Masaya naman ang lahat. Ikaw at ako. Walang makakapantay sa kaligayahan na meron ako pag kasama kita, pero bakit pagkatapos ng lahat ng yon, winasak mo pa rin ako? Bakit pagkatapos ng lahat ng yon, parang wala lang sayo ang ginawa mo? Have you moved...
"Nothing has changed drastically but I can say her condition became stable somehow. It didn't worsen or improve but it's still good news sa sitwasyon niya" sambit ng doktor samin habang kasama ng nurse si Selena sa labas
"Dok?" I spoke up
"Yes?"
"She... she can survive right?"
"Well... alzheimer's still has no cure but for her age... we can still slow down the effects of her illness"
"S-slow down?"
"People her age when diagnosed with alzheimers, may mga nagtatagal 20 years or more before it worsens and become uncontrollable pero we have to look at her closely to make sure of that to happen."
Twenty? How can her life have such a limit? Damn it.
"Kadalasan mga matatanda ang mahirap nang pigilan o i-aid ang gantong sakit, but with Selena's age? I think just always be with her and provide support and love... she'll be able to last long... if not, survive this situation"
"How can we ease her memory?"
"Wag kayong mapapagod magpaalala ng mga masasayang memorya sa kanya. Her memory sometimes is on and off but it can stay on for a longer time if she feels happiness and she's not stressed at all and other triggers whatsoever"
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Jacob's PoV
Like what she always want to do when she remembers me, we laid side by side at niyakap ko siya, she did the same.
Sa tuwing makakaalala siya I tell her to take a photo of us or post something... hindi ko naman akalaing ganun ang magiging tweet niya as if surrendering herself...
"Is it hard?"
"Ang alin?"
"Taking care of a headache like me?"
"Selena... I told you hindi ka pabigat"
"No... I know I am a burden, you don't have to lie to me"
"Selena" tumingin lang ako sa kanya nun but I see her eyes glistening with tears
"Jacob? Bakit ako? B-bakit ako pa nagkasakit na ganito? W-what did I do wrong?? Am I too happy that I have to suffer as if my life's not moving at all? B-bawal ba ko sumaya? Bakit ka-bakit kailangan ko maranasan to Jacob?? Bakit ako?"
Hearing her I pulled her into a hug as she sobs on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and bit my lips to stop myself from sobbing
"Bakit ako Jacob? B-bakit ako?!"
"Ssshhh ssshhh" I was trying to calm her down kahit ako sa sarili ko umiiyak na
"Nakakapagod!! Aaahhhh!!!" She was trying to get away from me pero hinigpitan ko lang lalo yung yakap ko sa kanya
"Anong nangyayare?!" Sigaw na sambit ng magulang ni Selena pagpasok nila sa kinaroroonan namin
"Aahhhh!!!" Selena
"Selena! Please calm down!" Tita
"I love you Selena... I love you" sambit kong mahina sa tenga niya habang pinipigilan ang pagwawala niya
"I love you I love you i love you" paulit ulit kong sambit hanggang sa kumalma na siya sa pagwawala pero umiiyak pa rin siya
"Sorry... I'm sorry nahihirapan kayo dahil saken... sorry..."
"No baby... oh gosh come here" hinigit nila si Selan para yakapin mula sa harapan while I stayed behind her
"Sorry..."
"Mahal na mahal ka namin... itatak mo yan sa puso mo anak... mahal na mahal ka ni mama... ni papa... at ni Jacob... ha?"
She continued to cry habang yakap yakap namin siya...
Maya maya lang humarap siya saken at yumakap ng mahigpit
"Jacob..."
"Tahan na Selena... mahal na mahal kita..."
I went to school for the next day pero wala rin ako sa sarili ko. Na kay Selena pa rin yung utak ko...
"Bro, are you sure you're okay? Wala ka sa sarili mo" Renzo sabay tapik sa balikat ko.
Andito kami sa garden kung san wala masyadong tao. Ayoko ng ingay... lalo lang ako naguguluhan
"Bro..."
"Kamusta si Selena?"
"Bro... have you been so helpless? And useless at the same time?" Sambit ko
"Why? What's happening?"
"Pakiramdam ko wala akong kwenta Renzo... I... I see her forget and remember... I see her suffer but I got nothing that I can do to help her other than being with her... k-kung pwede lang akuin ko na lang yung sakit niya gagawin ko... it... it pains me so much to see her joyful side but with no memories at all... it pains me more to see her real self with the memories but in pain of what's going on... wala akong magawa... w-wala akong maitulong"
"Dude... di ba sabi mo medyo naging stable si Selena? Dude that's because of you... your presence is more than enough of a help to her... your love for her... her parents care... that's all she needs Jacob"
"P-pero... pero ang hirap magpakatatag sa harap niya pre... ang hirap magpakasaya sa harapan niya just so she feels good about herself... kahit alam ko sa sarili ko... sobra... sobrang sakit"
"Just cry it out... kailangan mo din umiyak..."
"I can't cry"
"Who said that? Everyone can cry Jacob. You're not an exception"
"I have to be strong for Selena..."
"Crying is not a sign of weakness dude. It's a way to release pain." Sambit niya sabay tapik sa likod ko... it's as if his comfort was my eyes' signal to cry that I broke down
"Ang hirap Renzo... putangina. She's not showing it but I know it's really... it's really hard for her. Pati magulang niya minsan naririnig ko na lang sa kwarto nila umiiyak habang tulog si Selena. I can't be weak in front of all of them... I can't... ahh fck!" Sambit ko as tears were welling on my eyes
