The struggle to survive,
Leads to purges of the heart,
And yet I am in a dive,
So where do I start.
Life is to complicated,
To ignore or trust,
I wish I was just hated,
Return me to dust!
Trouble follows where I go,
My number ingrained,
I shall reap what I sow,
Emotionally I am drained.
Decisions pivotal,
The outcome so unsure,
My life on a pedestal,
Why must I still endure?
Hate surges to burn my throat,
As I destroy all,
My heart needs a moat,
For I seem to enthrall.
Do I command my emotions?
Or am I governed?
Can I make decisions?
I feel I am just damned!
Rip my heart from me,
Feed it to a dog,
Tie my mind to a tree,
I shall drown in grog.
Answers I seek to find,
Nowhere to run or hide,
Why must I be so blind?
My time I cannot bide.
To follow the future,
To where no man knows,
It seems to be so unsure,
But it all leads to sorrows!
Take the feelings away,
Emotionless I need to be,
So as to avoid a fray,
I do not want to see.
Tear down what I have built,
Rip to shreds my past,
To then live with my guilt,
My life moves to fast!
Why did God create woman?
Just to torture?
I guess I must not give a damn,
My thoughts are premature.
What did I do to seduce,
Too entrap another love?
How can I have been obtuse?
She is but a sweet dove.
Silently I scream,
A return to a time of no analysis,
To escape a dream,
My mind is in paralysis.
Two paths to choose,
Which ever I take,
I will lose,
There is too much at stake.
Bleed me dry,
There is no light,
No matter how I try,
My life is at night.
To keep the old,
That holds something new,
Or to be bold,
And start all anew?
My heart I have in my hand,
My mind in the other,
I am a scale as I stand,
Too weigh them off together.
Decisions I can not make,
Nay wish not to,
I shall have to take,
No man should have two.
More than one would solve,
My heart torn the same,
My troubles would dissolve,
And only I am to blame.
Both deserve happiness,
But to both can I provide?
This is my favourite stress,
From which I cannot hide.
My time I cannot linger,
The war has no end.
To avoid the danger,
Pain and joy seems to blend.
No remorse I wish to include,
As I destroy our lives.
I fear the prelude,
To all that divides.
Answers are still so elusive,
There, yet not anywhere.
My brain is so unresponsive,
To what I should do or dare.
To wait would be to prolong,
The agony and ecstasy,
I will just have to be strong,
And enjoy the fantasy.
To love individually, this I can,
But can both accept each other?
I really need a plan,
So as to avoid all this bother.
The decision is mine!
The anger at my indecision,
Shows that I am not fine,
Am I to be governed by derision?
My mind is tormented,
Driven by want and need,
I am always to be haunted.
My anxieties need to feed.
Sadness wallows within,
Eating at my empty core,
I do not know where to begin,
Everything I seem to deplore.
Tears I wish to shed,
For this blight,
That seems to never end,
For a resolution that is right.
How can I be forgiven?
Have I ever truly felt,
For searching for a little bit of heaven,
On bended knees I have knelt.
For all to see I am fated,
To a life of lament,
My love shall be sated,
Who shall suffer the torment?
YOU ARE READING
Silence
PoetryCollection of poems on various topics. Death, murder, stalking, obsession, war, peace, love, woman, life, depression, etc.