Obey Me x Reader (Oneshots)

[INCORRECT QUOTES 1]

I used a random generator for this. 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer: Date someone who will drag you outside at 3am to look at the stars 
MC: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3am to go look at the damn sky will be removed indefinitely from my life. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mammon: We need to get through this locked door. MC, give me your credit card. 
MC: Here. 
Mammon, pocketing it: Thanks. Satan, kick down the door. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leviathan: Are you sure this is the right direction? 
Mammon: Certainly, I'm sure as I am honest 
Lucifer: In that case, we're definitely lost. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer: I still have no idea how I'm attracted to you. 
MC: Yeah, well, you're struck with me, and no take backs, honey. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Solomon: Wow, MC, you want to hold hands with me before marriage? How awfully lewd of you. 
MC: We literally slept together yesterday. 
Solomon: That is NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: Petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday. 
Solomon: Wednesay 
MC: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barbatos: I've been dropping the most insanely obvious hints for the past year, no response. 
MC: Wow, they sound stupid. 
Barbatos: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
MC: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you." 
Barbatos: I guess you're right. Hey MC, I love you.
MC: See! Just say that! 
Barbatos: Holy fucking shit. 
MC: If that flies over their head then, sorry Barbatos, but they're too dumb for you. |
Barbatos: MC. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leviathan: Satan isn't answering his phone. 
MC: I'll call. 
Belphegor: Levi and I have both tried 6 times, what makes you think-
Satan: Hello? 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer: Can you cut me some slack, MC? I'm sort of in love. 
MC: That's not my problem. 
Lucifer: I'm in love with you. 
MC: Oh- um.. Well that brings me into the loop, doesn't it? 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: I just ended a four year friendship. 
Lucifer: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay? 
MC: Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't my friendship. 
*Belphie and Satan fighting from across the room* 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*MC and Mammon sitting in jail together* 
Mammon: So, who do we call? 
MC: I'd call Lucifer, but I feel safer in jail.