The Choice

Chapter 23

(Felix's POV)

I fell asleep without realizing it. My pillow was a bit damp. I literally just cried myself to sleep. Great. I groggily made myself sit up. I stared at my phone on the table, then grabbed it and dialed her number.

"Yes?" She answered with a very sleepy voice.


"Ruth.. "

"Felix,"

"Can we talk?"

"We're talking, aren't we?"  

I sighed. "Don't be like this, Ruth."

"Don't be what exactly, Felix?"

"You're making it so hard." Can you please let me explain?

"Oh, am I the one who started this façade?" 

A tear escaped my eye. "I didn't mean to hide it from you, Ruth. I always wanted to tell you but you looked so happy. I don't want to hurt you."

"You already did, Felix. You should have told me. I shouldn't have feel so stupid."

Words felt stuck in my mouth. "Ruth, I'm sorry."

"Can we stop talking about this? I want to forget everything. Please, Felix."

"Ruthery,"

"Goodbye, Felix." She said as the call dropped, leaving me with a busy tone. I wasn't able to tell her everything. Why can't I just talk when I hear her voice?

Why am I such a coward? I didn't tell her at first because I was scared to lose her. Now, I am indeed losing her. What can do to stop it? Would there be anything that I can do? I was scared of losing her, but now, what was the point of my fear of telling her the truth about Mitch?

Never did I loved Mitch. Everything was physical. Filling the gaps in our hearts, but, she got attached and I let her be. I never knew that I was capable of love. I never knew that I will meet someone like Ruth.

Her smile seems to light up my world as cliché it may sounds. The way she intently listens to me even though I am already mumbling away random stuff. She was carefree, innocent, and too bright for this cruel world. She was such a fresh breeze of spring in my life. Can someone like me is allowed to be by her side? Would she accept a jerk like me? Someone as tainted as me?

~

A loud ringing of my phone woke me up. It was an unknown number. I answered and almost dropped my phone.

"This is Felix, right? This is Mitch's mom. We just found her hanging herself inside her room. We do not know how long she was up there." She sobbed. "Please, Felix. Can you rush over here in the hospital? I will message you the address. Please, Felix, you are the only one that she listens to." Then, the call suddenly ended and my phone beeped with the hospital address.

Mitch tried to kill herself. I have been with her for the past days. She won't eat anything if I am not the one feeding her. Her parents practically begged me to stay with their daughter. I cannot say no to them at all. This made me feel like I am the only thread that is keeping her alive. Would everything be different if I did not comfort her that day? I shouldn't  have approached her and gave her a handkerchief and listened to her woes. Why do I have to be in this complicated situation?


A notification cut me off from my thoughts. It was a reminder that today was the last day of Ruth's training camp. We will be having the farewell party the day after tomorrow. I sighed. All seniors were encouraged to join even though we already graduated.

(Present Day)

As I stared down the glass window, I just noticed that you can see the terrace which is two floors down. Ruth was there and she was with someone.

I sighed. It's all over. I have already missed out my chance. It was the same on that day during the farewell party.