Am I Alone (Trans! Virgil)

3

[Roman POV]

I really felt bad when Virgil told us about why he lives alone. I don't live alone but my parents had gotten into a horrible car accident. It was when I was only three. I had to go live with my aunt and uncle who treated me like shit. I was put up for adoption at seven. I wasn't adopted until I turned twelve. My new family is a lot better and they give me a lot. I finally feel worth something thanks to them. 

I saw that sadness in Virgil's eyes the same one I used to see when looking in the mirror. I'm not going to force him to talk to me about it. If he ever wants to open up, I'll just wait. Well, that is unless I find out he's hurting himself or planning to commit suicide. I don't want to assume anything too early into this friendship though. I feel my feet take me up some stairs, we must be here.

"Wow! Virgil this must be your place, it looks so cool," Patton bursts out in joy. How is he so excitable about the smallest things? Virgil's house is just average, a bit run down to be completely honest, well at least on the outside. But never judge a book by its cover is what everyone always says, I guess I have to trust it even if it's not nice inside.

"Thanks, but it's really nothing special, it's the cheapest I could do since I only work at a minimum wage job, I have a little bit of help from the government," Virgil explains. Goddammit, I feel so bad for him, he probably barely gets by like that. I wish I could somehow help him.

How does someone help someone when they hardly know them? This is so horrible. I know he was abused for something but he never said what. The feeling of being suffocated because people hurt you and be mean to you is a feeling that stays inside for a long time, sometimes forever. Virgil is so strong. I remember that feeling of worthlessness, the feeling that no one was there for me. A feeling that everyone who treated me like that were demons, in a literal sense.

"If you want I can help, it's really not that hard for me," I say in a soft voice. I take out $200 and hand it to him. He looks at me in absolute shock. My parents are a bit rich.

"Roman!? I can't take this, we just met and it just is so much mone-," I cut Virgil off.

"Virgil, take it, it's really nothing and I refuse to take it back," I make him take it. I smile at him sweetly.

"Thank you so much, this is a big help, I don't know how I'll ever repay you, I just don't know what to say," Virgil cries.

"You won't ever need to repay me," I respond giving him a hug. He opens the door and we go inside it's not that great, which I expected but it's still cozy. He leads us over to the sofa and tells us to sit down. 

[Virgil POV]

Holy shit, why would he do that? I'm extremely grateful but why for me? I'm just a kid who is mentally unstable trying to get by. I just wish that these three guys could see... I'm . Not . Worth . It.

I can't remember the time when I thought I was worth it. For years I've felt like I've been suffocating. I've felt like there's nothing here for me. I was just waiting for someone to see.

I walk over to the couch which is very worn out.

"Take a seat, anyone want a glass of water," I ask quickly, I have to be respectful they're my guests. The three of them nod. I go out to the my tiny kitchen and grab three glasses and run the tap. The three cups are filled almost to the brim. I carry them out making sure I don't spill anything.

I hand them each a glass and sit in between Patton and Roman, I feel more comfortable around them than Logan. I listen them as they talk about all their shitty teachers.

"Virgil, so is there any teachers you don't like," Patton queries. I shake my head no.

"That might change though," I respond quickly. Just so they don't think I'm weird.

They continue talking as I just zone out and let the voices take over.

"They don't care about you, they pity you" The voice rings in my head. I try to ignore it. It starts getting louder, "Why don't you just do it, Virgil, you know you want to." I don't want to, I don't, I just got friends.
"You're never going to be worth it though, so why don't you," It gets louder yet again.  I sigh, quickly getting up and walking to the washroom.

I look at myself in the mirror and try to pull myself together. I take out a blade from under the sink and make one quick cut to calm down. It's better than dealing with this voice telling me to end it. I put it back where I got it and soak up the blood with toilet paper. Then I drop the tp in the toilet and flush it down it.

I go back out to the boys, I sit back down, "Haha sorry about that I needed to use the washroom." They look at me and all say "Okay."

"Patton was just telling us about how he saved a kitten from a tree a few days ago," Logan mentions in his monotone voice. I look at Patton and nod, that seems like something that he'd do.

"That's honestly pretty cool and remarkable, if I had tried I'd get scratch marks all over me," I joke. Patton chuckles at it and I smile a bit.

These guys are really awesome and kind of hot. Wait what? My brain is going crazy today. I mean they are hot but I just met them.

Hey everyone sorry for the super late chapter, I was reading a lot of Webtoon and continuing writing my own. Also, I've been playing Minecraft for hours. I've been feeling pretty shitty as well. I'm glad I could finally get this out though!