Two Red Strings

wow connor exists

TW: self harm happens in this chapter so if you are sensitive to that, skip past this.'~~~'

~🌲~

Connor was 5 and a half years old when his soulmate strings first appeared. Connor was 5, he had intelligence of less than potato, he didn't know anything about soulmates, or red strings, so when they appeared, he told his parents.

"Mommy daddy!"

"What is it son?"

"There are two wed strings tied to my hand!"

Cynthia and Larry exchanged a look.

"Are you sure there's two red strings?"

"Yea! One string tied to this finger, and the other string tied to this one!" Connor pointed at his index and middle finger.

Cynthia looked at Larry, giving him a look that said, 'help me out here!'. Larry got the gesture and tried to help. He got down on one knee and placed a hand on Connors shoulder.

"Well son, in this world there's a little thing called soulmates, your other half. That red string connects you and your soulmate so that way you can find each other."

"Woahh cool!!"

"But thing is, most people have one string, and you say that you have two strings..."

"Yup! Two bwight wed strings!"

"Well um, your mom and I aren't quite sure what having two strings mean.7

"??? isn't it obvious what they mean though?? Two strings, two soulmates"

"You could be right, but we don't know for sure..."

"Huh, ok. Cool."

Connor had had enough of that conversation and he went back upstairs to watch My Little Pony with Zoe. unaware of how much he just fucked up his relationship with his parents.

~🌲~

Connor didn't know why he got so upset about getting skipped as line leader. Well, he did, but he didnt know why he got as angry as he did. All he knows is that, he wished he didn't get so mad, because now everyone in the 2nd grade, and probably the whole school, thinks he threw a printer at the teacher. Everyone except one kid.

Evan Hansen. He didn't know much about the kid except the fact that he was always the quietest when the teacher called attendance. He didn't know anything else about him, until this day.

Connor was sitting alone on a bench during recess when Evan approached him.

"H-hey, uhh, Connor right?" Evan took a seat next to Connor.

"Yea. what do you want?"

"Oh uh well, I just wanted to let you know, that uh, i know you didnt throw that printer, and uh, I think its really cool how you stood up for yourself, i dont know im sorry."

Well that was unexpected.

"You do? Youre not just saying that out of pity?"

"Yes i do! I would never say something like that out of pity."

"Huh. thanks i guess."

"EVANNN" an unfamiliar voice called

Evan froze, "sorry, I have to go, i think Jared needs me or something. Bye."

"Bye" Connor waved Evan off. (wtf, that was kinda like the swanky first date that Veronica had, where Evan is Veronica, Connor is JD, and Jared is Heather Chandler....WTFF)

~🌲~

Connor was now 14. That memory of Evan still hadn't left him, and probably never would. Their conversation was short, probably less than 1 minute long, but it had been so impactful on Connor. Evan was the only one who saw him inside of him. (Heathers reference go BRRRRR)

Whenever Connor was angry or sad(which is most of the time) he would think of that memory with Evan and suddenly feel more calm. Was Connor crushing on Evan? Probably. Was Connor too caught up in his anger, and broken family relationships to notice this crush? Probably.

Connor was currently in his room. Hiding from Larry who had just previously yelled at him for skipping class. (he didn't even skip class, he just left campus during lunch, probably to smoke, then came back for the rest of the school day) He tried thinking of that memory with Evan to make the pain go away, but it didn't work, because now he felt warm, while there was still a cold storm raging inside him. It was all so confusing and just too much.

~~~

Everything was just too much.

Connor reached into his bedside drawer and pulled out his box cutter. He started slicing the blade against his skin rapidly, but it wasn't enough. It's never enough. He put more pressure onto the knife and made a clean, defining cut across his left arm. He saw the cut be white for a split second before blood started to ooze out of it. A lot of blood.

"Shit."

The blood started to drip down Connors arm and he quickly reached back into his drawer and pulled out a pack of cheap af bandaids. They weren't the best, but they got the job done. Kind of. He took a bandaid out of its packaging and slapped it over the cut. The blood stopped coming out, (omg blood, we totally support you!) but it was still dripping down his arm.

"Shit, shit shit."

Connor looked around his room for tissues, or paper towels or something. But there wasn't anything of the sort. Then he noticed the sketchbook on his bed. He grabbed his sketchbook, opened it up to a blank page, and ripped the page out. He folded up the page and used it to soak the blood off his arm.

He sighed of relief and sat down on his bed. It wasn't until he looked down at his scar littered arms, and blood stained sketchbook page that it hit him. He had cut himself, he was bleeding, he was only 14 years old. How did he fuck up his life this badly? Or was his life always this bad and he's only just now realizing it. Too make it worse, both his soulmate strings appeared, as if to remind him that there are people in the world who will care for him. It didn't work. It just reminded Connor that there are more people in the world for him to let down.

~~~

Before he knew it, hot steamy tears were streaming down his face. Leaving wet spots on his black hoodie. Gosh, He was a fucking mess. He thought back to Evan. The only person who had been nice to him. Other than Zoe.

Maybe, he should try talking to Evan. Or would that be weird? I mean, he was kind of an outcast at school, would he scare Evan away? Probably. But, he really does want to be Evans' friend, to be able to have someone to talk to.

Maybe he won't scare Evan away. I mean, from the last time Evan talked to him, he seemed to think Connor was cool so...there's a chance Evan wants to be his friend as well. Maybe Evans opinions have changed over time- NO NOPE NOT GONNA LET NEGATIVE THOUGHTS INTERFERE WITH GAY

Connor had plan. And since he was 14 and no longer had intelligence of less than potato, it was a decently good plan.

Talk to Evan. Become friends with Evan. Become happy.

Word count: 1,140