insanity

09| the fastlane

343 days until his death
—
I open my eyes, greeted by the friendly, bright, sun. Rubbing my eyes open, and sitting up. Studying my surroundings, I realize I'm not in the comfort of my quant cottage.
Instead I was in the comfort of Wilbur's room.

Once I managed to remember, it didn't feel strange anymore. Just as Tubbo had sprung that information on us, after we were all able to fathom what had happened, including Tommy who was just as surprised— Wilbur had asked me to follow him to the van. We discussed plans for the near future of this election, and how to address the public. We had come up with a few solutions as of what to do, though by the time I was ready to leave, the sky was too dark.

So I decided to spend the night with him. Nothing happened, I was sure of that. It did feel odd waking up with him beside me though. It shouldn't have been, I mean we are together, in addition to we spent every night in the small confines of this van for months. We hadn't been in the same bed at that time, though it was so cramped we might as well have been.

I didn't want to think too deeply, I felt safe and comfortable so there was no real reason to.

I look down at Wilbur. He wasn't gripped onto me like any other guy probably would— he's laying on his side of the bed, his pillow pushing his cheek upwards. Other than that, he's sleeping with precision. One arm under his pillow and the other to his side. I'm not surprised, every other aspect of his life is shown with precision and order, why wouldn't this be as well.

I decided to get up and head back home, surely there was something that needed my attention with everything that's been going on these past few days.

My feet dangle off the bed, then hit the floor with a light thump. I walk around the bed, as my right hand reaches for the cold metal of the doorknob, a drowsy Wilbur reaches his hand out to my left one.
"Where are you going?" He mumbled, sleepily.

"I was just gonna head back home, maybe stop to see the boys." I smiled at his grogginess.

"Alright. See you later." His thumb made a circle on my skin, then his hand slowly lost grip, and dangled off his bed, close to the floor.
I nod to him, despite his having his eyes still closed. I walk out and shut the door behind me, passing Fundy who was sleeping soundly in his bed, which was the only bunk that remained from the many we all used to sleep in.

As I step onto the dewy grass, I take in the sent off the fresh morning. The sky was a light blue, with white, fluffy clouds cascading throughout in an orderly fashion. The bright sun creating a patch of highlight on my h/c hair. Making my way to my small house, today was calm— Tommy and Tubbo hadn't been outside screaming, in fact nobody was.

I sit down on my soft couch, I was alone. Lately that wasn't very common, the past few days the only time I was on my own was when I was asleep. Even today that wasn't the case.

With this rediscovered silence I now had time to process some things.
My life's in the fast lane, yet i'm in the passenger. Every corner I turn there's already another problem or proposal waiting for me.

Sometimes I feel as if, life before our independence— somehow it was easier when we were fighting for our lives, when blood was shed. Nothing was fast then.

Just the past twenty-four hours were insane. I felt the core of this country falling under our feet. Any day Quackity would spread his news throughout and everyone would know. This time we were more prepared than the last.

Though we didn't know when, which would cause its own problem. Wilbur and I figured it would cause less stress if he announced it before Quackity even had the chance.
This also bringing the idea to close off the parties a day after— therefor nobody will have a chance to step on our toes. The original idea was to hold the final a election a day after announced, but Quackity's news had ruined this, as now they would have to properly campaign.

I won't lie, I'm extremely worried. I have full faith in Wilbur and his ability to convince— I mean look how his propaganda worked for L'manberg overall. They gave into it once, whose to say he can't swoon them all again.
That still doesn't change the fact that I'm terrified of the outcome, whatever it is.

At first I was completely against the idea of this stupid 'election' but now we are too deep to escape. We need to be on our toes at all times, bending my morals for a bit to climb back to the top— didn't seem to bad right now, it will catch up to me one day, but for how I need to focus on this moment.

I still am against this idea, even if we win; it still wouldn't feel honorable.
After all of this, a proper and fair election will have been had, but that wasn't Wilbur's intention— which is what left a strange feeling in my stomach.

I wish I wasn't dragged into it, but I put myself here when we started this whole thing, when I told Wilbur I would be with him.
I signed myself up for this shitshow that was unfolding, and I know that.
To be fair, I didn't sign up for all of this, but the immense rollercoaster of events was truly implied— just not in writing.

Before L'manberg, before Wilbur even, I lived a boring life, I only dreamed it would be as exciting as it is now. Though now I'm here it's been proven to be rather exhausting. I'm great full for all of the opportunities I've been given, I'm thankful for Wilbur and Tommy as well as Tubbo and Niki, Fundy— even Jack, but I wish we could have it simple.
That's how it was meant to be.
That was the original plan.

Though not all things go to plan,
and not everything is meant to be.