Komahina (discontinued)

Chapter 52

It's offical. Im cursed. The gf who I loves and protected me and all my friends and family, yeah she just dumped me. We just had our one months 2 days ago.. I was so happy... she was so happy? She wasn't. I'm devastated. I give up on love. I'll just write about it... because it's just a dream and a fantasy for me. I'm done having hope for love.. and I'm done being abused. I'm done having my heart crushed.. I'm done with dreaming of that perfect love. It doesn't exist for me.
Hajime's POV:

I was nervous. My body was probbaly shaking. I feel sick. Come on Hajime. You can do this! It's what you want! You can do this!
I went up behind Nagito. He was sitting at his desk doing doctor work again. Come on. Just say it! Why won't my voice come out. I took a step back.
"N-Nagito? Can I talk to you?" I asked.
"Yes dear?" He turned around.
He had his hair pulled back and his glasses still on from doing his research.
"I... How do I say this... We've been married for 3 years now... We've talked about this before and I just... I think it's time!" I said as I handed Nagito the paper.
He looked down examining it.
"No." He said.
I was shocked. He was joking? He has more to say? That's not his answer? Did I give him the wrong paper?
"I'm sorry Hajime. Now isn't the time." He said sternly as he sighed taking his glasses off to rub in between his eyes.
"W-why not?" I asked saddened.
"Hajime.. kids right now is not a good idea... I still have so much schooling to go through. I have 5 more years and I know I'm making money right now but I'm so busy with everything. You know that..." he looked at me almost as if he was disappointed.
"You'll always be busy.. that's the line of work you went into! Please consider it! I'll quit my job to watch the child! Please I'm already 22! If we have a kid now they won't be all grown up til I'm 40! You said you wanted a family with me!" I begged.
"Hajime we live in apartment. Quitting your job is not a smart move. You love that job and the extra income is good for our savings." Nagito said.
"W-we should move then! That's what the savings is for! Right? Please Nagito! I don't want to wait any longer! We can do this! I know having a kid will be stressful, but it doesn't matter when because it will always be stressful to have a kid!" I was pleading with Nagito.
"Hajime please. I'm trying to focus on my work. This is very important to me. Moving? Really? Right now. I'm trying to work." He sighed.
"Please! I'll move everything! I'll even look for a house by myself! Isn't having a family important to you!" I was desperate.
"Of course it is! Don't turn me into the bad guy! Hajime please you're being irrational! Now leave me alone so I can actually do work!" His tone began to get angry.
"I... You're... You're lucky I'm a guy! I can't get pregnant through sex! I need your permission to adopt! But I'd have a kid even without you! You know I've wanted this for so long! You're work isnt everything!" I argued upset.
"Oh my god... You're being immature again." He glared at me.
"How dare you. This is exactly how you acted before we got married! You promised you wouldn't do this again! What happened to the man I married 3 years ago! The one who made love to me and promised me we'd have a family! You don't even pay attention to me anymore!" I yelled as I slammed his office door leaving.
Tears fell to the ground as I began to sob. I ran to our bedroom slamming the door behind me. I want kids so bad. I'd give anything to just get pregnant. I can't. Adoption is the only way! And I can't even have that now? Nagito promised.
Now he's all about his work. What happened to him? When did that start? A year ago? Two years ago when I graduated? I'm a teacher.. I love working with the young kids. I want one of my own...
So so badly... why won't he say yes? Why did he say no? I walked to the bed crying. I hide under the sheets trying to stop.
I couldn't. It hurt so much. I just want a happy family with Nagito. He keeps telling me to wait. We are getting older... we can't keep waiting to have kids..
I heard a soft knock at the door.
"Hajime dear.. can I come in..." I heard his voice.
"G-go away!" I cried.
"Hajime please let me in..." I heard his voice crack, is he crying to.
"N-no! I-I don't want to talk to you!" I sobbed into the pillow.
"Then don't talk.. let me in so I can talk to you..." he said.
"Please darling... Hope wants to come in as well..." he said.
"F-fine..." I felt guilt tripped by the dog.
He opened the door and I heard hopes paws against the floor and she snuggled into her dog bed. Nagito got into the bed and pulled me up into his lap.
I was still crying. I couldn't stop. Every now and then I hicked for air through my crying.
"I'm sorry..." he apologized.
I didn't want to hear it. It doesn't change anything.
"I just.. I'm so stressed right now. I have so much work to do in so little time. I do want a family with you Hajime. I promise we can. Just give me a month to finish my thesis." He held me tightly.
"I'm sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have lashed out at you. I took my stress out on you and I'm sorry... We can adopt. I want to as well..." he kissed me.
"R-really?..." I sniffled out.
"Really... I love you dearly hajime. I don't want you to regret marrying me." He said.
"I-I don't... I don't regret marrying you Nagito... We are getting older... and I just really want to start a life with you..." I said through my soft crying.
"I do as well. Give me a month. Then we can move and figure everything out. I promise." He said as his hug got tighter.
"O-okay.. I'll wait.." I sniffled.
I was happy. Only one month I have to wait. I've waited this long already.
