rayemma oneshots & other

To Be Her Son

• Oneshot

Spoiler warning for chapter #52 and onward - mentioned place and characters

Note: hi sorry for not posting since october of last years lolz ‼️
Request from LuckyPancake sorry I went crazy and everywhere on this but i have always wanted to write this kind of thing and i wrote A L O T anyways hope you enjoy still <3

It's strange, in life, you end up missing people you never thought you would.

Some people, you're not even sure if missing is the correct term to describe it. Towards some, your emotions are a blazing, whirling tangle of things, things so terrifyingly strong and complex that you haven't even considered them yet, their fury and the impact they've left on you is so dreadful to unravel, that you never unravel it at all, and it lays dormant as some aching, unfilled hole in the chest.

Some people, you find yourself offended to miss. Like it's a betrayal of all your rationality and morals to miss them, and yet, still, you do. It's not right. It's not correct. You wish emotions were rational and just.

This is why Ray has never fully considered how he feels about her. He's scared of the conclusion he might come to.

Because, what then, if it does turn out to be the answer he so fears and resents?

What will he do, what will he think, if he realizes he still loves his mother despite everything she's done?

It's a black hole. There's no escaping being sucked in. He doesn't know what to do. How will he cope with that feeling if it turns out to be true?

He already has too many feelings that he can no longer settle. He can't talk to Norman. He can't talk to his siblings who he let die. Ray has burdens that lay like heavy stones in his heart, but he somehow sits with them, because this locking down of feelings is something he learned to survive Grace Field.

Speaking of that, he never would have had to learn such survival if not for his mother. But he lived. But if not for his mother, there would be no life, no Ray at all. But if not for his mother, then he wouldn't have had to watch his loved ones die. But if not for the world, then maybe his mother could have loved him.

If he thinks enough, then in a way, no one is to blame but the demon world. But it's easy to blame Isabella for being a simply cruel and self-centered person. It's easy to say that she was just bad, and not the ball of tangled twine that is the actual truth, the truth that he doesn't want to accept.

But he was thirteen, and living in a safe bunker in the outside world, with a huge number of people after winning many victories and securing a small life - a constantly endangered one, but a life.

This is why he hates her. If he had done it, then why couldn't she?

Why did she infuriatingly give up on everything and become who she was, if she easily had the potential to be just like him and avoid this suffering?

But then he also can't blame her for it either, he realizes, when he's faced with the facts. He also gave up, half out of guilt, half out of thinking he knew the right way out and nothing else would be so perfect because this way was easy and absolved him.

If not for Emma, he would not be standing here with a beating heart, he would be ash in the ground.

And that's why he can only scoff to himself.

He, bitterly, can't blame her in some ways. Because thinking that there's no other way out and giving up is a family trait, apparently. Wanting so desperately to be forgiven, yet doing nothing about it because you believe no one in the world would ever accept you as the monster you are, is something they both share.