BoJack Horseman x reader

ip rosmise im nota furry

"Alright class, settle down," the horse professor says over the sea of voices that are his first-year students. He's so nervous, basically sweating buckets in front of them. He knew that this would give him a sense of direction. The job kind of landed on his lap and he wasn't doing anything else so why not? Although he didn't think they'd have him teach philosophy, he thought it would go more towards the acting route since he's an actor. A famous actor at that. He doesn't mind though, he's interested in this kind of stuff. He didn't know what to call it when he was having these thoughts, he felt he was finally losing it. He could see the headlines now: 'Famous 90's TV star and actor loved by all, BoJack Horseman, dead from losing it'. It would be so tragic and everyone would forgive him because they caused him to go insane.

"So, I'm professor Horseman. You may, or more like your parents," he tries to joke to his audience but none of them catch on to his comedic act. He's sure they'll get it soon enough. He looks around the room at the young faces and touches the tips of his fingers together, trying to come back from that stinking awkward silence. "Know me as your beloved 90's sitcom star. Now, I know most- actually all of you weren't even alive during that time so you might now know me from other shit like 'Secretariat' or something." He looks around the room again and there is still that deadly silence. "Yeah, well. You might be thinking about why this famous actor took up a teaching job. Isn't he rich? Isn't he super famous? Is he single? And the answer to all of those is yes." He was getting nervous, he never got nervous. Even on set of Horsin' Around he was never- ohhh, right he was high all the time. He shifts his weight to the tip of his toes and scratches his mane, adjusting his bowtie and wishing he had a bottle of alcohol in his hand instead. He knew he wasn't prepared for this when he heard the job offer over the phone one morning. He wasn't even fully conscious but he thought he knew something about philosophy so he took the teaching job. He didn't even like kids or teaching but he thought it would be a 'learning opportunity', as multiple people in his life have talked about. Now he was actually doing it and he realized he didn't even know anything, he should have at least read a Wikipedia article on his way over here. He feels the floor shift underneath him and thinks his bowtie is way too tight on him, he can't breathe. He's sweating so much and the lights are blinding him, why did he think this would change the way he is? Nothing could ever change him, he's a sick piece of shit. He would probably sleep with one of his students if given the chance. What a real fucking sicko, he's an authority figure to them, and of course, he'd abuse that. Why would having responsibility for these kids change him for the better? Why did he think that would work?

The students start leaving and BoJack turns to look at his watch, a whole hour and 20 minutes have passed. How the fuck did they pass? What did he do in that time? Is he fired now? He had to drink, immediately. He cannot be sober for this shit anymore. He took out the flask from the inside of his jacket, the one he called 'Ol' Reliable' because somehow it was always full and in all of his jacket pockets. He opens the flask and takes a long chug from it when there is a knock at his office door. 'Shit' he thinks, throwing the flask in a desk drawer and trying to seem composed at his desk. "Come in," he says. It's a young girl, probably some fan seeking some sort of validation from her celebrity crush. "Look, kid. We gotta make this quick, I have another class to teach soon." Yeah, teach idiot. What you did back there was do anything but teach, it was a fucking disaster. It makes no sense why the dean hasn't come in already and kicked you out. The girl is taking out a book and places it on the desk. He leans back and eyes the drawer he threw the flask in, he wants more. "I'm here to introduce myself," the girl in front of him says. He thinks how tacky it is for her to wear a hoodie with the school's letters on her first day of freshman year. Well to be honest he didn't even know if she was a freshman or not, she sure reeks of it though. I mean, he didn't go to college but he imagined this is how young freshman girls act with their professors right? She was definitely trying to hint at something and he could feel himself giving in to her desires. He kind of wanted it too, in a way. He just wanted to feel something again and maybe by sleeping with one of his students he can find that.