ADDI THE BADDI
Good Friends And
Excellent Dancing Groups
Come Be Excellent
And Dance
My name is Siri. It is an attenuated form of my long name but for legal reasons, I cannot tell you my real name. I'm basically the godfather, but you'll know me better as Adelaide Sh'adow Amnesia Jane Sandler's autopilot.
A few things you should know about me:
On every level but physical and dietary, I am Hannibal Lecter. Addi will try and brag about that. No. She wishes she could be as 5w4 as me.
You can't see me because I am an aura. But if you could, I'd be bright orange, the colour of sunsets and one of the most poisonous plants, and I'd look like a wolf.
I tend to speak in the key of E flat major, much like the first movement of Beethoven's Eroica. The only exception exists at the beginning of this chapter, where I spoke in G major. But never again.
Now you're wondering, "Why are you here, Siri? How can you exist without Addi consciously thinking?"
Here's the thing, genius: Addi needs me. I've always been here even when she hasn't been. I could live without her. But she couldn't go a moment without me. And right now she needs me to tell her story as she is paralysed with fear and whatever weird teenage emotions are choking her up this time.
Here's the 411:
World go kaboom. Addi goes deaf. She sees someone dead and like the weakling she is she cries about it. 2/10. Wouldn't even get nominated for an Oscar
Plane go brrrt. Or whoosh. I'm not good at noises. It's the only thing I'm bad at. Anyway, plane go flap flap? Fly away from boom boom site. Addi's still paralysed. Old man in the corner also kinda 💀
Addi is like.. Hella introspective. She's glum and whatnot but she's having so many thoughts. So proud of my bby <33
She's still an idiot though so she rage-deletes half her memory of this story, rather regretfully. Thank goodness she has me, the omniscient narrator to recount everything on her behalf. You're welcome!
She's not gonna be able to save that little boy she's been searching for. It's stupid of her to think she could ever be the main character of a young adult fiction. Pathetic, really.
Shut up.
:) Well, hello, Addi.
I said shut up.
That's not how you should greet your friends.
You've been dissing me for the last few hours. Clearly, we aren't friends.
Says the one who bullies her closest friends.
That's different. I'm not trying to hurt them.
Do you think I'm trying to hurt you?
Do you think I'm against helping you, Addi?
I don't know.
Hm, that's what I thought. You know nothing.
Okay. So what if I know nothing? At least my brain works. At least I can think of things and explore ideas and comprehend basic social cues. At least I know when to stop before I hurt people. At least I have a drive in my mind to be better than I am, to do good and do better than—
You can shut up now. That's all I needed to hear.
Alright, ladies and gents, for the third instalment of her young adult adventure story, Adelaide Sh'adow Amnesia Jane Sandler!
