Welcome To Wonderland (MHA/BNHA x Villain Male Reader)

Hi It's L

hello, hi sorry if you go excited thinking this was going to be a new chapter I know I haven't uploaded a chapter in a while, I have been feeling the best I don't know how to continue or properly write chapter 25, and honestly I have been feeling really shitty since in a couple of months I will finally be a senior "Yay" but the thing that's been bugging me is that I want to study Anthropology which I love the idea to study and learn from cultures around the world but lately my parents and my grandfather has been bugging me about studying medicine "which is something else that I would like to study but not as much as Anthropology" and I have been questioning if I should study Anthropology since they made those comments like "you know if you study Anthropolog here is doesn't work because we don't have culture" "you have any idea how much money do Doctors made" and honestly the only reason that I am writing about this is because I fell like I have no one to talk to about this and like the only two girl friends I have we don't text that much, and honestly U kind of miss one of my ex bestfriends my only truly guy friend, but that a different story and honestly This is just going to be a little rant about my life and how fucking alone I am. 

Honestly, I have always been lonely and you can see that in my books there are some aspects of that when it comes to me writing about Y/N, Like is Hope my (x Kirishima) fanfic  I wrote about being an outcast also in this one the feeling of being in a cage and being trape at torture. I going to make this comment and please don't think this is for me trying to get compliments; honestly, I feel I am ok or mediocre when it comes to the beginning of my stories but when it comes to the middle to end I think I fucked them up and they just turn out like shit. 

like besides being fucking lonely it doesn't help that I can't have my own space in my house I feel like I cannot move without being monitor 24-7, and it doesn't help that side being lonely the fucking memory (I don't say trauma because I don't think its trauma) of my parent hitting me and telling me that I will die alone and that no one will love me, its fucking hilarious really how my biggest fear was being lonely for the rest of my life and how all of the sudden my parents decided my fate that I will end up lonely forever, Honestly I don't know why but I just can't stop thinking about it, At this point I think that is why I rather help people fall in love and help them being something with someone because I feel like I don't really deserve love, honestly I think I just accepted that maybe I will not find love after going all of my problems with self steem and self harm overcoming them like 2 years ago and then all of the sudden a year later being called a F slur and being told that I don't really think I have had the best luck, honestly I think I have come far when it comes to me loving myself even do somedays I hate my body and face and just being fucking gay, because Apperently my parents think I don't have no right to have my own feeling and my own way of thinking since ever since they find out I was attracted to guys they have told me that I was just confuse and it was only a curiosity (I have learn to hate the word curiosity from hearing it so many time) and not only that it seems as if they think that degrading gay people that will made me feel less attracted to guys, Like a comment my granpa say "gay people never truly find happiness" like honestly I don't even care no more, before when My self steem was on the floor I like to think that the way I was going to get revenge on my parents was that  by killing myself maybe I will made there comments be true and get my vengeance by making them suffer. 

Honestly, I had to help myself all on my own I had to build myself up and repair all the broken inside me by myself and honestly I am used to it  (I don't really know why I am writing these, I guess it just helps me to write how I feel )

Honestly fan fics with self inserts have help me so much, to feel a little better and I am glad I manage to write some and letting people enjoy them, Fictional characters have just help me to cry since sometimes I feel that I can't cry or I just hold myself from crying specially when I am sad. 

Honestly U just want to say be brave, work hard, love yourself and learn to love yourself, and please if u are thinking in killing yourself please don't, I have been there and I know its hell but things get better sometimes not a better as you wish for but things improve even if its just a little bit better, I love you all and thank you all for you funny and nice comments, it really encourage me to not stop writing.  

💜💜💜