"I'm sorry darling... I'm so sorry for making you cry.." he laid hack pulling me down with him. I had finally stopped crying sniffling every now and rhenZ I curled up onto his chest.
"It's okay... I know you've been working hard. I was upset that you weren't giving me attention anymore..." I said.
"I know. I know... I'll give you as much attention as I possibly can. How about tomorrow we go out for a date?"
"I'd really like that..." I sniffled.
"I'm going to do a little more work then I'll be in to go to bed. I love you darling..." he kissed me before shuffling out from under me.
I snuggled into the bed, tired but feeling much better. I'm lucky to have him. I wish he would be here now thought to sleep. I snuggled in and drifted off.
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"Nagito?" I answered the phone.
"Hey baby... So listen my co worker couldn't make it today and the ER is flooded- I'll be home late! We'll go out another day okay?" Nagito said over the phone.
Everything stopped. Again? Again.. not again..
"Come on honey... I'll be home later okay? Keep the bed warm~" he hinted.
"Hope will keep it warm for you." I said before hanging up.
I fell to the floor. I remember.. when we young... in highschool.. beginning of college. We were so happy. Nagito and I took every chance we got to be together. Now every chance he gets.. he's in his office.
This is what I signed up for... I knew he was going into this line of work. He won't be around much, will a raise our kid alone?
Will it be like my father with my mom? Only seeing each other dinner.. only to go to bed in separate rooms? I don't want that. And I don't want sex to make up for our time we can't spend together.
I just wanted a family.. a happy family like I never got to have..
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"Hajime? I'm home..." Nagito came into the bedroom.
Hope was in my lap as I petted her on the bed. I had been crying for who knows how long. Hadn't eaten yet. Mind dizzy and fatigued.
It's been years.. of a "happy" marriage. Why am I not happy? I'm married to my love. But it doesn't matter if he's not making me feel loved. It's not that I expected our marriage to be perfect.. but this is the last thing I expected to have a problem with Nagito about.
"H-hey darling.." he came up to me.
"Mmh?" I made a noise telling him I heard him.
"I'm sorry.. I promise we can go out soon! Alright? I love you." He said as he kissed my forehead.
I sighed. "I love you too.."
The last thing I want is for Nagito to think I don't love him. I do. And I will always say it back.
"Okay! Great! I thought you were mad! I got some work to do before bed! Night honey!" Nagito suddenly started to leave.
"W-wait! T-that's it?!" I was surprised, I am mad.
"What? Everything seems fine?" I tilted his head.
I wanted to cry again.
"W-why did you marry me Nagito?..." I began to cry.
"H-huh?! B-because I love you!" He said embracing me.
"If you love me why do you keep hurting me?.." I cried.
"H-hurting you?! What are you saying? I haven't laid a hand on you?!" Nagito's tone changed.
He takes everything so personal anymore. I didn't mean hurt that way.
"N-no! I meant mentally! Emotionally! You act as if you really don't care! Cant you see I'm hurting?! You're not changing! You promised me you would change and you'd talk to me! And instead you've buried yourself in your work! You know damn well if we had a kid your parents would help out if needed! Money isn't an issue! It's you! You're being... selfish!" I cried through my yelling.
Nagito stayed silent. He let go of my quickly.
"Am I really being the selfish one here?" He said before slamming the bedroom door close.
It scared me. Nagito.. what's wrong? Why have you been shutting me out? Is there someone else? Are you seeing someone behind my back? Did you get into legal trouble at work? Are you mentally ill? Are you..
Oh my god.
I quickly rushed out of the room and found Nagito tackling him to the ground.
"Ahh! Ow! Fuck!" He yelled.
"Y-your sick again! Arent you?!" I cried.
His eyes widened. "W-who told you?!"
My heart shattered. I leaned my head down onto Nagito's chest. Crying into it. Not again..
"W-why didn't you tell me... how long have you known?!" I cried.
"I.. I've known for about a year now..."
I looked up at him shocked. A year?! A full year?! So we were just going to be seniors in college when he found out again?!
I slapped him across the face.
"YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME NAGITO! WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU ASSHOLE! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" I cried into his chest.
He began to cry but just held me tight. After a bit I calmed down.
"It's lymphoma... it came back..." he said as we both got up off the ground.
"I've been gone at the hospital and then doing shifts at night. That's why I've been gone longer then usual especially balancing my studies." He picked me up and brought me to our bedroom.
"Nagito... I've always been here for you... why didn't you tell me?.."
"I couldn't get myself too... I tried... and you have been so.. well I thought happy. And I didn't want to worry you while you finished your last year of college..." he said.
"Nagito.. we're married. You tell me these things... Is this why you've been getting mad at me lately? You're thinner too.. why didn't I see it sooner..." I softly held him tightly as we sat down on the bed.
"I'm sorry... I know I'll get through this it just might take a few more months.. maybe another year.. like last time.." he said.
"Then I'll wait... then we don't have to have kids now.. I'm so sorry.." I held him.
"Don't go again... please tell me everything..."
"Okay..." Nagito replied kissing my forehead.
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Bet y'all didn't expect that 😎