Destined to Explode (Adopted by All Time Low)

Chapter 4

I follow him into the hospital on my crutches. I'm in a lot of pain, but I'm trying my best to hide it. I get taken back to a room. The doctor comes in and looks at my knee. "It's definitely a dislocated kneecap. I'll need to relocate it first. I could do it with or without local anesthetic, it's up to you."

"Without." She nods. Alex comes over. "Can I hold your hand?" I nod and watch as his hand grabs mine. It gives me some comfort. "Okay, honey. This is gonna hurt some." I nod. I feel her touch my leg and I try to keep from tensing up but I squeeze Alex's hand hard.

"You have a strong grip." I look at him. I feel sharp pain in my knee. "Okay, it's back in place. I have some tests I'm going to do now. The first one will be an electromyography. Do you take any medications?"

"I took an ibuprofen at like 5 am and an Ativan pill about an hour and a half ago." She nods. "I'll be back in a moment." I look at Alex's hand. "Your thumb is out of place." "How the fuck did you do that? I'm not mad by the way." I shrug.

"I'm sorry." "Why?" "'Cause to fix those, they need to hyperextend your thumb to relocate it." "That sounds painful." I nod. The doctor comes back in and looks at his thumb.

"I could deal with your thumb. The tests would be much of the same." He nods. "Do you want local anesthetic or not?" He shakes his head quickly. "I'm terrified of needles so that would be a bad plan." She smiles a little.

I watch her relocate Alex's thumb. "Ow, fuck, that hurts. How did you not show the pain much?" "It's not the first time I've dislocated my kneecap. It still hurts, a lot, but I've gotten used to hiding pain."

The nurse returns with another container. "Okay, this test does have a portion of it that involves needles." Alex nods and I close my eyes. "The first part involves electrical shock. It's not intense at all, like getting shocked by a door handle."

"I'm not worried about that. I've ran into the electric fence at a horse ranch before." I hear Alex again. "Ow." I let her continue to do it. "Okay, the next part uses a few needles and I move around the joint. It is going to hurt some, but the needles shouldn't. It's like an acupuncture needle if you've used that before."

I feel some pressure with a light poke a few times. "Okay, I'm going to move your knee. It's gonna hurt some, though." I nod. She moves it and I feel my face contour to show the pain I'm feeling.

After a while she stops and I feel her remove the needles. She goes over to Alex and I see another doctor. "Hey honey, I'm just going to clean up your arms, okay?" I nod. I'm getting increasingly anxious as time goes on.

"Okay, I do want to do a MRI for both of you to check for ligament damage." When we get brought back to the hospital room she looks at our MRIs. "Alex, it appears you have a completely torn Ulnar Collateral Ligament and actually Radial Collateral Ligament as well. Rachel appears to have a torn Anterior Cruciate Ligament, Medial Collateral Ligament, and Medial Patellofemeral Ligament. You guys will both need surgery.

The best option is for both of you to wait a week with it splinted. Rachel will need to be completely non weight bearing and both of you should be icing and elevating to reduce swelling." Alex nods.

She puts immobilizing braces on both of us. "We do have two blocks open on Saturday. I could schedule you guys both and write a note to set you guys at the same time." He nods and I watch him sign all the papers.

We leave. I'm extremely tired from trying to hold back my anxiety this whole time. We get into the car. "Alex, I'm sorry I hurt you." "Hey, it's okay. You didn't mean to. Take a breather."

I take a few breaths. I still feel guilty. Alex begins talking. "You know, I feel guilty as well. I shouldn't have put you on Stella, especially alone, when she wasn't fully trained." I get what he is going at and I stay quiet.

We get home. "Woah, what happened?" Alex rubs his neck. "I dislocated my thumb. Long story short, we both need surgery." I see Lisa roll her eyes.

"When do you have it booked?" "Saturday." She nods. "Can I go upstairs?" He nods. "Remember, no weight bearing." I think for a moment. "Um, I was going to record some vocals. Can you help me?" He smiles and nods.

We spend about 5 hours recording. "I'll help you with the rest of recording tomorrow. Let me know when you are ready for it to be mastered. I can either help you, or help you find a mastering engineer." I nod.

"Could you help me with mixing as well?" He smiles and nods. "Of course. Whatever you need help with." I smile and hug him. "Thanks." I get into pajamas and follow him downstairs. Zack and Reggie are the only ones down there.

Zack hands us both ice. "Rachel, lay down across the couch with your ankle on the arm of the couch." I follow his instructions and he lays my ice on my knee. He sits above my head. Zack sits next to Reggie.

"What type of movie do you guys want to watch?" Reggie and I reply at the same time. "Horror." They both laugh. "Have you guys watched the Conjuring movies?" "The first and second ones." Reggie nods in agreement.

I see Zack put on the third one. I actually watch it with my full focus. When the movie finishes, Zack and Alex are asleep. Reggie reaches over me to get the ice pack and I see red under his sleeve. I sit up quickly and grab his hand. I slip back his sleeve.

"Reggie, why? You know how addictive it is. I thought your meds were helping." "They were. They aren't anymore though. I don't know what to do." "Talk to Zack. He'll help you, I'm sure." I see him shift. He opens his eyes and seems to see Reggie's arm quickly.

He comes over and sees Alex is asleep. "I'm going to bring Alex upstairs and then I want to talk with you, Reggie. If you want Rachel to stay, she can." He nods. I watch Zack pick up Alex. He returns downstairs.

"Reggie, when did you start?" "Back right after I turned 15." "Why?" "It was after my brother died. I began falling into a depression and then I ended up going to therapy. I was put on antidepressants and given other coping mechanisms. I was better for a long time. My meds don't seem to be working anymore."

"I'll make you a psychiatrist appointment. You don't have to deal with this alone." He looks to me. "You seem to know more about them than anyone else. Do you know if any of the others deal with mental health issues?"

"Kenny has misophonia triggered by the clicking of keyboards. I don't want to say anymore without their permission." Reggie looks to me. "You remember my crazy ex, right?" I nod. "I'm going to go upstairs, but could you tell Zack about her? You know I can't." I nod. "Of course. As much as I remember."

He nods and goes upstairs. "Reggie had an ex who definitely had multiple things wrong with her, right around the time he began cutting. Her name was Emily Mia- I can't remember her last name. I never met her, but everyone who had said she was weird.

She was extremely emotionally abusive to Reggie. She also talked in a way which made it sound like she had dissociative identity disorder, previously known as multiple personality disorder. Her "alternate personality" Reggie met was a complete bitch.

One day, she said that Reggie's brother went to Hell which is obviously completely out of line. Reggie is religious, which obviously didn't help. He can't talk about it or have others discuss it around him without getting really depressed and anxious." Zack nods.

"Does Alex know about any mental health issues you have?" "He knows about the two things he needs to watch for and two of my diagnosed mental illnesses, but not all. I'll tell him when I'm ready." Zack nods and we both head for bed.