You Expect Me To Carry On? (A Newtmas Fanfic)

Chapter Ten: I can't lose you again

TW: ⚠️ suicide references

Thomas felt like laughing and screaming at the same time.

He couldn't quite believe what Newt had just said, the hints he left in his explanation almost seemed too good to be true.

But Minho.

Minho.

Thomas wanted to scream at him, but after watching Newt's back as he ran from him, he decided that Minho wasn't worth his time.

"Well done dude. Well played." he said, shooting him an icy look.

He turned to follow his friend, when Minho called out.

"I wouldn't bother. That shuckface clearly had a death wish."

Thomas turned.

"Yeah," he said, already making his way down the path. "That's the point."

Then, he was running, knowing that Brenda would understand not to follow him.

As he ran, stumbling slightly in the steep sandy path, his brain was working overtime.

What would Newt be thinking right now?!

Where would he go?!

Thomas thought back to his parting words with Minho, and realised that they rang a little too true.

He thought of the sadness that split the blonde's face, his blanked-over eyes, the veins on his neck.

That shuckface has a death wish.

Thomas ran faster.

He thought he knew where Newt would go if... if...

No

But-

He tried it once before didn't he?!

If it was true, and Newt truly was about to do what Thomas thought, he would never forgive Minho. Never.

When he reached the foot of the path, he turned left, sprinting along the thin strip of sand that ran between the water and the cliff face.

He sped up, his heart racing, but not because he was particularly tired.

I can't let this happen again. I won't.

He stopped when he came face to face with a set of old, stone steps carved into the rock, further along the cliff from where him and the others had ran to for safety.

He began to climb, the stairs rough and uneven, their steep edges worn down to crumbling, weather-beaten and totally uneven slabs of rock.

The steps climbed diagonally up the cliff face, and Thomas often took two at a time, his stomach bitter with unease and fear.

Eventually, he stepped up to the grassy top of the crag, and looked around.

A few metres from the top of the steps stood an old, bare, twisted tree. It was so close to the edge that half it's roots hung out over the ocean, suspended over the drop.

Hunched to one side of it, stood Newt.

Thick, grey clouds had crept up on the jovial sun, casting a bitter breeze over the bay and a shadow through the air.

Newt was standing look straight out into the distance, the toes of his shoes pointed over the edge. He was shaking.

Thomas felt his heart rate speed up.

No.

He tried to yell for his friend, but his voice seems to have lodged in his stomach- and he couldn't make a sound.

He ran forward, but stumbled and fell on all fours, but when he attempted to stand up again, his legs were glued to the ground, he was frozen.

Suddenly, he heard Minho's voice, loud, desperate to be heard over the heavy rain that had began to fall.

"THOMAS!"

Thomas shut his eyes, squeezed them as tightly as he could, and tried to let his mind go blank.

When he opened them, the rain had stopped.

The clouds had thinned, and he stood, shakily, slowly.

Newt still stood by the drop.

The shuck was that?!

He wanted to ask more questions, but there were far more pressing matters at hand.

He yelled out.

"Newt!"

His friend spun around, and upon seeing Thomas, froze.

Thomas ran over to where Newt stood, stopping a few metres from the edge.

Newt spoke in a low, dark, monotone voice.

"Why the hell did you follow me Tommy."

"Newt I-"

Thomas had to raise his voice slightly over the still-harsh wind.

"You should stand back! You're way too close to the edge!"

Newt looked utterly defeated.

"Yeah. Way too close."

Thomas had no idea what to do.

Even the thought of- of- of losing Newt again made him want to throw himself off the cliff after his friend.

"NEWT!" he yelled

"MAYBE MINHO WAS RIGHT. IF YOU DO THIS?! IT MAKES YOU THE MOST SELFISH PERSON IVE EVER MET."

Newt had tears running down his face.

He turned to look at his friend.

"I'm sorry Tommy. But-"

The wind picked up, whistling through the grass, causing Newt to have to shout to be heard.

"YOU'D ALL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME. YOU KNOW THAT."

"NEWT! I- I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU."

Newt paused.

"Tommy.... nothing you can say will... will change my mind now."

Thomas looked at the back of the person he needed most in the whole world, and spoke slowly, steadily.

"Newt. I cant lose you again. I won't."

Newt looked into the ocean.

"I'm sorry Tommy."

No

No no no no no

Newt took a deep breath.

"NO!"

Thomas yelled.

He ran forward

"NEWT I LOVE YO-"

Newt jumped.