Imagine (Phan)

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

First day of school after the summer holidays was as always, stressing to me. I simply detested the day I had to go back.

I never had any friends, no one to hang about with. But that was not the case why I did not want to go back to school.

Did you ever get bullied? Did you get bullied so bad that you had to find explanations for it? Exactly, that is my point. That is why I did not want to go back there.

I was always weak, always the person who was too innocent to fight back. I am the perfect punch bag.

My mum kissed me goodbye on the cheek and told me not to worry. If she only knew, oh I wish I could just tell her.

“Honey, it’s going to be okay,” she smiled. “You will make some new friends and everything will be okay.”

I just smiled back at her and left the car. I had to face it; it was not going to be that bad, right?

“Phillip,” the teacher called my name out in the register. I raised my hand up and as soon as she looked down to mark me as present, I quickly put it down. I did not want attention from others in the class. That was the last thing I would ever want, attention.

What unbelievably caught my attention today was a new boy in the class. The teacher did not have to inform that he was new, it was obvious.

He was not as pale as everyone else was in the class. He was slightly tan and he had beautiful chocolate brown eyes which I had a chance to catch for a couple of moments.

Note me calling them beautiful, because they really were beautiful.

His hair was matching his skin and his eyes; it was of a dark brown colour. He looked really gorgeous even though I know that I should not think this way about him. It was wrong but I did not mind.

I was still trying to work out who I was, to be honest with you. I did not know if I was straight, or if I was gay.

I never really thought about it, but this new boy gave me no other choice.

I needed to know whether I should be careful not to think about him this way, or whether I should consider it something normal.

My father kept telling me that being gay was wrong, on every step I took, he would repeat his words. Whenever a gay couple would pass by, or if there was a topic about it on the television, he would rage out and tell me and my mother on how wrong it was.

My mother, on the other hand, kept telling me that being gay was okay. She had this talk with me once, that if I was to tell her that I was gay, she would accept it. The reason why we had this talk was because I called a guy on the TV attractive. I am glad that my father was not in the room when this happened.

The truth is though, that me, myself, I do not know what I am. I do not know and I do not think that I want to know.

It is a topic I want to stay away from. I know that I cannot stay away from it forever but at least for some time.

Before I could think about it anymore, the bell rang and it signalised that I had to make my way to my next class.

No matter how afraid I was to leave the class, I had to. I had no other choice really; at least, I thought I did not.

“Do you need help?” I asked the new boy, standing next to him, watching him dig in his messenger bag.

“I, uh, I think I lost my timetable,” he answered and I knew he was hesitating.

“It’s okay, we have the same classes after all,” I smiled, trying to gain his trust.

As soon as he smiled back, I knew that it was a start of a friendship, a friendship with trust. He trusted me, and this made me smile for the rest of the day.

“So, Phil, do you play any video games?” he asked me, I felt really excited on the inside, he was casual with me now and it made me happy. That was all I really expected from him, to be casual with me. He was still really stressed when talking to me after the introduction though, but after we talked a little more, it got better, more casual.

“Oh, yes, yes I do,” I smiled, catching his eyes. “Do you?”

He smiled back at me and looked into my eyes, it gave me butterflies in my stomach which I knew were not supposed to be there but, it was him, just him overall that made me feel this way. “Yes, I do too.”

We talked about video games through the whole lunch time and I discovered that we shared so many interests. It was so great to know that I could finally call him a friend. He was a friend to me, a friend which I was looking for all this time.

When the final bell rang for us to go home, I walked out of the school grounds with Dan by my side. Dan was his name, in case you I did not tell you this yet.

“Where do you live?” he asked me, his smile did not fade away from his face since this very morning. It was amazing how he could do that.

The next amazing thing was that he just lived a street away. This meant that I had a better chance of seeing him after school hours. We arranged to walk to school the next morning together as well, which made me even happier.

“So, I live here,” I said, reaching out for the keys in my bag. I lived closer so Dan was the one who would have to come and wait for me in the morning, though it was me who would rather wait for him each morning.

He smiled and asked,”May I hug you goodbye?”

I opened out my arms for him and he snuggled up to me. It felt so right but on the other hand, so wrong.

I never wanted this moment to end, it was so perfect and I enjoyed it so much. Hugging him goodbye was something I got used to already, from the very first hug.

He then pulled away and a tear dropped his eye, I really wanted to know why, but I did not want to annoy him by asking, so he just ran off.

It was great to have a friend again.