Everything in life was once a fine-printed book. I began to think, though, about life, about depression, and whatever was before had a deteriorating title, and I saw a prolong war that should be over. I had smiled. I had laughed. I had loved more than I ever could before, but I still burned in the water. I was drowning and sinking, but I was still alive. Beneath the water and under the flames, I cried.
Water suffocated me,
But I was breathing fine.
I opened my eyes and began to see
The shine.
I was scorched down to my bone, where they were even damaged. My heart throbbed excruciatingly as I sank further and further. However, I stayed alive. The likelihood of me still breathing should be to zero, but here I am, doing that, wishing to die.
My presence is pointless.
Why am I in this world?
I’m only worthless.
Why do I remain lingering in this world?
My arms floated before me. I slightly turned as if I was diving into the water. My hair swarmed around me and I continued to see the shine. It was bent within the water. It formed splotches and squares, drawing lines that extended passed me. I blinked; they wouldn’t disappear. What is happening? I wondered. The further I sank, the brighter the shine became.
There was a sign
Of the possibility of a new life.
The gleam became more brilliant; I knew it was mine,
But within me, there was only strife.
Through that shine, I felt an odd sensation but a sensation I had experienced before. The stroke of the shine upon my body had the touch of another person. It was soft and smooth, caressing my skin. I was somehow released from the pain I undergone for years. I was reassured that life was nothing but kindness. It showed me the purpose I always had, although it was never discovered. In the depths of the ocean, I cried.
Take it all in.
Release it as if it never began.
Accept what can’t be changed; you’ll win.
Don’t let this win; it’s a sickening plan.
I closed my eyes and imagined gripping the hand, holding it as if it were a loved one. It wasn’t a familiar hand but the kindness it gave was all that I needed. I squeezed it with the strength I had before trying to die, brought it to my chest, and gave the love I wished for back. My body rumbled as I cried heavily.
Take it all in.
Release it as if it never began.
Accept what can’t be changed; you’ll win.
Don’t let this win; it’s a sickening plan.
I love you, I thought to it. I flashed my eyes open as I repeated the three words. I love you. I love you. I love you. That was it, wasn’t it? This is what I had been absent to.
“I love you,”
The voice said so clear to me.
“It will soon come to rest through,
Which you no longer have to plea.”
I floated within the depths of the water, gazing forward into thick darkness. Through it came a dim light in search for something. I felt my body yearn for it as I asked for it to find me. As it waved around in the water, I gathered a little strength I had and pushed myself to move. I tightened my muscles and swam into an upright position, my eyes remaining on the light. I reached above my head and as I swiftly brought my arms back down, I kicked my legs. I did it several times until I saw the thin line, crossing the surface. I’m was so close but yet so far. My legs gave out and I stopped swimming. What if it didn’t want me? What if it wasn’t important?
A voice spoke to me:
“Something that is cherished greatly
Must remain in damaged hands,
Grasping it so stately
From the one who falls more than stands—
“Hated more than loved,
Punished by vicious demons,
Crying through battle being unloved
Throughout months, throughout the seasons.”
I felt like a lead weight as I gradually sank back down. The surface of the water was faint and the shine weakened, while I passed a new depth. I thought about fighting against the pressure forcing me down but thought again of the truth. No one was out there for me. I’m alone. I’m dead in the water.
Smiles once existed in a world so bright.
Joy caught up in the freedom of the night.
Honesty intertwined with love’s grasp
That was once held with a tight clasp.
Do you remember the days of the storm?
Such a dark and gloomy atmosphere
Always held a light willing to form
When nothing is truly sincere.
When moments had pushed you down,
When words had threatened your existence,
You always found a reason not to frown
No matter how small or great the distance.
Happiness remained around the corner;
Sorrow blanketed by the power
Of a battling mourner,
Waiting for it all to be over in an hour.
There’s a light within the water
And it’s searching for you.
It’s okay if you’re not immediately stronger
Once it has found you.
Even loneliness is ready to leave,
Depression packing its own bags,
Just wait and believe
That Hell is racing its many white flags.
Believe and you won’t be deceived,
The world loves like you secretly love it.
Open your eyes and see what you’ve achieved
In the years of suffering with happiness, admit it.
My body was carefully laid down as I sunk onto a barrier. As I lay here, I focused on the light stroking the surface of the water. Either it was from this distance or the failure to find me, the light slowly began to fade away. Deep down and quickly spreading I became okay with the thought of it leaving. The lack of oxygen to my brain had potentially damaged the normal functions of my brain as more insane thoughts sprouted: It’s okay; I’ll be fine. The light will return if it does leave. If I’m left alone in the darkness, I would eventually see the stars warped through the rippling water. All was fine. Whatever I was destined for, I was okay with. The darkness can easily be broken by a single strip of light. Something bright can still be seen through vast obscurity.
The light within the water grew brighter as it pierced through the thickness of its walls. It shattered through pressures until it had found me, scooping me up into its arms and pulling me from the chilling water. Upon the surface, I was brought onto a boat with only one lone sailor, who wrapped me into warm blankets. When our eyes linked, his spoke words I would never forget. “You don’t know how long I’ve been looking for you.”
