Love, Beca

6 - Heavenly

The last thing Beca needed just hours before a gig was to have a mental breakdown in the front seat of her truck, but it is what it is.

She lifted her headphones from her head and rested them around her neck as her eyes flickered open and landed on the brick wall in front of her. She followed the red bricks with her eyes, counting each piece of graffiti on the wall in attempt to distract herself from her own thoughts.

Beca sped out of school without looking back and drove to an abandoned lot, her mind too preoccupied to think of somewhere else to go. And if she had driven any further, she might not have stopped after approaching the 'Welcome to Barden' town sign, and a part of her would have thought about never coming back.

Her hands still shook as she clenched the wheel, squeezing as hard as she could as if it would release every ounce of anger and anxieties inside of her. Even though she rode out her panic attack a few minutes earlier, Beca still couldn't calm herself down. She didn't fucking know what to do.

Beca wished she didn't care, she wished she could just brush it off and go about her day without worrying every minute what Chicago could possibly do to make her life a living hell.

Chicago had something on her - something big - she couldn't just pretend like nothing had happened. God, she fucking hated him. Did that dickwad really think he could just blackmail Beca into getting what he wanted? Would he really post the emails? How could someone be so cruel? This wasn't something she could let go lightly, Chicago was literally threatening to out her to the entire school. It wasn't that she wanted to hide her sexuality, but it was her coming out, she wanted to be the one to choose when she came out, how she did it and who she told. It was her thing, and she wouldn't let Chicago take that from her.

So, she would help Chicago with Chloe, even though she would really rather not. She didn't trust him, nor did she like him, but it was his only request, and Beca didn't have another choice.

Her gaze drifted down to her phone which was blowing up with texts from her friends. She ignored all of the notifications, instead taking note of the time. It had nearly been an hour since she left school, now dragging towards the end of third period. Beca's music class was next, and that was the only reason why she forced herself to drive back to school.

Music was her lifeline. It was the one thing that could take her mind off anything, and right now she needed that more than ever.

Sneaking into school was just as easy as sneaking out, if anything it was even easier as their were only a few stragglers in the corridor.

As Beca waited for the bell to ring which signaled the end of third period, she took out her phone and flicked through her recent messages.

[Jesse] Becaaaaaa

[Jesse] Your dad is going to be so pissed.

[Stacie] Dude if I knew you were skipping I would have come with

[Stacie] No fair!

There was also an unopened email sitting in her inbox.

-

FROM: fromtheyellowcup@gmail.com
TO: blueandblackrain@gmail.com
SUBJECT: give me something real

I know we've only been emailing for a couple of days, but I feel like I know you, whilst knowing absolutely nothing about you.
So, give me something real
xoxo Red

-

This person actually wanted to get to know Beca, the real her, which terrified the fuck out of her. Beca had never been very good at opening up to people. None of her friends knew about her anxiety, not even Stacie or Jesse. She didn't talk about her feelings because she found it easier to just push everything down into a tiny bubble in her brain.