insanity

15| let the festival begin.

cw: violence, blood, cursing
86 days until his death
—
Fascinating the clasp of Techno's cape.
Today is the day of the festival.

We all haven't seen Tubbo in a week or two, If I'm honest I've lost track.

Wilbur's plan was seemingly simple—
until he got into the finer details of it all. Finally enlightening me with the deal he had made with Dream.

He got the man to supply him with explosives.
They've rigged it all below our home. I remember being so pissed off. Tommy as well.
Wilbur's truly gone off the rails, though now we've waited too long.

Tommy and I stay, frankly because we have to other choice, at least we see it that way on the surface. We aren't welcome anywhere else, or more so because we both don't want to be anywhere else, it seems even the most hostile environment cannot drive our determination away.

We established L'manberg, guiding and building it from the ground up. The amount of bloodshed seeped deeply in the soil.
Now, the people who tread those grounds didn't fight for shit.
We risked our lives and everything we had to create this all— not only for us, for all who just wanted to be free.

Yet, all of us— the founders, were all thrown out quicker than all of it started.
The few remaining, one under the peer pressure and fear of the new ruler, and the other gave up on our history the second he was told to— burning our flag with matches that we kept in the van from the very first day here.

Tommy and I hadn't known any place more comfortable than L'manberg, which shows a lot more now.

This is our home, and watching the man who I so desperately and wistfully grew attachment and admiration for— cave in, stand from afar, and watch it all burn to the ground.
Sacrificing all those people's lives, who we promised a better life.

I could've done so much more, maybe if I hadn't developed any sentimental value to this man, I could've and would've been able to climb out of this ditch and bring the blond haired boy back with me, I could've given him one last shot at a normal, teenage life.
Though it's too late, Tommy and I are in far too deep— there's no escape. We both care for the man way more than we ever should've.

Love; a dangerous game, both platonically and romantically. The worst disease you could ever catch.

Forever, I hated the word and all the ties to it.
Reasoning being, I'd never truly felt it.
Never a real case of it, bliss may disguise itself as many things.
Since I'd never felt it, everytime I think I do, it's never truly the happy kind everyone longs for.

I've always tried time and time again to keep any feelings I've felt as far away from everything else, Tommy and I are similar in that way.
Only bad can come from revealing yourself to others, that's been apparent to me. You let one person in, and they could let in every other unwanted person. That causes situations like this one— one where my feelings get in the way and create a trap I cannot escape.

One where I've put my morals and everything I've ever known to the side, focusing on that one person.

Manipulation, very well could be a strong factor. I would never admit to being manipulated by him, he wouldn't.
Right?

Everything had meant to much to me now.
Where do I stand?
A question I truly cannot answer. I don't want anymore wars or blown through buildings.
I've seen it all once, it's terrifying.
Only now, it's all coming straight for me like a freight train.