Text Me If You Can (YiZhan FF)

Is this worth it?

Yibo has no memory of saying goodbye to his firiends, walking out of Xiao Zhan’s apartment or taking the elevator to the parking lot. He doesn’t remember getting in the car, or setting up his GPS for the airport while Yu-ge nervously sits next to him, shooting him pointed looks. But all of these things must have happened, as the automated voice of the GPS application guides his route. He concentrates on the bland and uncaring computer-generated tone, as he inhales and exhales at a pace that is steadily becoming something close to normal.

“Wang Yibo.” Yang Yu Teng has fully turned around in his seat to face Yibo. “Are you okay?”

Yibo clenches the steering wheel tighter. It reminds him of one of Lan Wangji’s classic Bichen-clenches. “I’m fine,” he huffs. “Sorry about my friends.”

“They were fine! Nothing to apologize about!” Yu shakes his head.

“You didn’t mind the ‘boy band’ comments?” Yibo works to control his voice, and keeps the sarcasm from seeping in. None of this is Yu’s fault.

“Oh,” the older man blushes. “Well, I’m used to it. Our shippers actually call me ‘laopo’, he chuckles.

His laugh breaks through Yibo’s cold demeanour. “And that’s really okay with you? You don’t mind?”

“Well, it’s different in Taiwan, right? We’re just another shipped couple, starring in a TV show. Fan-service and flirting is part of the package.”

“Does it bother you that you’ll get typecast or have to face flak for this later?” Yibo can’t help but ask. “Isn’t it really risky?”

“Yibo.” There’s something in Yu’s voice that makes Yibo look at him. He looks very serious like he’s squaring up to say something important. “I thought you knew..?” He trails off, eyebrows raised.

“Yes, I know.” Yu had come out to his parents when he moved to Taiwan, and Yibo had heard about it from his mom. “It’s just… aren’t you afraid to be out-out?

“Um.” Yibo wonders if he’s crossed a line. Before he can smooth things over with an apology, Yu shrugs. “I’m not really out-out, am I?. But yes, Lin Zi Hong and I are… It’s new. We’re taking it one day at a time.”

“Sorry.” Yibo feels guilty. “This is not my place at all, ge.”

Yu’s smile is kind as he nods in acceptance of the apology. Yibo soon stops the car near the airport’s Departures gate, and Yu turns to get out of the car, but the younger man needs one last answer.

“Ge.” He gulps. “Is it worth it? Do you regret it?”

Yu looks surprisingly calm, given how awkward it must be to explain your dating choices to your little cousin, twice-removed. Though they've never been particularly close, what with living in different countries for most of their lives, Yu and Yibo have always had a comfortable relationship. He reaches over to pat Yibo’s head. “I can’t help you figure this out, Bo-di. But for Zi Hong and me, we couldn’t let this… just pass us by without at least trying. It could still get really messed up for both of us, I get that. But I didn’t want to regret anything, and neither did he.” Yu smiles, as if at a memory. “It was a blessing to be on the same page as him, to be honest.”

Yibo nods and hopes his smile seems genuine. He is glad for Yu and so proud of him but telling someone that he cares about them, isn’t one of his strong points. So, he shakes his cousin’s hand and waves as the sweet man walks through the terminal gates.

As Yibo drives away, Yu’s words keep swirling around his mind. It would  be great to be reading the same fucking book as Xiao Zhan, let alone the same page. He could feel himself getting angry all over again. If he were to go back home, there was no way he would be able to sleep. He had a mid-morning photoshoot the next day, and it wouldn’t do to turn up looking haggard. Or at least that’s what he told himself as he began to drive back to Xiao Zhan’s apartment. He needed answers, for, like, professional reasons.

