The majestic tale of an idiot and his assistant: Season 2

The Shezow Theorum part 1

(Not to be offensive to the LGBT, but I hate the gender-bending trope. I mean, what is the fuckin' point? To satisfy some sick fantasy? I don't get it. BUT, on the other hand, I support the Transgender community whole heartedly, as I have a second cousin who is trans. And I also like this show called Shezow that deals with it....so this story arose from that stewing pot of unstable contradictory madness.)
Scholar and Sally were in the Raptor Craft, with Charlie and Echo in the back. They just got back from Japan.
Scholar was pissed. So was Sally.
"I can't believe you two."
Charlie said, "We heard it was considered polite to belch at the table."
Sally yelled, "THAT IS CHINA, AND IN ANY SETTING, IT IS NOT OKAY TO VOMIT ON THE WAITER!!!!"
Echo said, "I felt sick."
Scholar sighed. "You two are so fucking dumb."
Then the gas light went off. "FUCK!!!" Scholar swore. "WHO'S THE IDIOT WHO FORGOT TO REFUEL?!"
Sally glared at Charlie and Echo.
"Don't look at us.", Charlie said.
Echo said, "Yeah. We aren't smart enough to drive."
Scholar sighed. "For once they're telling the truth. I think Delta needed it this afternoon."
Sally said, "Great."
Scholar said, "Do you have GPS here?"
Sally checked her phone. "Um, yeah, actually. The nearest town is up ahead."
Scholar sighed. "Do you have the name of the place?"
Sally looked at her phone. "Um, Megadale. Or something. I left my contacts at home."
Scholar just was silent.
Then he turned the ship around.
Sally looked at him.
"Um, the town is the other way."
"I know."
Echo said, "Is it opposite day or something? AM I CHARLIE?"
Charlie said, "That means I'm Echo!!!"
Sally sighed. "No, dumbnuts. You're yourselves."
Scholar said, "We can land in the forest. We can walk. Circle around the town."
Sally looked confused. "Is there something we don't know?"
Scholar sighed. "You really want to just buy gas and go home?"
She said, "I mean...it's easier."
Scholar sighed. "Fine. But we keep a low profile. Stick to the shadows. And these two chuckleheads stay behind."
Sally said, "Seriously, are you hiding something?"
Scholar sighed. "It's best if you learn it for yourself."
***************
Once they landed at a gas station, Charlie and Echo began loading up on snacks and gasoline.
Scholar put on sunglasses, a dark trenchcoat, shifted his fez into a green ball cap, and traded in his bow tie for a simple t-shirt and pants.
Sally was very confused.
"Scholar, what-"
Then she saw the wanted poster.
"Alias: Scholar. Wanted criminal. Wanted for destruction of TG Inc. Labrotories. Ten billion dollar reward."
Sally slowly turned around to see Scholar. "You're a wanted criminal?"
Scholar sighed. "It's a long story."
Sally crossed her arms. "I'm waiting."
Scholar sighed. "A long time ago, God created men and women. Adam and Eve. But what you didn't know was there was another woman created as a prototype before Eve. Lilith."
Sally nodded. "I'm Jewish. I've heard the stories."
Scholar sighed. "Well, Lilith hated being inferior to men and believed that women should rule over men. So she made a deal with the devil and became the Queen of Hell."
"Anyway, there was this one group on Earth that agreed with her ideals. The World Womyn's Organization. They decided to make a deal with her. They learned all kinds of things. Science, magic.... They created a ring. That ring was given to the city's protector, Shezow, really some kid named Guy Hamdon."
ANyway, the WWO created TG INC, a place where LGBT people could go and be put in their "correct bodies". But it was a front."
"This is where I come in. I noticed employees and men around the city disappearing. Being replaced by women. Being brainwashed. So I basically found out they were abducting them and experimenting on them. Horrible stuff. So I did what any good person would do and blew up the factory with C4."
Sally yelled, "YOU DID WHAT?!"
Scholar sighed. "I was drunk."
Sally said, "Oh my god."
Scholar sighed. "I was basically banned by Shezow from going anywhere near this town. Because I was deemed too "Loud and destructive"."
Sally's eye twitched.
Sally sighed. "You did the right thing. But seriously?"
Scholar sighed. "Yeah, I-" he slowly walked around Sally. "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOO!!!"
Sally ran over to him.
A large building was in front of them, marked "TG INC."
Sally said, "Well, that's a kick to the gonads."
Scholar grabbed a 9 iron and began smashing the windows.
Sally ran after him and began wrestling with him over the makeshift weapon.
"Ahem."
They looked up.
A 20 year old superheroine was watching their fight.
She wore a pink costume and had a pink streak in her black hair.
Scholar groaned. "What's up, drag show?"
She blushed. "Long time no see, Scholar. I thought I made it clear to you don't come back here."
Scholar grinned. "Yeah, but I missed our fights."
She landed and marched up to him. "Drunk."
"Kathoey."
"Moron."
"Shemale."
They glared at each other for five full minutes. Then they started making out.
Sally vomited. "OH MY GOD!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE NOT INTO THAT!!!!"
Scholar looked at her. "It's 2021. We can do what we want."
Shezow then said, "Yeah, and besides, we aren't together-together. It's just a casual fling."
Scholar added, "Yeah, grow up, Sally."
Sally gagged. "I...might need a minute."
Shezow grinned. "So, what's up with you?"
Scholar shrugged. "Got sober."
She shoved him. "Get OUT!!!"
He laughed. "Yeah, I did. For my kids. Delta has a girlfriend now. Echo and Charlie are still stupid, Blue is still bossy, and this is my assistant. Sally."
Shezow held out her hand to Sally. "Nice to meet you."
Sally said, "I'm sorry, but have you two...are you...."
Shezow sighed. "Yes, we did. Yes, I am. I had my operation. I had HRT. Everything. No plastic surgery."
Sally said, "This is a lot."
Scholar said, "Come on. I don't see why this is so shocking. I'm pan. It's not like I pry into your personal life."
Sally said, "Are you kidding me? Yesterday, I caught you using a BLACKLIGHT ON MY FUCKING DIARY TO CHECK FOR SECRETS!!!"
Scholar sighed. "You don't have to throw it in my face."
Shezow said, "Well, it's good you're here. Maybe you can help."
Scholar sighed. "Maybe if you take the bounty off my head."
Shezow smiled. "You know I can't do that."
Scholar sighed. "So what's the deal with this building? I thought I blew the factory sky high!!"
Shezow said, "Um, it's popular. I disagree with the concept. But what can you do?"
Scholar narrowed his eyes and grinned evilly.
Sally said, "Uh-oh."
Scholar ran away laughing like a maniac.
Shezow said, "Did I just-
"You just started something. Yes." Sally finished.
*************
Scholar walked up to Charlie and Echo. "Have I ever told you two you're my favorites?"
Charlie said, "Uh-oh."
Scholar said, "I need you two to do something for me."
Charlie said, "Can we poison someone?"
Scholar looked at her. "We don't have poison. So no."
Charlie said, "Yeah we do. In the pickle jar."
Echo looked at her. "That's why I had that reaction? I thought I was just allergic to pickles."
Charlie laughed. "No, it's poison."
Echo said, "Then what's in the mayonnaise jar?"
Charlie said, "shampoo."
Echo said, "I've been putting poison and shampoo on my sandwiches?"
Charlie grinned. "Yeah."
Scholar looked confused. "Then what's in the jelly jar?"
Charlie said, "Jelly. Don't be stupid."
Scholar sighed. "If Retarded ever needed a picture in the dictionary, it would be of you two."
Charlie said, "So what do you need?"
Scholar whispered his plan.