Chapter 93

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"Aiden I'm freezing," she mutters bouncing from one foot to the other staring at me impatiently asking me to get the fuck on with whatever I had to say

"Okay, so," I pause and regroup my emotions and collate them carefully, "Remember what I said about being friends,"

Lyra hesitates, confused. "Right," she agrees, eyeing me cautiously.

"I was being stupid," I deadpan and I watch her eyes widen, "Nick taught me. I get it now. I mean I've always known I just never knew." (I never knew that I was an incoherent fucking idiot.) I take a deep breath. "Because that's not how I feel about you."

She doesn't say anything. Her face is closed. Shut off.

"I want more," I admit out loud. For the first time. My lungs start to crack back into system and my windpipe unclogs. "I want to kiss you. All the time."

She doesn't say anything. Her cheeks turn that pretty pink.

"And," I gesture. "Not just that. I want to hold hands, I want to sleep on your shoulder, I want to drink the tea you make and hear you grumble. I want to take you out on dates and taste coffee on your mouth and finish your breakfast. I want to hear you talk about Keats and the intricacies of investigating sexism and androcentrism within the philosophical tradition. I want to share that huge cheesecake on sale with you. I want to brush the hair out of your face and tell you that you are beautiful Lyra Donovan. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you."

I breathe heavily. My voice had gone hoarse towards the end. I reflect back on my words.

Oh shit.

That didn't come out quite as planned.

Lyra blinks and then swallows and then, "You what?"

My breath abandons me and leaves for a small hut in the Alpes, unable to cope with the stress of my beating heart, and because clearly I am a hopeless case.

"Cheesecake?" I manage

"Not that, dumbass," she moves closer and I wonder if my breath had abandoned me or if she had stolen it

"Oh, I love you?" I say

"Are you asking or telling?" she demands making me smile inwards

Definitely telling.

"Want me to scream it?" I ask teasingly

Looking stricken, "Please don't." she says and then quietly, as if to confirm. "You love me?"

There's no going back now.

I've nothing left to lose, I might as well confess to all my sins.

"With every bit of whatever is left of me," I promise softly. My thumb brushes against my index finger. I look down and continue, "If you'll take it, if you'll take me. I'm all in."

There are shadows casting those spidery webs casting on her face and I can't see her expression clearly enough for me to prepare myself beforehand.

"Wait," she finally says, "did you say Nick taught you?"

"Uh, yeah, he did," I confess. "Everyone helped me figure out my...um, feelings."

"Everyone?"

"All of the people at the party. Like, Amy, and Cindy, and Missy—"

"Oh god," Lyra groans and her goes up to cover her face

"...and Valentine, and Sandy, and Ace," I continue out of fear so that I wouldn't have to hear what she has to say, "and Duke, and Rider, and Jonas and Duchess..."

"Please, please stop," Lyra says.

"...and Cain and—"

Lyra shuts me up with a kiss.

I choke a couple of more names before it dawns on me what's happening and why it's happening.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

I wrap my arms around Lyra, my hands sliding around her waist and the back of her neck. She had stood on her tiptoes to kiss me and now she settled back down on her feet allowing me to lean down into her. Her hands blister gentle warmth as they sling around my shoulders and my index finger tilts her chin up and—

"Is that...your crown?" Lyra breaks away looking down

I extricate my arm from around her. "Oh shit," I mutter, surprised at the plastic crown still in my hand. "Yeah, I...must've been holding it this whole time. Here." I drop the crown onto Lyra's head. Lyra laughs, startled. Open mouthed and beautiful.

She shivers. And I'm reminded that we are standing in the middle of a snow at ass o clock kissing. And it's as romantic as it is healthy.

Trust me to have the perfect timing.

"Here," I open the folds of my coat tucking her in so that she's pressed against my chest. She's the perfect height for me to comfortably place my chin on her head so that I can hug her trying to encapsulate as much of heat as I can. A little bit of self-indulgence, sue me. "Better?"

"Mhm," she murmurs against me and when I look down I can only see her face peering up at me with those big unblinking pools of grey, "My legs are cold,"

"Yeah?" I whisper because she's whispering and it seems like our secret and wow, she has big eyes and they look like they know the answers to all the mysteries in the universe including why I am being such a fucking sap. Actually, I don't mind that. I like our secret. Our secret sounds nice, "Jump,"

"Excuse me?"

"Trust me," I say, "Wrap your legs around me. You'll feel warmer,"

"Or we can just go back in,"

"Or you can wrap your legs around me. Come on, why do I have to be the one doing all the romantic shit?" I stare and it's not even a minute into our...whatever the hell we are doing and we are already fighting. And it's familiar, the bickering is warm and Lyra does jump and let me wrap her legs around my torso so that I'm looking up at her. I reposition my holding so she doesn't fall.

Her hair cascades down falling past her shoulders in lazy waves fusing with the snowy night. She leans down so her elbows rest on my shoulder and her fingers tug shyly at the ends of my hair strands. Her face isn't soft lines and pale skin and rosy lips. It's beautiful in how it is awkward and strong and honest and the moonlight and its snow cannot hold a candle to Lyra. When she sees me looking she presses a chaste kiss against my mouth making me arch my neck to chase her lips.

You blind fucking idiot Aiden, I think absently

"Stop staring," she scolds pushing my shoulder, flushing richly under the attention. Her legs tighten for warmth around my stomach.

"Okay, okay," I laugh with her, "I'll be good."

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