Xiao Zhan felt like he could finally breathe as the last of his guests left. It was barely 11 but most of them had work commitments lined up for the next day, himself included. Also, after Yibo stormed out, and Yu gave hurried apologies, mumbling something about having to rush for his flight back to Taiwan, the party’s vibe took a pretty big dip for the worse. Everyone, even Yu Bin and Ji Li, could tell them something had happened between Yibo and him in the kitchen, and it seemed to invoke the hitherto repressed elephant in the room, that was Yibo and his public disentanglement post the 227 Incident. They all knew about it and a few of them, Xuan Lu in particular, had even tried fixing things between them, way back in April. But Xiao Zhan had held her off, riding the line between righteous indignation and actual asshole-ry, at her efforts.

No one exactly knew why his staff and he had made the choice to distance themselves from Yibo, probably not even Yibo himself. It must have seemed like a weird move to most, given that he had already faced criticism for his fans’ implications that his relationship with Yibo, on or off-screen, was something to be concerned about. A lot of people thought it would be better to keep hanging out with Yibo, and to show everyone that there was nothing wrong. What no one knew, Xiao Zhan thinks as he’s clearing out the bottles of wine and beer littered around the living room, was that the damage was already done. Brands had dropped him, and he had been informally told that any association with him until things were cleared would be kryptonite to his colleagues too. Specifically, one Wang Yibo, who had apparently laughed in the face of a sponsor who had tried to get him to agree to a ‘no-Xiao Zhan’ clause for his social media posts.

Xiao Zhan sighs as he remembers how tempting it had been to reply to Yibo, to tell him that everything was okay. He had obviously gone overboard with the radio-silence. He should have just explained everything to Yibo back in March. He slaps the back of his head in frustration. He shouldn’t have just popped back in on Yibo’s birthday as if nothing had happened. It was so stupid, so avoidant and frankly, cowardly. But, God, he had been so afraid that Yibo would- okay, so he was afraid of a few things. Would Yibo make some counter-productive public statements? Or would he agree and just drop Xiao Zhan from his life? Or would he think Xiao Zhan was a closeted mess… Wait, the way Yibo had asked him in the kitchen - ‘Move on from what?’, did he even know that Xiao Zhan was bi? Was it all in his head and was Wang Yibo, cool guy, actually straight?

Xiao Zhan’s spiral into bisexual disaster-level panic is interrupted by the doorbell. Who could be here, he thinks as he looks up at the wall clock, at 11:30? Also, who had the passcode to even get on the elevator?, he wonders as he switches on the security system to look at the visitor. His breath catches as he recognizes the lanky man in a pink hoodie (that, okay, looks grey on camera) and that damn baseball cap. Why was Yibo back? Had he forgotten something? Xiao Zhan’s hurriedly looks around the hallway as there is Yibo rings the bell again.

Yibo looks up at Xiao Zhan, as the man opens the door, his confusion palpable. “Yibo…”, he starts as Yibo walks past him and heads into the apartment, fists clenched. He tells himself to breathe, so that his voice doesn’t shake as he asks, with no preamble, “Zhan-ge, what do you think is- was between us? What do you think I've moved on from?"

He can feel the stress rolling off Xiao Zhan but he can’t make himself turn around. It would be too much to look at Xiao Zhan’s face, if that beautiful man was just going to crush him again. Yibo couldn’t even think about the alternative.

“I-”, Xiao Zhan started, his heart beating out of his chest. “I thought…” Oh God, should he say it?  "I thought we were into each other.” There, the words were out there, and he can  never take them back.

As the seconds pass, and Yibo doesn't turn around or acknowledge him in any way, he fervently wishes that he could take it back. Nothing, nothing was worth this awful silence between them. He is about to apologize when Yibo turns around swiftly and makes his way back towards the door. Xiao Zhan vaguely realizes that he's in the way but he can’t make himself move as Yibo's rejection makes his way through him, a painful tingle started from the base of his neck.

But Wang Yibo doesn’t walk past him or move him out of the way. Wang Yibo takes him by the shoulders, pushes him against the door, and kisses him.