Imagine (Phan)

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I stared into Dan’s weak eyes for a long while after we parted our lips. I saw something unfamiliar in them, something that I have not seen before in this beautiful chocolate heaven. It was a light, a bright light but not a light of hope; it was rather a dim light of darkness.

I was not exactly sure how to describe it but it was sadness, it was an infinite sadness hidden deep behind his eyes, it was a light coming from his soul; something he did not want me to see, something he did not want to show me.

I was fine with it, I really was. The trust and belief I had towards him was winning over me and just by looking in his eyes I could tell what he wanted, what his emotions were.

He did not want to talk about it now, he did not want to mention it any longer; Dan just wanted to forget all about it and talk about something happy, something joyful.

The wind was starting to rise and the way it blew past the wheat gave a heavenly effect, if only the black clouds could uncover the pale blue skies and reveal the sun’s rays once again, that would make it feel like heaven once more.

“Do you ever have this feeling,” he started, “that no matter what you do, it all goes wrong? Those feelings when no matter how hard you try you always fail?”

I stared into his eyes for a long length of time before nodding and reaching out to hold his hand in mine.

“I have this feeling all the time,” pain in his eyes started to rise. “I feel so worthless, lost and hopeless.”

Before he could say anything more, I pulled him into a tight hug, whispering things in his ear. Telling him how perfect he was, how beautiful he was; telling him how much he meant to me and how I would never let him go, ever.

As the time passed, night came by and we did not even realize. We never wanted to return back home that night, we just wanted to lay there, in silence, staring at the stars, like shiny, bright crystals in the black sky.

For a while, I managed to forget about all the pain and scars crossing Dan’s life. I did not want to forget that though, and I felt guilty for doing so. I told him that I would not forget about it, that I would keep a watch on him.

But I was here with him right then, watching over him and making sure that he was okay, that he did not have a way to hurt himself any more.

I would not let him leave; I would not let him leave his past in these bright stars. He would make it past another night at least. That was all I was asking for, at least one more night, because back then, I was sure I was head to toes in love with him. I would do anything to keep him safe, away from death.

This time, it was me to walk him home because I needed to make sure that he made it there safely. His house was big and no lights were on, maybe his parents were not home or they were fast asleep already which should not be. Parents should be waiting for their child at home, especially past their curfew hour.

“Are your parents’ home?” I asked him softly.

“Yeah, I guess,” he answered sadly. I did not understand why he said it so sadly and emotionlessly, but I guess I did not have to if he did not want me to.

When the keys unlocked the front door to the house of his, I grabbed Dan by the hand and pulled him in for a kiss.

“What was that for?” he asked, a smile brightening his face.

“Because I love you,” I told him, feeling my cheeks brighten up with a shade of red.

He planted me one last kiss before he looked into my eyes and told me his goodbye. For once I wish it was just a goodnight, though.

Goodbye’s are not always forever, I knew for sure that I would see him again on the next day, the smile spread wide on his face and his laugh chasing the wind; his eyes brighter than the sun, with his soul deeper than the sky.

I could not wait to see his perfect features once again, in the light of the cold autumn sun. The autumn leaves rushing round his feet as he would approach my house like each morning, with this beautiful smile of his, dimples softly spreading on the ends of his gentle lips.

“Goodbye,” he told me, standing on the other side of the white, wooden door, leading to the main corridor of the house.

“Goodnight,” I told him while turning around and making my way off the porch. When I turned back round to look at him, he was gone, door closed, lights off.

“One more night,” I whispered. “All I am asking for, at least one more night.”