glanced out of the window of her truck. As she waited for Stacie to come out of the front door, her gaze drifted up the driveway towards the small brick house. Stacie tended to work at her own pace, so Beca was used to waiting for her, but she didn't get any less impatient. She was probably adding another layer of lipstick, or straightening her (already straight) hair, doing whatever she could to test the small brunette's patience.

She stared back down at her phone and reread the email she sent to Red last night. Her eyes hovered over the first line of her email - 'I've known my entire life that I wasn't like most girls'. It wasn't until Beca first wrote to Red that she really understood her feelings. Finally spilling her thoughts into the email allowed her to dig further into her mind, back to when she first realised she was gay. At fourteen Beca thought there was something wrong with her, but knowing that she wasn't the only one feeling that way took away some of her previous anxiety.

She wasn't like most other girls, and she was okay with that. Beca had always been different, but for a while she tried to hide it by blending in with her peers. It took her years to finally embrace her true identity - now she wore dark makeup and tomboy-ish clothes as her way of expressing herself. She didn't want to fit in anymore, she was who she was and nothing would change that. Beca was comfortable with herself, so why hadn't she come out to anyone yet? She wasn't hiding, she was just...waiting. For what exactly, she didn't know, but she couldn't wait forever.

It was gone midnight when Beca got home the previous night, after replying to Red's email she had sat in her truck for a few hours, just listening to music and letting her mind wander. She thought about her Dad, and how much better their relationship had been since Katherine and Emily entered their lives, he was sober and he had completely changed himself to be a better person. They had been getting along great, but last night felt like there had been no progress; Beca's father still shot down her dreams and made her feel so unimportant in her own life.

Beca also thought about her Mom, how she wished she were still alive - Beca could talk to her about anything, and if she were still here, Beca would have definitely told her about her sexuality. She just felt so alone without anyone to talk to, but maybe her newfound friend could be that person for her.

She held her breath as she refreshed her emails, hoping with everything she had that Red would have replied. Her heart leapt into her chest at the new email sitting in her inbox.

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FROM: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com
TO: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
SUBJECT: baby gay

I was the girl who'd play soccer with the boys, then run inside and turn myself into a princess with the girls. I guess that was the bisexual in me.

It's taken me a while to really get here, but I've been certain for about two years. It was a lot of little things that made me sure, starting with the major crush on Emily Fields, but also being completely in love with Caleb. There was a girl for me too. At first, I thought I wanted to be her because she was so cool, but then I realised it was more than that – I wanted to kiss her.

One of my first girl crushes was Emma Watson. I worshiped the Harry Potter series growing up (I still do) and looking back on it now, my slight obsession with Emma is the reason why I'd watch it so much.