What did the fish say when he swam into a wall. dam
What do you call a fish with no eyes? fsh
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta-way
I sold my vacuum yesterday. It was just collecting dust
What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator
What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" The bartender yells out. The man turns around: "It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot
Why don't dinosaurs talk? because there all dead
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison
What is green and has wheels? The grass I leid about the wheels
What do you call a man with no legs or arms in a pool? bob
Three fish are in a tank. One of them asks the others "how do you drive this thing?"
What do you call a man that can stand? Neil
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... Then I turned myself around
Do you know the first french fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece
I don't like staircases. They are always up to something
Wife "How do I look" Husband "with your eyes"
What is the best part of living in Switzerland? I don't know but the flag is a big plus
Have you heard of the rumor about butter? Nothing I probably should not be spreading it
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs
Rip boiled water. you will be mist
eBay is so useless. I looked up-lighters but it only came up with 13,447 matches
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long joke? joke joke jooooooooooookkkee
That is a pretty good ceiling! It is not the best but it sure is up there
I wrote a song about a tortilla. But it is more like a wrap
Did you hear about the kidnapping in school? It is all good he woke up
How do you make holy water? you build the hell out of it
Why did I knock on the fridge? Because there might be a sealed dressing
I lost my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Where do you take somebody who has been injured by peekaboo? To the I.C.U
Nurse "blood type?" Dad "red"
What do you call a blind dinosaur? A do-you-think-he-Saurus
Why is peter pan always flying? Because he neverlands
Today I threw out my dead batteries. They were free of charge
Why do ghost love elevators? It lifts there sprits
Why do fish live in salt water? Pepper makes them sneeze.
