Growing Up and Other Tall Tales

Chapter 17

"Hey Lyra, should you guys call yourselves 'bro-ommates' or 'bruh-mates'?"

Some days I don't listen to Nick because I am busy falling into an existential spiral but today it's different. There's an actual cage with an actual living creature in Kathy's hands. It's making me nervous.

"Oooh, what about the Switchblade Sisters? It's perfect—"

Diana groans loudly over her dinner leftovers and I take over. "There are sounds coming out of your mouth."

"How about—"

"No."

"Play nice, you two," Hye-Rin chides while putting on her shoes and drinking from Diana's cup. "Lyra's, what, only a week into the new term? The maiming can wait until exams."

"Then I'll be camping at the café two blocks down." I mumble to myself and then beamingly, "Maiming is approved?"

Nick does not. "Over my dead body."

"That's the point, you dick."

"Not in front of Nicodemus!" Kathy snaps

"Did you name—"

"No."

"Yeah you are right." Nick sniffs, "It was getting too sentimental."

Diana is still staring very openly and very blatantly at the elephant—well, the rat in the room.

"I'm sorry but where—how, why?" she breaks and begins waving frantically in the general direction of Kathy and then slumps over before turning to Hye-Rin who shushes her

"A friend at work gave him to me." she shrugs

Diana, Hye-Rin and I quickly exchanged glances because we all know what 'friend' is code for and the way she shimmies her shoulders excitedly makes Nick bite his lip to contain his laughter.

"Romantic," Nick offers sympathetically and Hye-Rin nods in agreement

"Is this how heterosexual courtship works?" Diana scrunches her face

"Shut up." Kathy groans and settles the cage down on the coffee table. The rat moves a paw. I climb over Nick's lap to shield myself with his body in case of the off chance it enlarges into a flesh eating—

"Tell me about this boy," Nick looks at me betrayed before turning to Kathy. She looks at him gleefully and begins

"He's the director of design and he had to model one day because—"

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It doesn't take long for Nick and I to get sucked into the mass of far too many enthusiastic student organizations. Left, right, and all around, Nick tries to Naruto run his way through a sea of amateur sales marketers, Jesus preachers, and the Astronomy club. The last one in particular is annoying. They've been using the same 'to the stars' scene from Titanic for the past millennia.

"This girl from some freaky club almost wrecked me in the jewels," Nick reappears at my side grumbling

"Which freaky club and what jewels?" I say glancing over half-interested at the magazine committee

"Physics. I mean, who willingly joins a club about physics and likes it?"

I shrug, dusting off my coat. "Everyone's got a thing for something."

"Crazies," Nick hisses conspiratorially. "Crazies, everywhere."

"Masochists." I correct him gently

"Weren't we supposed to go find this Julie gal?" Nick suddenly remembers

I roll my eyes and drag him by his hoodie. He has a personality of a soap opera so I figure that the choking sounds are probably just for show. Maybe the drama club will be a good way for him to project his compelling attributes.

There are a few book stacks weighing down an overused vinyl banner decorated with an almost offensively large and gloriously terrifying drama mask that's just like, HEY YOU, YES YOU we're a club that's largely and actively involved in making ourselves fools in the public eye. How have I not noticed this before?

But I'm too busy wrestling Nick away from the suspicious looking free bowl of sweets to notice that there is someone at the table.

"Is that—"

"My dude—"

"You look like you're cutting off our captain's circulation," points out the very confused, very out-of-place striker. "Unless—"

"No no no, this is definitely nonconsensual," Nick gets out hoarsely, "And, gross. Come on, man."

"Are you Julie?" I ask the guy. I try for Calm Business but ends up with Post-disaster Duck. Liam looks at me for a few seconds before blinking really hard

"Um—I, no. Julie—is, not—is out at the back. Liam." He scratches the back of his head and then sticks his hand out at me. "Me. That is to say, I am Liam."

Liam is a striker that plays on the field with Nick and is also apparently an avid aficionado of the performing arts. I look suspiciously at Nick who is staring unimpressed at his teammate.

"Exquisite phrasing," he deadpans

"We'll come back later than," I say already tugging down on Nick's sleeve

"Oh, wait, while you're here," Liam says, pulling out a laptop that is probably not his, unless the dude really likes Hello Kitty and Strawberry Shortcake stickers. On the screen is an application form. "Wanna join the club? Julie—who you were searching for—kind of put me up here. You get free food. And go on stage."

"Are you interested in pre-law? Your skills of persuasion are incredible." Nick demands. "Tell me more, Mr. Grey." I snicker under my breath. The cold makes Nick a little prickly.

"Alright," I announce loudly, "Just put our names. Tell Julie we came to see her." I take a step back before scribbling my number down with a drying felt tip on the inside of one of the magazines. "Give this to Julie."