Love, Beca

7 - Secret Lover

It didn't happen instantly, but once Beca had actually felt alive enough to brave opening her eyes, the previous nights events ran through her head.

Chloe walking out of the bar with Chicago.

Drinking and throwing back shots until she had stumbled out of the bar stool.

Jesse driving her home and walking her to her front door.

Her Dad waiting up for her and looking at her in disappointment.

Emailing Red.

Wait...she emailed Red, whilst drunk.

Beca had never sat up faster than she did then, her head throbbed as she reached for her phone. The thought of coffee and painkillers was shoved aside as she clicked on the unread email in her inbox.

-

FROM: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com
TO: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
SUBJECT: hey

Melody,

I'm guessing from your last email you were a little intoxicated too? Were you at the Kick Affiliation gig?

I hope you had a good night.

I know last night I said that I wanted to kiss you, to know who are you, but I'm not ready for that yet. I was drunk and the truth is, our secret emails feel like my safe place and I don't know if I'm ready for everything to change. Trust me, I think about kissing you and holding you every day, and I want to meet you, but I can't let you know who I am yet.

I'm sorry.

- Red

-

Beca would have been lying if she'd said that Red's email hadn't made her heart sink to the bottom of her chest. She understood what Red was saying, Beca wasn't even sure if she was ready to come out either, but it still hurt to hear that. Beca really wanted to meet Red, because all she had been thinking about lately was being able to kiss her and even just hold her hand like normal couples do, it wasn't fair that they had to hide behind a computer screen.

She clicked on her last 'sent' email and braced herself for whatever the hell she had written.

"I sound like a fucking stalker," Beca groaned, as her eyes flickered over the words 'I wonder how you start your day.'

"Why did I say that? If you eat breakfast or skip it entirely. What the fuck was that about? God, I'm so lame."

Beca froze as her eyes hovered over the words 'Love, Melody'.

No wonder she doesn't want me to know who she is, Beca thought.

-

FROM: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
TO: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com
SUBJECT: Re: hey

I understand.

These emails are my safe place too right now - you are my safe place, Red, so if you aren't ready to reveal who you are then that's okay with me. I'm not going anywhere.

- Melody

-

Beca trudged downstairs one step at a time, a hand on her head in attempt to ease the pressure. She stepped off the last step and inwardly squealed at the cold tiled floor against her bare feet.