Forever In My Heart - Micheal's Story

We Meet Again

I returned to mine and Trevor's home, the bag on my back clinking with bottles. I had made a stop on the way back to buy alcohol, I just wanted to be numb.

I drank one bottle, then another one. The room began to swim. I collapsed onto the sofa....

"Michael"

"Trevor"

"What are you doing?"

"I need you – I'm sorry"

"You can't be here"

I woke with a start – someone was hammering on the front door.

I stumbled to the door and opened it.

Tracey.

"Mum told me what you did? Guess that puts a whole new meaning to Uncle Trevor"

She screamed

"How did you find me?"
"I followed you. Been sat in my car for hours wondering what to do or say"

"Trace, I don't want any trouble. Please Sweetie"

"Don't Sweetie me – I aint shit to you."

I fell to the floor in tears, now my children really didn't want me. I never meant to hurt any of them, but I couldn't stay quiet any more.

"You really are a mess Michael"

She turned and left, I felt like she wanted to say more but couldn't.

I stumbled back into the sitting room. I slumped onto the sofa, picked up the box and took the pictures out. I slightly smiled as I flicked through them; there was one of me and Trevor in our hotel room, another one outside somewhere. Probably North Yankton. I held the photos close to my chest, I must have passed out again.

I felt his gentle kiss on my lips, his hands round my waist. When had I stood up?

Was this another memory?

His grip tightened round me – hungry for my body.

It was a memory, but a very early one – one that I had forgotten.

We had spent the evening in a bar, the smell of burnt flesh finally wiped out of our memories. I can remember getting lost in his brown eyes as he spoke. I had never felt like this before. Once the night was over, we said goodnight and returned to our separate rooms.

I led in my bed, trying to get to sleep, but I couldn't. Every time I shut my eyes, I would see him. My body began to react at the thought of him – I had to be drunk. After all I was straight.

I turned over and looked at the ceiling, but the more I did the more I craved him. I swore under my breath, got up and got dressed.

It took me a while to walk the short distance to his room, what was I going to say to him? Hey I can't get you out my head, so please take me now? Hell no!! I'd make it up when I got there. I knocked on the door and waited.

"What"

I felt my breath catch

"Hey T"

I watched as the door slowly opened and Trevor stood there in his boxers. I gulped and tried to regain my composure. He was asking if everything was alright. I couldn't speak; his body was perfect to me. Sure he had scars from fights, but that just made me want him more. I finally found my voice and asked if I could enter. Trevor stepped to the side to let me in, and I entered his room. I couldn't help eyeing him up. That's when I realised – he was aroused. He moved further into the room, trying to pick up some trousers. I stopped him, he didn't need to hide anything from me.

"It's ok"

I whispered.

He had sat down on the bed, I couldn't control myself. I walked over to him, and kicked his legs apart, kissing him gently on the lips. I was so scared he'd push me away and hit me, but he didn't. He kissed me back, but then,

"Michael, I'm not..."

I hushed him by kissing him with more force causing him to moan. I smirked. If he had been trying to tell me that he was straight, I wasn't falling for it.

Nudging him backwards, I knelt over him. I could tell that we both wanted each other; I even tested this by pushing against him as I kissed him again. He responded by running his hands down my back, causing me to moan.

I can then remember going down on him, but what I can remember clearly was our first time.

Teasing him, I placed one finger inside him, then another.

He called my name, turning me on even more.

I took this as a cue that he was ready, so I shifted my position so that I was now behind him. He was just about to turn to look at me, when I entered him. His head dropped down as he tried to bury his moans, but I could still hear him. I gently moved back and forth, making sure he could feel everything. He soon matched me and it was pure bliss. I cried out Trevor's name and took him in my hand, making him lose all control – I soon followed.

We spent the night together in each other's arms not wanting to be apart. In fact, we even went to the reception the next day and made out that we couldn't afford separate rooms so I was going to sleep on the floor of his room. I didn't care if they believed us or not.

When I finally came round, my head was pounding. Looking around the room, I saw all the empty bottles - some had spilled over and stained the carpet, broken furniture, and my dead phone next to me. How had it come to this?

As I stood up, the room span. Something didn't feel right. My heart was pounding, I felt sick – anxious. My chest was tight and I couldn't catch my breath. I tried to walk to the door but I fell after a few steps. I needed help. I called out, but there was nobody there. Laying on the floor, I closed my eyes and tried to catch my breath. I realised it was slowing down – maybe it was just a panic attack, after all, it had been a while since I had drank that much. I smiled to myself, and tried to get to my feet. I couldn't. Instead I crawled back to the sofa, a sharp pain ripping through my chest. I cried out in pain, scrambling for my phone. I couldn't see the screen properly. A sense of panic washed over me again. I realised what was happening, that this was how it was meant to be. I dropped my phone and picked up mine and T's photos and clutched them to my chest. Tears fell down my face as I slowly fell to the floor.

"Hey Mickey – you know your still early?"

I looked at T, then said,

"Early?"

Holding out his hand, Trevor said,

"It doesn't matter now. You're here"

I took his hand and stood up.

"Where are we?"
I asked.

"Where ever you want us to be"

He replied.

I turned to face him, smiled and gave him a kiss.

"I missed you"
Trevor smiled at me and replied,

"I missed you too"

I looked around and realised we were somewhere near Paleto Bay. Up on a ridge, the sun just beginning to set. Trevor tugged at my hand and I followed him.

"We forgot a thousand things every day – but our love wasn't one of them"