Love, Beca

5 - Blackmail

Beca knew what she wanted to do with her life, she had big dreams and so much passion. It was such a rare thing for a seventeen year old to know exactly who they are and exactly what they want in life. Beca hadn't exactly figured out who she was, but she knew what she wanted. And she just wished that her father could see that. A lot of people go to college to figure those things out, but Beca didn't need to find herself, she already knew which path she wanted to go down in the future.

Their fight over dinner two nights ago still hadn't been resolved, both the Mitchell's were too stubborn to admit they were wrong and neither one wanted to admit the other was right. Her father never apologised for anything he was at fault for, he'd just ignore it and pretend he never did - or said - anything wrong. And most of the time Beca would just let it slide so she could avoid the conflict that was bound to occur, but that usually meant that her Dad thought she had just accepted that he was right.

But this was something she couldn't let go. Beca's dream of becoming a music producer wasn't something she had just randomly decided one day, she'd put a lot of thought into it and worked so hard creating mashups and writing original songs for Kick Affiliation.

She loved the idea of having her sound out there in the world, knowing that her fingerprints are all over music that make people feel things the way her favourite songs made her feel. But her Dad just shot down her dreams whenever he got the opportunity, and it made her feel like she wasn't good enough, like she was never good enough. She was always only going to be a disappointment to him.

Beca never intentionally pissed off her parents, not at first anyway. She was a good kid, always did what her parent's asked of her, and she respected them. Until her parents no longer acted like her parents when they were together. Beca was ignored whilst her mother and father fought about something that they had already spent hours of their lives arguing about. It was around that time when Beca discovered she had a superpower she'd always dreamed of: she was invisible.

It was fun at first, she could do whatever she wanted and get away with it because her parents were too preoccupied with hating each other that they barely even acknowledged her.

She could eat whatever she liked because by dinner time, her dad was usually three or four drinks in and her mother had either gone to bed or was working late to escape the house before another argument was initiated. Her bedtime was practically non-existent so she could stay up late playing video games. Beca could skip her ballet classes because her mom was too stressed out to remember to take her to them. She hated ballet so that was definitely a good thing.

She thought being invisible was awesome, but then she realised how it really made her feel. She didn't have a superpower, she was just super lonely.

Beca missed her parents. She missed the way they'd read her bedtime stories and tuck her in at night together. She missed the family dinners and the times they'd sit around the piano sharing a moment as they sang and laughed together.

She decided that she didn't want to be invisible anymore, so she started acting out in attempt to gain her parents attention. She started skipping classes and stopped trying in school. Beca mouthed off to teachers and got into fights with peers. Her 'emo phase' developed and she started strictly wearing dark clothes and heavy eye makeup.

She stopped caring about things and stopped wishing for the way things used to be.

Her parent's divorce followed soon after, which led her to believe that it was her fault. But she didn't care. In a way, she felt like it was a good thing - the constant fighting had stopped and she didn't have to try so hard to be noticed, but Beca still wasn't happy.