Growing Up and Other Tall Tales

Chapter 61

When she does wake up, I am asleep.

Kathy came over with Hye-Rin and they chat over Lyra's still body for half an hour while I waited outside on the plastic seats and the smell of antiseptic overdose.

I wake up to Hye-Rin tugging on my arm and my head must have rolled onto the side because there is a cramp sliding taciturn fingers across the side of my neck.

"She's awake," Hye-Rin beams and there are tears in her eyes. It takes a while for me to register what she says and then my brain catches up to reality and my movements begin to coordinate with my will.

I almost break the door by crashing into it.

She's awake alright. Her eyes are open and I was right, I notice triumphantly, she is prettier when her eyes are open. The prettiest, I correct dumbly. I think I'm too overwhelmed to allow the effect of the thought to settle in properly. I see her face over Kathy's shoulder, big, bright eyes blinking out six days of sleep. Her gaze slides off me as if she doesn't register my presence, as if I'm part of the bland wallpaper and the thought of intruding in on what is a private, family moment pricks at my side.

And then Kathy withdraws from Lyra, still crying, her phone out already to notify everyone. It was like the whole world was holding their breath, waiting for her eyes to open. At least, I know I was.

I breathe.

Lyra lifts her head a little and now she sees me. She looks at me.

Something crawls out of the depths of her throat but I know she is saying my name. I smile and something glazes over my eyes and the sight of her goes blurry. Are those tears? I hurriedly blink them back.

She lifts her fingers a little.

Hi.

"Hey," I manage and then I'm moving to the bed, I replace the spot that was occupied by Kathy and my hand goes to cover hers, like I've done all this time. Only this time her fingers breathe life in between my own.

"I—" and I don't know what to say and even if I did, I can't. My mouth opens and emptiness floods out. It's like someone is stepping on my vocal chords. I can feel words in my chest but I don't know what they are.

"I know," she says carefully and my shoulders quiver. I lean in and pull myself to her. Her arms circle around me and I'm careful not to cut off any tubes feeding into her. I press my face into the crook of her shoulder and close my eyes.

"You know?" I shake a little

"Yeah," and I don't think she knows, not really. She doesn't know the fear that had clogged in my throat the last couple of days, she doesn't know how sorry I am, she doesn't know how helpless, how angry, how tired I feel. She doesn't know jack.

"How long have I been out?" she asks

"Three years," I tell her

She doesn't believe me for a second.

"Six days," Kathy says more helpfully

"Fuck," she groans, "How much school did I miss?"

We all laugh because of course, that's what she is worried about.

Time just sort of smiles and stills in that room. We talk and laugh and try to retain some sort of normalcy. Lyra's phone doesn't explode but ours do. It's as if no one wanted to bother Lyra but berated us trying to get to her.

"Aiden?" a soft voice speaks up and we all turn to look. Lyra lifts her head up in vain.

Luna stands barely cutting off the white lights from the hallway at the front of the door, positively terrified by the suddenly crowded room and being unable to spot me with Kathy and Hye-Rin's blocking me from view. She's holding her teddy bear by its paw, one foot in the room and the other foot out, ready to run.

"Luna," I say and stood up still holding Lyra's hand, "There's someone I want you to see,"

Lyra looks at me confused, but with a hint of a puzzled smile. I squeeze her hand.

Luna's posture relaxes upon hearing my voice and runs (she can hobble-run now) around the two other girls to me. I bend and let her climb onto my waist so I can lift her onto the bed.

"Lyra!" she gasps in a pleasant shock

Lyra looks at her, a little surprised but covers it instantly and says: "I don't think it's fair you know my name and I don't know yours,"

When Lyra talks, Luna's eyes grow bigger as she becomes something more than what my words have drawn her out to be: a living, talking thing. It's like she just saw her favorite celebrity.

"Luna," she becomes shy, now, and buries her face in my arm.

"Like Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter?"

Luna beams.

It doesn't take Luna long to detach herself completely from me and become completely engrossed in whatever Lyra had to say and I am allowed to sit and hold Lyra's hand close to me, feeling and enjoying the life that pulsated through her fingers.

---------------------------------------

Amy calls me.

"She's okay. She's awake," I tell her when she asks and it feels good. Saying it out loud. It's like every time I say it out, the truer it becomes and more the reality settles in snug around my consciousness.

"Nick can't pick his phone up," she says and a clatter on the other end confirms it, "He is too jittery."

I grin giddily at the mental image.

"Aiden, darling?" Amy says and I nod, "It's nice to hear your voice."

It's only then I realized that I've not talked to any of them for a week. I answered, if at all, with shrugs and shakes of my head. The only outside contact I allowed myself was Luna.

"Amy, listen," I say, "I'm sorry—"

"For shutting me out?"

I don't say anything.

"Don't do it again, okay?" she says softly, "It's hard enough to see her like that on a hospital bed. I can't lose both my boys too,"

"I—yeah," I look up feeling a heavy gaze on me. I raise my eyebrows at Lyra who's staring up at me. Her eyes fall onto our locked fingers that I've raised up to my forehead. I loosen my grip so she can withdraw her hand. She doesn't. I hold her gaze, and she smiles, she smiles this soft, shy smile. And it's absolutely devastating. I let out a low shattered breath. I don't think I know that smile because I've never seen it before.

"Aiden?" Amy's muffled voice speaks up

"I'll see you Ames," I say absently

Lyra's face contorts, instantly and she lets go of my hand. I almost grapple to try to regain my hold but I don't.

She looks hurt.

"Lyra," I don't know why my tone is apologetic. It's like my inner Missy knew I did something wrong but Aiden doesn't.

Her gaze hardens, incapable of that smile. She turns her head to talk to Luna who noticed our exchange. Luna returns to the conversation but not before throwing me an angry look.