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Jungkook always hated these parties with his mother. The stifling heat, the droning of conversations that would lead nowhere, vapid words shared with brittle smiles. He'd never tell her that though, didn't want to risk hurting her feelings. So he forced himself to sit and smile in these situations, standing idle beside his mother while she spoke to her work colleagues. He remained silent, a glorified decoration she can walk around with and show off. Every time someone tries to ask Jungkook about his studies, his mother was quick to interject. "He's going to medical school to become a plastic surgeon, just like his mother. Aren't you, Jungkookie?" She looks at him, eyes begging him to go along with the lie, begging him not to embarrass her by telling the truth and saying he's a culinary major, that he wants to support his family from home. They'd all laugh at him, laugh at her. She'd rather feed them a pretty lie than expose a crumbling truth.
So Jungkook smiles weakly and nods in agreement without a word to be spoken. It's his display smile. He has one just like his mother. The smile he gives to appease others, never truly genuine. It doesn't matter t them; if it's real or fake. Becuase they're wearing their display smiles as well.
He listens to Eunmi talk all about how he's excelling in his classes, going to graduate valedictorian at this rate. Lies upon lies of a life Jungkook doesn't live. He knows it's because she's ashamed, she's embarrassed by his choices in life and because of it, Jungkook finds himself slightly ashamed as well. He wished he aspired to be something worthwhile and meaningful, something that would make his mother proud, something she wouldn't have to lie to everyone about.
When Jungkook wasn't being put on show by his mother, he was off to the side, drinking more glasses of champagne than should have really been allowed to him. He got messy when he was drunk, sloppy even. Glass after glass after glass and Jungkook was beginning to stumble. He's only been legally allowed to drink for a couple of months so he's still a lightweight. Just three glasses of bubbly and he's already stumbling, slurring his words slightly when he speaks to people.
Jungkook's sipping on his fourth glass when his mother approaches him, accompanies by a small group of men and women from work. They all know his name but he can't say that he knows them. They greet him politely. "Your mother has told us so much about you! It's amazing that you want to follow in her footsteps." Things along those lines. More lies, more shame, more desperation from his mother to keep the image going.
He hated it.
"I'm not going to med school." His slurred voice came out as a murmur as he takes another mouthful of alcohol. One of the women smile at him, head tilting slightly with confusion. "I'm sorry?"
"I'm not in fucking med school." Jungkook spat with venom laced in every syllable. "I don't understand why my mom keeps lying to you all."
"Jungkook!" Eunmi gasped and his profanity, her eyes wide with shock and horror that he would out her in such a way. She was quick to grab him by the arm, apologizing for the indisgression. "He's had too much to drink. He just has to lay down and sleep it off." With that. She was dragging him back inside the house, panicking silently. Jungkook stumbled along behind her, just hardly managing to make it upstairs and out of view of the other guest before him mother greeted him with a thorough tongue-lashing.
"How dare you." She hissed at him, cheeks hot with flush embarrassment. "How dare you make me look like that in front of everyone. Do you have no shame? Have I not raised you better?" Jungkook listens on, his back pressed against the wall with his arms secured tightly across his chest. He embraces himself because she won't. Not even in the metaphorical sense. He chose to cut her off with a question of his own.
"Why do you keep lying about me?" His voice is insistent, firm for the first time in years against his mother. That was his first mistake. She was taken aback for a moment, looking at her son with utter bewilderment. She stepped closer to him, the sharp click of her heels making him flinch and lower his gaze.
Eunmi is seething at him. "I am trying to protect us! Do you know how they would react if I told them the truth? That my son wanted to do nothing with his life. They'll think you're pathetic and they'll think I'm a horrible mother. Do you think I'm a horrible mother?" She jabbed a finger at his chest and watched the tears form in his doe-ish eyes. "Do you think I'm a horrible mother, Jungkook?"
"No, Eomma." He sobbed softly, overwhelmed and scared. "I'm sorry, Eomma. I'm sorry." He placed his hands over his head and slid down against the wall, muttering apologies. Half of the tears are just in his drunken stupor, the other half is just a little boy scared and trying to appease his mother. Jungkook curls into himself onto the floor while his mother looks down at him. She's still standing over him, looking down at his frame trying to make itself smaller.
She sighed, pinching her angled nose bridge. "Get yourself together Jungkook, you cry over the smallest things, honestly." She sounded tired of him, tired of how sensitive he could be. "When you compose yourself, I want you to go out there and apologize for lying to them. You will say that you were drunk and you didn't know what you were talking about. You are not going to make me out to be a liar in front of everyone, Jungkook. You're not." Eunmi was becoming teary-eyed as well, not as horribly violent as Jungkook's tears but still there. She inhales sharply and exhaled with a long, shaky breath. Dappling away her tears, Eunmi recomposed herself and turned to go back downstairs to put on her prettiest smile save face before her friends.
Jungkook was left alone, trying to piece himself back together. Red in the face and sniffling, he forces himself up onto his feet, rubbing his cheeks raw. He can never understand why he always feels so horrible about himself when he's around his mother, why he's always in pain. Sometimes he wished he didn't go to visit her. Sometimes he wished he didn't love his mother as much as he did so it would be so much easier for him to let her go. And then the guilt came with thinking such a thought. He felt horrible about it, horrible that he never found himself liking his time around his mother. A son-a good son-shouldn't resent his mother deep down.
Jungkook didn't bother to go outside again. He went downstairs, gathered the few things he hand laying around, and left, slamming the front door behind himself on his way out to mark his departure. Did she not realize that he was embarrassed as well? Embarrassed that he wasn't a good enough son that she could tell the truth and take pride in him. But if he was truly honest with himself, he couldn't blame her. He was in a glorified cooking class and that was the only subject he was doing well in. He had no real aspirations in life. What was she meant to tell her colleagues? "My son wants to do nothing with his life. I had to force him to go to college and bribe his way in because there was absolutely no way he was getting accepted any other way."
Jungkook, glossy-eyed and worn down, drove home in silence with terrible dedication to get home. Sniffles as his nose desperately tries to clear itself and take in air. He felt pathetic, felt his crying was undeserved. He was the one who had the outburst, the one who embarrassed his mother in front of other people. He shouldn't be the one in tears.
Standing in the elevator, he watched the numbers change with each floor. L, 1, 2, 3. With a pleasant little chime that makes Jungkook feel all the worse, the doors slide open and he drags himself down the hall towards his apartment.
The one good thing about his day, the only one, was that the coffee cup he had left in front of Iris's door was done. His efforts have gone appreciated, just this once. A small achievement of the day. He learned long ago that he has to cling to these small, inconsequential victories whenever they come to him. If he didn't...he would have lost it by now, crumbling under the pressure.
Small victories like these are the only things keeping him afloat in times like these, times when he felt like he was drowning in his own tears. He must cling to them like a lifeboat or he'll sink beneath the waves.
*.✧ Kᴀʏs Eɴᴅɪɴɢ Nᴏᴛᴇs
Because I was bored and I need people to make me feel better abt my writing.
Also- I've been very Jungkook biased lately so if you see an uptick in Jungkook content...just lemme go through my phase homie
Anyways, thank you all for reading. I hope you guys enjoyed and I wish you all an amazing day/night
