Darkness carved in bone

Chapter 20

Ten

They had walked uphill for hours, and when dawn started creeping over the sky, Ten had suggested they find a place to sleep. Or at least find some shelter from the rays from the sun. The thick cover of clouds that were now painted in purple, pink and golden orange, were not going to let the sun through this day either. He looked at Helen who assessed the sky and understood with disappointment that the sun would not truly reach her this day either.

But he could see the effects of the sun on her skin, even through the clouds. Her skin shimmered brighter than it had before, and even if she didn't feel it herself, Ten could sense that some energy had returned to her.

She gave him a tight smile and nodded.

They found some coverage under a pine tree and made their camp there. Ten gathered wood as Helen unloaded their bags of Shiny, letting him rest as they rested. When he returned, he was surprised to find that Helen had untied the knots of her sleeping bag so it could be unfolded and became twice as large. Ten had taken off his fur coat as he gathered wood, and Helen had taken that and the sleeping bag and made them a bed. But there was only one, which meant she wanted them to sleep together. His heart beat uncomfortably in his chest as he took in the sight before him, and he was glad that he was carrying a stack of wood, or else he might have started to fidget with his hands, not able to hide the nervousness that filled him.

He gave her a half smile as he stacked the wood into a fire and lit it.

She started taking of her outer clothes and jumped under the covers when she was only in her wool undergarments. Ten couldn't help but watch her in the corner of his eye as he worked on the fire.

Ten let out a small nervous laugh as he stood and started undressing as well. There was something different about sleeping together this time, then it had been the times they had done it before in the hut. Helen had covered her entire body with his fur and only her head was visible. Her clear blue eyes were looking at him with an intensity that almost made his body shake.

He had to swallow to wet his throat, and for a moment he just stood there in his thin wool shirt and tights and looked at her. A part of him felt like a teenager again. Afraid, terrified of girls and unfamiliar with them, as if he suddenly didn't know what he was supposed to say or do.

Then her expression turned into a warm smile and she lifted the fur and welcomed him into her little cave of warmth and darkness. That smile made him suddenly unafraid and confident in himself again. This woman was after all a Sòlung, and still liked him. That made him confident that he couldn't really do anything wrong. She had accepted him for who he was, with all his flaws and shortcomings.

He expected the queen's eyes to flash before his eyes as he had those thoughts' reminding him exactly of what those flaws and shortcomings were. But instead he looked into Helen eyes, and suddenly it seemed as if all of those sides that he and the queen deemed so bad, didn't matter any longer. They ceased to exist when she looked at him.

That thought filled him with an unfamiliar ease and calm as he lay down beside her.

But then her eyes flashed with uncertainty, and he was reminded that there was one side that still existed inside him even with her presence. The dark side that made her uncertain about what he would do to her to make sure she couldn't fulfill the prophecy. That side of him made him keep his distance from her, their bodies close but not touching.

He sighed heavily as a haze of confusion came over him. He wanted to tell her that they were on the same side. He could feel her warmth ripple in the air and mix with his own. He longed to reach out for her and take her in his arms and hold her. To smell her hair and inhale the strange and pleasant smell of the sun on her skin. To whisper sweet words in her ear as she fell asleep, blessing her dreams and hoping they would contain traces of him. But he had spent so many years of his life with pain, sweat and blood, which had etched the hunger for eternal darkness into the fragments of his soul. Her and her light had taken away some of the power that conviction had over him, but he still could not say those words he knew she longed for him to say.