Imagine (Phan)

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

My mum accepted the fact that I was in love with Daniel, I was glad she did but I was terrified. I felt guilty, for no apparent reason to be honest, just an overall feeling of guilt rushed through my veins.

“You have feelings for him?” she asked, concern raising high in her low pitched voice.

“I think I do,” I answered, chewing on my bottom lip out of stress and nerves, it was a really nervous moment for me, coming out to my mother in ways.

In fact, I really was coming out to her. It felt great to be honest with her again but I felt like she was disappointed in me being gay.

My decision was made in the length of a couple of seconds and words, I was gay and I was sure of that. I knew who I was now and I knew what I felt. Being honest with myself was a tough thing to do but I would get used to it, people get used to many things, even the things they thought they would never get used to.

My mum smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek, a tear left her eye and I wanted to fall apart. I hated to see her cry, it hurt me and I did not want to see her like this ever.

I was slightly confused though, because I did not know if these were tears of sadness or happiness; joy or anger. I did not know and I do not think that I will ever know.

Some things stay to us unknown but maybe that is the destiny, for us to never find out, maybe it is better off this way?

The thought of what has happened earlier on that night just terrified the last hopes of mine, it killed me inside, suffocated me to breath loss. I was scared.

You probably wonder why, you probably wonder why I would even be so nervous about all this. Well, you would understand if your life was in some way similar to mine.

The worst part of it all was coming out to my mum, it was so scary, I thought she would have a negative opinion about me but oh how wrong was I?

You never know until you try. Live life without regrets, take risks and ignore people trying to stop you. It is your life after all and it is all up to you to do something with it.

Sometimes you may lose hope, sometimes you may lack courage; yet sometimes you may feel hopeless, lost; there is always hope. No matter what you would ever decide to do, there is always hope.

My story does not end here, not anytime soon, but I believe it will end eventually. People get tired of living, people get tired of feelings, I tend to try and stay strong, but for how long, you will probably never know.

 “Good morning,” he smiled, entering my bedroom. After all, I would never expect my mum to invite him home, especially into my bedroom. I would never expect my mum to be so nice to him.

Maybe she actually did care? Maybe she actually did accept it?

I smiled back at him and sat up, leaning against the stack of pillows behind my back. “Good morning,” I patted the space beside me.

His warmth embracing me in the early morning made me feel like living, making me feel like waking up each morning just to be greeted with his perfectly beautiful face and softly gentle hugs.

I did not let him go, I just made him fall onto me and it felt good, playing around with him was getting more and more comfortable each time and each day.

He got under the covers next to me and snuggled up into my chest, I did not mind it at all. After all, how could I?

His warmth was so calming, making my heart beat faster with every second, this moment was perfect, like every other we spent together.