𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 ; diluc ragnvindr

𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 ; of home and friends

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

As his arms wrapped around her and the smile on her face widened, enough she could just die right here and now, those were the five words murmured in her ear with the warm that wrapped around her.

They were both laughing, of course. It was a reunion, and it was one in... what, several years? Two lost souls and they had fulfilled each other years ago, and they had left because they had no other choice but they had been looking for each other.

There seemed to be, in all of that, a murmur on her lips. As his arms squeezed her tight and her arms wrapped around her neck, her chin resting on his shoulder and her sense overwhelmed with the scent of fresh grass and breeze and wind and something like a little alcohol, but that didn't quite matter. All that did was him, so long, after years.

Him, him, him. Her best friend, her brother, her savior, her everything.

"Babs." Just his name, over and over again.

"God, what- god."

"Helena." He said back, and he was grinning and hugging her tight, tight enough it took the breath away from her, tight enough to hurt, but she didn't care.

He'd grown somewhat taller. Just a little. His eyes as bright turquoise as ever, matching the tips of his braids that tickled her face. The clothes he wore was as fresh as he'd bought them yesterday, his face glowing; as he pulled away from her, she could catch the slightest glint of something in his eyes.

"Helena." He repeated, and broke out into a grin. "Helena! I've missed you."

Ah, right. 

This.

"I've..." She felt the words around in her mouth. "I've missed you too."

She couldn't do this, she thought, but when she looked at him all that came out was everything but regret. A smile on her face and her heart beating faster than ever. A flush on her cheeks and a feeling, a feeling as though she was sixteen again, like she was back there where she had first met him with a grin on his face and with the tears streaking down her cheeks.

Barbatos. She could not do this.

"I hope you've been doing well." He winked. "Are you older?"

"Shut up." She smacked his arm. "Just because you're Barbatos..."

"I'm only slightly older." He shrugged, leaned back against the table to strike a pose. "I really can't help it; it's just my natural charm."

She laughed. "Natural charm. Right. Who's been feeding you lies again?"

He leaned back, grimacing; for a moment, she thought she saw something in his eyes, something she was not quite familiar with, but- no. Never mind.

He seemed the same as ever, and now- now, he took her by the hand.

"How about," He suggested, "I buy you a drink?"

She laughed out loud.

The same as ever- the exact same. A careless smile on his mouth and not a thought in the world about just how much she thought of him.

She wanted to blame him, she really did; if only she could.

♬ ♬ ♬

IF ONE ASKED HELENA SATURNALIUS HER THOUGHTS ABOUT 'HOME', IT WAS QUITE OBVIOUS WHAT SHE WOULD SAY.

Here, she'd say. Right here.

Right here, in the Angel's Share. A stack of contracts in her room as she tried to figure out the best house to settle in, balled up notes of writing and writing, wondering where her next plot would take her, clothes piled up neatly and freshly washed as a result of Diluc's insistence, the reading glasses she wore in one of the drawers somewhere and the whole room smelling faintly of wine.

It was this right here, with a redheaded man straining his unused muscles to try and smile as she came down the staircase in her best clothes, Charles making idle chatter with her as he tried not to acknowledge the piercing stares his employer sent, a lyre in her hands sometimes when she felt like it (throughout Master Diluc's worries, she did still play) and here- here, was her home.

But it hadn't always been.

Once upon a time, her home had been none other than the one sitting right in front of her. There was her and there was him, and there was the roof of an inn but the world between them. Nothing to stop what she thought to be fate.

And her home was back here: the one she thought she had forgotten but the one she really, really had not.

Wine, she thought, and downed her drink. It was much too stuffy in here.

"Do tell me," The boy across her said, the most presumptuously innocent smile on her face, "How have the past years been without me? Obviously dull?"

Another drink set in front of her. This one was the strongest drink there was, Death After Noon, and she could feel her head spin with every sip. Strong enough to knock her out cold and set her priorities as straight as rubber.

"Good." She said. Another sip. A pleasant tang, some kind of buzz that clouded her thoughts and left ooze in her brain, was all that remained. She wanted to go upstairs and write another chapter of her story. "Good. I went to a few different places... Fontaine was nice. I tried to get myself smuggled into Inazuma but failed, so I had to settle for Snezhnaya."

"Snezhnaya?" He laughed. "You've been quite busy, haven't you?"

"Quite cold." She frowned. "Overall, I must say the most interesting place is in Dragonspine."

"Not Mond?"

A sighescaped her lips. As if she would. "This is the first time I've been back in Mond since then and you know it."

"I know, I know." He waved away her curious gaze. "Just.. .wondering. Have you been to Liyue?"

That was what she hated about this. Somethings he would never dare to say to another human being and he was tossing it out in front of her like a simple deck of cards.

And she was fine with it. Anyone else and her usual smile would be torn apart; but it was fine, because this was Babs.

"I... well..." She hesitated. "No."

He tilted his head. "I told you last time as well about this... I hoped you would finally pluck up the courage to-"

"I told you it's fine."

And... and this. The only person she would ever do this to.

At her outburst, they looked at each other for a long time. Her mouth still tingling with half the glass of Death After Noon held in her hand, and his eyes filled with- surprise? Laughter? Nothing good, and everything she saw the beauty in. Laughter sped faster than Cupid's arrow and eyes as beautiful as what Icarus must have seen when he had fallen from the sky.

"Relax, Helena!" He leaned forwards, his fingers tapping at her arm. "I won't push you if you don't want to. Just a suggestion. In case you're interested."

"I'm not."

Drink after drink after drink, fire burning down her throat to hide everything held within her; and maybe... just maybe... 

Maybe, she thought, if Master Diluc was here, everything would be easier.

And his face flickered across hers for a moment. She did not care if it was real or not. There was no room left in her heart for someone like him: it was just something that was, and something that would never be.

Get up, he seemed to say. A bittersweet laugh left her lips.

I can't.