If I Knew Then

Fairytale Of New York

By Absent Heart on fanfiction.net 

In the original draft of the first twelve chapters, and the plan for this story this Chapter didn't exist. I had no intention of writing a Christmas chapter, there are far too many amazing ones out there for me to compete. And this one in no way tries to compete, but I made a compromise with myself, I knew this had to be a filler Chapter, so I turned it into a semi Christmas filler to sweeten the deal.

It's not my favourite, I hate fillers so I'm just going to leave it here and I hope you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW...

Fairytale Of New York

Derek slipped into the room Meredith had once shared with his two younger sisters, and to give them some semblance of privacy closed the door behind him. The ear-splitting snores coming from the tiny female sprawled in the centre of the bed, made it crystal clear the boisterous activates of the morning so far had completely passed her by.

Unlike both of his sisters who insisted sharing a room with Meredith was the singular reason they were now able to sleep through absolutely anything, Derek a notoriously light sleeper had resorted to wax ear plugs during their time together. Meredith had produced them the first time with a laugh, and a quip about how snoring like a trucker was the one trait she, and Thatcher had in common. Not once, had she believed him when he had swore her snores were almost reassuring in their ferocity. Out of embarrassment Derek had never explained how their very first night together in her tiny apartment, he had spent the whole night wide awake listening to her snore. Even though she had been curled naked in his arms, it was the fact that she was there snoring that had made it feel real, rather than just another dream he would wake from.

Now, listening with amused affection to a noise he had thought he would never hear again Derek found he was smiling. Not just because Meredith had come home, but because if they could work this out then one day it wouldn't be just snatched moments, instead it would be a lifetime. He would have a lifetime, and all the misery of the past few years would be left behind, never again would he have to endure the loneliness that had been his life without her. Work was what he had used to try, and fill the giant hole in his life left by her absence. The only moments of peace he had found had been in the O.R. However, those intoxicating peaks were near impossible to sustain when the one person you wanted to share them with had gone. It had meant he was constantly searching for the next high risk, or lost cause case. Professionally he had flourished, moving ahead of any of his competitors, where as his personal life outside the hospital had become non existent. He was well aware everyone had presumed his unpredictable moods, and workaholic tendencies were down to a combination of both the divorce, and his fallout with Meredith, and Derek hadn't corrected them. He couldn't, not when he had made a promise to Meredith never to reveal the affair to anyone, even Mark. The truth was very simple, any hurt, or disappointment he might have felt once about the failure of his marriage, was eclipsed easily by the devastation of his relationship with Meredith ending.

Unlike the numerous regrets he had where Meredith was concerned, his single regret with Rebecca was having dragged it out for so long. It wasn't even as if they had kept their marital problem's private. That was near impossible to do when you couldn't be in the same room together without a row kicking off. By the time he had first drunkly kissed Meredith, he couldn't remember the last time they were happy, or living as anything more than strangers. Meredith may think she was a home-wrecker, but what Derek wished she could truly understand was there was no home to wreck.

When she had left him, and he was forced to finally face up to the mess he had made, he had ended his marriage over the first dinner he had shared with his wife in months. There had been no dramatics, or pleas to try again, just acceptance from them both, that they were done pretending. The relief Rebecca had obviously felt had been clear to see, but for him any feeling of freedom, or weight lifted from his shoulders had been clouded by the realisation it was too little, too late. Whilst Meredith had left his life in a storm of emotions, Rebecca did so with barely a whimper. They had both known they wouldn't be the type of divorcees who stayed friends. There was no residual feelings, or jealousy to prevent them, it was just as Rebecca had so simply, and bluntly put, neither of them cared enough to try.