rayemma oneshots & other

Always

• Oneshot

No spoiler warning :)

Note: for RayEmma week 2021, day 2: angst/reminisce. This is the angst prompt

Ray came to bed crying again.

Emma stood between the walls of his bedroom and watched, just watched. Ray always cried alone after working all day and putting on a steeled face at dinner. He would never cry in the presence of anyone, not even when he was comforting the others that were going through the same amount of grief, not even in front of Norman or the ones he was closest to. Ray would only cry when he thought he was alone, and no one could see him vulnerable like this. 

But Emma could remember a time when Ray cried in front of someone, whenever he needed to. It was with her.

It had taken a lot of convincing, persistence, and putting up with his stubborn habit to refuse showing emotions, but eventually Emma got through. From then on, Ray always came to her when he was feeling doubt, the same way she did with him. And every time, Emma swore to herself. She'd always be there for him. She would never let him cry alone again.

And yet here she was, letting that exact thing happen.

Now all she could do was stand here and watch a Ray who had closed himself off from the world again. Watch him hide from his family and cry alone. It had been like this every night, for every week in the past three months. This was the kind of nightmarish future that Emma never wanted, and even more painful yet, she couldn't do anything to change it now.

The reason why Ray was alone and suffering, and the rest of her family was held back by mourning… it was all her fault.

It wasn't like she could have chosen anything else. There weren't any other options. She would never keep everyone in the demon world over her own life! She didn't mind the sacrifice of the reward as long as she could see her family cross over and be able to live a happy life! This wasn't what she wanted at all. Now she'd made a horrible mistake. She should have known that this would bring more suffering than good.

How selfish of her, to leave Ray like this. This was all her fault. All her fault.

Feeling a rush of frustration wash over her, Emma threw her fist to the wall, and it hit the surface. She could feel the cold grooves in the paint under her knuckles. But there was no sound from the impact, and Ray didn't stir beneath it. She couldn't really touch it at all.

Her hands… were transparent, as was the rest of her body. When she opened her mouth to speak, she had no voice. There was really no way she could communicate to Ray like this. But she had to do something, anything! She had to be there for him! Or else she was completely useless! 

She passed through the wall and approached his bed, where she crawled on top of it and sat next to him. Her legs didn't leave any imprint in the sheets. Ray didn't lift his head from where they were buried in his arms.

Emma had never seen something more painful than Ray's quiet crying. She put her hand on his shaking shoulder, and oh, it was so… warm. She could feel the warmth radiating off him. But he couldn't react to her touch.

He can't see her.

He can't hear her.

He can't feel her there.

Emma's eyes stung with tears. 

She'd really made the greatest mistake, huh?

She laid down beside him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and held on tightly. As tight as she could. She knew he wouldn't feel her, but it was all she could do.