About Time

Chapter 7

March 2014

Finally done with the testing of our thesis. All that is left are our documents. Our final defense is to be scheduled 2 weeks before graduation day of my batchmates. With only documents left to worry about, my friends didn't have to go to my house for overnight work anymore. My schedule finally relaxed a bit. That night, I went to Edz's place to have ourselves a drink.

Kirk followed afterwards. The three of us finally got back together after such a long time. Kirk and I have been busy with school over the last three months. The three of us haven't hung out for a drink since December. I been longing to have a break for quite some time now. The last few months of a school year is truely grueling. It drains you physically and mentally.

It has been a week after Marge and I talked. I haven't contacted her since. I felt like I didn't have to anymore. I didn't want to be a bother to her. She's too precious for me, I'd rather make her hate me if it means her being happy with someone else. Some things are just too beautiful that you can't have them.

Anyways, while I was at Edz's place, it wasn't all drinking and goofing off. I brought a laptop with me to finish editing the paperwork of my thesis. I was multitasking but I had no other choice, I just wanted to finish the paperwork as soon as possible.

Glass after glass of beer entered my system and it came to a point where I can no longer type easily due to drunkeness, so I turned off the laptop and continued drinking. We drank until 1 AM in the morning, but the crazy shit didn't end there.

The three of us were drunk and got nothing to do, so we grabbed a guitar and thought of a song to play. Ultimately, we decided to play Passenger's Let Her Go. The crazy thing was we had to record it and post it online. We were drunk and we didn't care. Edz played the song and I became the vocals, while Kirk didn't do jack shit.

We then played cards and watched TV until 4:30 AM. I went to sleep knowing that I was supposed to have a meeting by 9AM.

I remember waking up to the beam of sunlight that flashed near my eyes. I grabbed my phone and saw that it was 6:30 AM. I also saw that Marge sent me a message. I was still groggy and my eyes hurt, so I decided to sleep. It probably was just another group message, so I didn't really mind what the message was.

I woke up again, hoping to wake up before 9AM. I checked the time, it was 8:45AM.

"Oh, fuck.", those words were all I could utter. I wanted to get up, but my body won't let me. I was too tired to get up, and the whopping hangover overtook my body. It was a decision I didn't want to make, but I decided to not give a fuck and opted to sleep.

However, I did enough care to check what Marge had sent me.

"Ralph..."

That's it? So it wasn't a group message after all. I wonder what she wanted to have texted me so early.

"Hey, Marge. Why so early?", I typed the message on the phone and waited for it to send. What I didn't realize however, was how quickly I received her reply.

She replied with, "Hey, go back to sleep." ended by a surprised emoticon.

"That's what I did hours ago", was what I wanted to say, but I replied with, "So, Marge? Why so early?"

"Oh, nothing...", was all she replied. Really? You texted me at 6:30 in the morning and it's all for nothing?

I replied her with, "Maybe you missed me, Marge...", to shake her up a bit.

"Yes, I do, Ralph."

Now that was I reply I wasn't ready to take in. It woke me from sleepiness and caused me to slap my senses a bit, so I replied, "I don't deserve to be missed Marge. We both live in the same city, you know."

She replied with, "But you didn't send me any messages for a week now..."

From that point, I got confused. Why would she bother maintaining contact with me, if she has her boyfriend to have communication with? I didn't know how to approach the situation, so I just simply told the truth.

"I didn't know how to approach you Marge. I didn't know what to say after we talked."

She didn't reply for awhile, which was understandable. I was lying still on the bed pondering on what had just transpired. I was thinking if she was serious about missing me. It couldn't be true. Why would she miss a person like me when she should miss her boyfriend more? She didn't need to tell me about it.

Maybe I dug too deep into it. Maybe it wasn't a big deal. Maybe she just misses the friendship. Maybe I felt it was wrong for her to miss me because she knows I have feelings for her. Maybe I was thinking too much.

We still texted but not so much; only small talk. A similar feeling came over me, a feeling that was oh so familiar. I had this feeling too many times before. I felt awkward, and deep down I knew, Marge felt awkward too.

Is it better this way? Maybe. I would do anything for her if it makes her happy, even if it makes her hate me. She's happy with her boyfriend and I should just stay out of the way. Little did I know that the next night, we would end up having a conversation that was the penultimate nail on the coffin.

She suddenly messaged me, "Ralph, are we still, friends?", and it took me by surprise. What would she want to know? So I asked, "Where are you going with this, Marge?"

I didn't like where the conversation was going, then she replied with, "I just want to know."

What does she want to know? Is there something she specifically wants to know?

I simply replied, "We're still texting, right? So I guess were still friends.", not really knowing why she asked in the first place.

She replied with, "I thought we would be awkward again, Ralph."

She was right, it was awkward to talk with her. I wanted for us to remain friends but I don't want to ruin their relationship. If I compromise right now, both of us would never truly be happy. I regretted what I did next but I felt I had to do it.

"Marge, I don't think we should continue this. Does your boyfriend even know about me?", I replied to her. She texted, "Yes, he does know, and he gets upset, jealous even. But he understands, no big deal."

At that point, I made my decision to stay away. Things can't go on like this. This has to end, no matter how much I wanted to be with her.

"Marge, I don't think your boyfriend wants us to be hanging out. He may say it's no big deal, but its bothering him a lot. I'm willing to let myself stay away if it means making you happy.", I replied.

"No, it doesn't make me happy if you stay away, but you're right, maybe I should just stay away too. I think your life was a whole lot better when I wasn't around."

As I read her message, I felt a sting on my chest. This had to be done, no matter how much it would pain us. She would not end up happy if I continue to interfere with her life.

"Marge, it became a lot better when you were around, but I couldn't help falling for you. You're happy with someone else now. I don't think it would be ideal if I would stick around with you knowing what I feel, and I'm pretty sure your boyfriend doesn't want me to hang around with you either."

When the night was over, I felt sick. I didn't like what I just did, but it had to be said. I had to let her go, even if it pains me. If we ever become friends again in the future, then so be it.