Popular Monster | Tomione

Chapter 12: Unbecoming

A/N: omg I'm crying right now! Thank you so much for 2.7k views! I never thought that there were so many who wanted to read my story. It is so motivating for me to see you voting and commenting on the chapters because it makes me feel appreciated because my work has been appreciated. I know it may be bad to connect your own personal worth and value to the quality and perception of your creation in the long term, but this one of the few things that are motivating me right now. I know I'm not in a very good place but I have faith that life will be better, and I am so grateful for all the love I receive from you! Going to bed with a big smile today.

And I swam in the wakes of imposters
Just to feel what it's like to pretend
There's no dream in the waves, only monsters
And the monsters are my only friends
~Starset, "Unbecoming" ~

~Malfoy Manor, 13th July 1943, Saturday~

He stood up, dusted off his suit and rolled his head around to loosen the tension in his neck. Without looking back, he said: "I will be in the library", before he strutted out the door, leaving a small gap.

Abraxas was still kneeling, his hand still frozen in place. "How can someone so perfect be filthy...", he whispered into the empty room that suddenly felt so big around his small presence.

Tom left the chamber without a glance back and wandered aimlessly in the Manor. Emotions, so rare and so frustrating, were clouding his mind and vision. The wide and pompously decorated hallways were nothing but a blurred cloud of beige, brown, and white. Tom ran into a corner of a table and let out a string of curses under his breath as he was still struggling to see and to keep himself together. It was evident that he must find a place where he could be undisturbed, unnoticed, and completely alone before his Occlumency shields crash down.

So he stumbled through the foreign hallways, cursing himself for being too proud to ask for directions and too stoic for never accepting Abraxas' offer earlier.

"Fuck for fuck's sake!", he hissed viciously as he hit his toe somewhere, the jabbing pain traveling from his toes to his foot and up to his leg. Something broke with a shattering sound, but he paid no attention as he continued his drunk walk through the labyrinth.

Tom's heartbeat was racing, little beads of sweat ran down his face as he was slowly growing desperate. "Fuck, not here not here not here", he repeated more and more panicly. His vision came back in flashes, in one moment he was practically blind and in the next, he saw the world in all its details again. It was as if someone was flicking the lights on and off constantly, only allowing him to see flashes of pictures that froze the time at that moment. He reached out with his arms, now standing bent forward, as he tried to find at least any room without anyone, alive or dead, in it.

Finally, his weak and slender fingertips caressed the cool metal of a door handle. With the last strength he had, he opened the door and tumbled a few paces inside. With a flick of his wand, he closed the outside world, placed protective wards around himself as strong he could manage, before allowing the last pieces of his Occlumency shields to fall apart.

It was just as bad as it had always been. Memories flooded his mind as the Occlumency dam broke, destroying villages and forests that he had built in the last few years. Tom was gasping for air as his inner ocean flooded his lungs and clamped his chest.

- Freak!

- Why can't you be normal?

- Stop screaming!, Martha said and started hitting him with a wooden spoon, Stop screaming bastard!

- Tom did you do this?
No, I didn't!
Tom! Did you do this?
No!
I told you...! Stop lying!

- Now this was the last drop!, Wool screamed and tore his ear, box time for today and tomorrow and forever!...
But...
No but's! I should have never let your mother in if I had known that you're a fucking spawn of satan! Don't you dare to talk to any child ever again!