Blind truths

Yours or mine ?

We had settled into a family routine so easily that it was laughable, really. We exchanged children like best friends would swap t-shirts. Sophie needed a ride to her dance class and I was stuck in the office ? Lucas dropped her. Marcus wanted to attend an ice skating hockey event ? I sided with him in the stands, thrilled by the game that Lucas didn't enjoy one bit.

So today, as I heard him confess his homosexual tendencies, I was quite ready to play the evil stepmom and crush anyone who dared mocking my boy. Yes. Mine.

I forced my attention to focus on Lucas; he was the one in need of help right now. Shaken by this piece of news.

"Seems you'll be short in grandchildren. How do you feel about that?"

Lucas gave me an intense look, as if a process was running at the back of his mind. A strange swell of hope passed from him to me, and I wondered what it was about.

"I'll just have to borrow yours."

"Not borrow", I responded seriously. "They're yours in all but blood, you know. You're their dad now."

And I meant it; Jon and Sophie were now under his care. And even if my son was sometimes a tad difficult, he respected Lucas. He would be the one he turned to when girls problems would arise; I was sure of it. My words caused joy to swell within Lucas, and he shared it eagerly with me. But right now, something else was dancing in his eyes.

"Or perhaps..."

His gaze averted, his tongue brushing his crooked teeth. How adorable they were, those wolf's fangs; a token of how formidable he could be.

"Perhaps?", I questioned.

His gaze returned to me, determined.

"Perhaps we could have a baby of our own."

Air left my lungs at once. The intensity of his gaze, of the hope that radiated from him nearly pushed me to ravish him on the sofa. But this was a very serious topic. A baby ? At my age ? His face fell when he saw my hesitation.

"I don't know Lucas, I'm nearly forty. I don't know if I can handle it again. I'm not wonder woman."

I found myself engulfed in a strong embrace, and heard my heart beat a staccato against his chest.

"Your choice, Elena", his soothing voice rumbled. "Your body, your choice."

Could I love him more, really ? Could my respect for him grow when, hoping for another child in his life, he laid the choice at my feet without a single complaint ? Comforting me, even, because he felt he'd put some pressure over me. I interrogated my heart; it didn't agree with my head. A baby, again ? Pregnancy, morning sickness, extra kilos, fatigue, giving birth and its aftermath, sleepless nights, diapers, breastfeeding ? Washing three pairs of onesies a day, cleaning the floor, hiding everything that might be swallowed... Again !

Needless to say that the choice was already done. So, as my face nuzzled on his t-shirt, I told him:

"You know what? Let us skip those horrible condoms, and see what happens."

Stunned, Lucas grabbed my cheeks to look me in the eyes; he found his answer readily enough in my expression. I watched how the lines of his face brightened, how his entire being seemed to hum when his lips exposed the sharp canines I adored. His smile was so dazzling, his joy so blinding that it engulfed me whole. He kissed my lips once, twice, then ravished my mouth with glee. Then, as we parted for air, Lucas held me tight and I laughed.

That was a sound perspective. A life renewed.

It took barely five months for Denise to find me vomiting in the ladies room again. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I found her, leaning on the sink, watching me warily. My stomach was still very queasy, and I sighed, opening the tap to splash my face with cold water.

"Where's your knight in shining armour, this time ?"

I shrugged; Lucas wasn't working under Denise's orders anymore, and had his own office now.

"Somewhere in the building ?"

"Another bad case ?"

A smile crept up my lips. If I had remained silent the past week, I was now pretty sure of what was going on with me. Signs didn't lie, and those were pretty intense.

"No... not this time."

Silence fell upon us like a thousand tons of lead... then, Denise's lips quirked, and her clear eyes sparkled; she had not forgotten.

"So. No coffee ?", she chanced, hoping to confirm her suspicions.

I shook my head, stopping at once when the room started swimming. Damn, my period was just a few days late, why did I react so strongly ? I knew I was old now, but not weak. Seeing my unfocused gaze, Denise walked up to me, and grabbed my shoulders.

"Elena, you're pregnant, right ?"

"Yeah", I answered, my eyes still set on the tiles.

Was it normal that the lines swam so much ?

"Does Lucas know ?"

Denise's concerned voice shook me out of my musings. Damn, I needed to get a grip !

"Not yet, symptoms just started, I didn't want to rush to conclusions."

"Are you sure ? Perhaps you're sick."

I levelled Denise with my trademark scowl.

"I had two children, Denise. I know when someone had decided to take residence in my womb."

The psychologist laughed then, but didn't release her hold over my shoulders for fear I would topple over. Did I look that bad ? Truth be told, I was feeling a little wobbly.

"Well. You're reacting pretty strong. You need to see a doctor."

"Yeah", I agreed. "That's weird. But anyway, no coffee, no alcohol, no ibuprofen for the next nine months or so."

The psychologist squeezed gently.

"You, my girl, need a blood pressure check."

"Perhaps", I conceded.

She forcefully stirred me in the corridor, pushing me without ceremony in Lucas' office. I didn't resist, I would benefit from a moment with my companion to gather my thoughts. I sank in the visitor's chair, watching the pictures of our three children standing upon his desk. Marcus, Jon and Sophie had conceded to pause together for Lucas' sake.

While Denise talked, I started freaking out. We were going to welcome a fourth child in our midst, four ! Wow.

"Elena's sick", Denise ranted. "Get her home, and find a doctor to sign up a leave. I don't want to see her for the remainder of the week."

"Yes madam", came Lucas' smooth voice with a hint of a smile.

But his eyes were already assessing me; I could feel his worry from my chair.

"Good. Bye my lovebirds !"

I swore Denise sauntered out of the room like a schoolgirl, ignoring her extra kilos as she closed the door behind us. At once, Lucas' hand was upon my forehead, trying to assess if I was feverish. It made sense, the vomiting had caused me to sweat.

"Elena ?"

How does a woman tell a man she loves that his wish is going to come true ? I wasn't a romantic, neither a poet, nor one to keep secrets for long. I actually sucked at keeping my tongue, so I went for it rather bluntly.

"I'd never had morning sickness so early. It's stronger than for Sophie."

Lucas' brownish orbs widened comically, then a timid smile broke upon his face until it transformed into a full grin. He gathered me in his arms and squeezed tight.

"It is truly happening ?", he whispered, pulling back to watch my face.

I groaned, my head swimming.

"Yes."

And despite the underlying fear, I couldn't keep my joy at bay. So I smiled, and hugged him tight. His own feeling of elation permeated through, and I found that life could indeed be sweet, even if I had just thrown up my breakfast.