Loads of Love, Lou |L.S|

To haz

HARRY POV 

It had been a week since the funeral and our 'normal' lives continued

There was one more letter left In the box. On the envelope was written, "to Haz". I slowly opened the envelope as a tear rolled over my face. In the envelope were a letter and a little bracelet. I took out the piece of paper and started reading.

Dear love of my life, my husband, my everything, Hazza

If you read this, I am no longer with you. 

Don't be too sad please you need to keep on living your life, I am finally free. If and I probably did die because of cancer just think about that I'm no longer in pain that I can finally rest

I love you so much haz I always have and always will. I'll always be with you. 

Right now when I am writing this you're asleep on the couch of the hospital, I asked if you wanted to come to lay down with me in the bed, but you said no because it was too small for the both of us. 

Your curly hair is all messy because you move a lot around in your sleep. You don't know how much this is killing, how badly I want to tell you I want to give up and just die. So that everything is over so that the pain and the fighting stops

I'm so tired I want to give up Haz, but I can't, and I won't, I don't want to leave you I want to stay with you and want to kiss you and hug you.

Just go back to the times when everything was good and easy before management before this stupid sickness and start again. I want to go back to the time when I talked to you once at the battle of the bands and I want to ask your number, go on a date with you on the night of the audition, so we would both miss it and start a normal life with you. This sickness is killing me and giving me too much time to think, you're the only one that's keeping me from giving up. You and our 3 little monsters how grew up so fast. You 4 are the most wonderful things that happened to me, and I'm so grateful for it every day. I am fighting Haz I really am, I am not giving up. There are so many things I still want to do....

I closed my eyes as tears rolled over my cheeks

"Pappa, dad I'm home," Rose said, I quickly whipped his tears away. Just like every Monday as Rose came home from school she went to Louis' studio where he normally would be working. Rose opened the door on the desk next to the door where a lot of paper. Most of them were lyrics or a melody Louis made. Rose grabbed the chair that was standing next to the desk, it was Rose her chair. Louis put it in the room for her because she always spent her afternoons here with Louis. I folded the letter and put it back in the envelope and then in my back pocket. Slowly I walked to Louis' studio where rose was sitting in her chair. She pulled out a file from her backpack. She pulled out a piece of paper. Harry was leaning against the wooden frame of the door "look dad I got an 8/10 on the task you helped me with 2 weeks ago" Rose said to the empty chair. A smile appeared on my face while tears rolled over his cheeks when Rose put her files on the desk to make her homework, I woke up from the daydream I was having about a memory that I found rose and Louis here once when Louis was teaching her how to play the piano. I walked away to give Rose some space, I went to sit on the couch and continued reading the letter

.... Like seeing Noah and rose graduate college, walking Rose down the aisle holding my grandchild, growing old with you falling asleep at noon on the couch when we are 70 and so much more, I'm so sorry I left you...

"You didn't leave me Lou" I whispered

... Whatever age I left you 

but at this moment it feels like I'm not making it next week I know you also have that feeling even though you say everything going to be fine we both know it's not. We both know it's only getting worse. I put a bracelet in the envelope I thought you would like, I have the feeling you will. I'm sorry I'm not with you anymore Haz. 

You are the best husband and father a person can ask. Promising to you to spend the rest of our lives together was easier than breathing. They say "until death does us part" but you better know I'll be haunting you Haz I can't leave you not even if I'm dead. 

Take good care of everyone for me and don't focus too much on my death. Focus on the good things In life because before you know it, it's over. 

I love you Hazza changing my last name to styles was the day that my life could really start my life with you, Love you Haz forever and always. You will always be my husband always the love of my life always my everything

Loads of love, Lou

Ps I'm not smoll I'm big

I started crying and rose and Noah came into the room "pappa what's wrong"

 "I miss dad guys I miss him so much" 

"We do to dad we do too, but he's always with us, you know, and we still have memories of him," Noah said while he and Rose started hugging me. Freddie also came home. He didn't say anything and just went to the couch and hugged the 3 of us. Everyone felt sad for losing Louis, but we were all happy in a sort of way because we got him in our lives, and they will never forget the things they did with him.

Rose would never forget the time Louis picked her up from school on the worst day of her life, she had just turned 14 her boyfriend at the time broke up with her, and she lost all her friend, it was raining and Louis went to the school to pick her up with his car, in the car Rose explained everything and the rest of the afternoon she went to the mall with Louis.

Noah would never forget his first soccer practice. He was 6 and Some kids were making fun of him because he had two dads and Noah wasn't perfect at soccer, after the practice Louis and Noah stayed a bit longer on the field and Louis played with Noah and helped him, when they were done it was late and dark so Louis bought two hot chocolates and after that, they both went home.

Freddie would never forget the time Louis picked him up at the airport when he was 10, they had a road trip and went to Disneyland together it was a surprise for Freddie's birthday, but it was the best present he ever got.

And I, I had so many good memories with Louis our first place together, our first well everything, our three kids, when Louis proposed, our wedding day, ... but his favorite had to be the days they both just did nothing and watched movies all day.

"You will always be my husband always the love of my life always my everything too I love you loads, Lou" I whispered while I pressed the letter to My heart