To Be So Lonely

Having Sex And Feeling Sad

*flashback*

"Luca, why do you always lie?" I confronted him. After all the months of picking up random pieces of lies he had trailed behind him, I confronted him. My head stayed on his chest, not making an eye contact because I knew he wouldn't be able to, if he loved me the way he said he did. His chest was picking up it's pace and I could hear his heart banging against his ribcage.

"I have no answer to that" he said.

"Then answer me why I have endured six months of you abusing me in front of your family just so you could prove to them you're someone you're not?" I shot up from his chest looking right at his face because it didn't matter who loved who right now. While my gaze was fixated on his face, studying his expression, he looked into a distance, pretending as if I'm not staring into his soul.

"It's cause you're st-" He said again.

"No." I protested against him. "Not this time Luca. You have two options right now, either come clean with whatever it is that you're hiding or this is the last you'll ever see me"

"You know I can't"

"But you can very well hit me over the slightest things" He finally looked at me. "You can very easily do that, as if it's a daily thing for you. You've grown used to hit-"

He was about to blow up. He was angry. Very angry.

"Don't complete that sentence for your own self Soph. I'm warning you." His voice laced with threaten and stern.

I was frantically breathing at this point, fighting my tears as much as I could. My eyes were under a pressure, tears threatening to fall out.

"You've grown used to hitting me Luca" I said, my voice shaking heavily. I couldn't make my voice stable at any costs. What was happening was involuntary.

"I didn't choose that!" He screamed, now standing up from his position, looking down on me. "I never chose this for you! I never had a fucking-" he threw our picnic basket into the ocean off of the cliff. Everything I had cooked. "-choice! I never did Sophia!"

"Then let me have one" I demanded, matching his height, staring him right in the eyes.

"Let you have one what?" His features hardened.

"A choice." I answered softly.

"What are you talking about?" He had an idea where this was going to end up. His features softened and the look in his eye changed from livid to concerned in the matter of seconds.

"I'll leave. If you can't have a choice Luca, then let me have one and let me walk away before it's too late. If I'm in too deep, I'm afraid none of us will be able to look after each other and I'm sure you don't want that"

His head hung low upon hearing my words, his hands clutching mine tightly with hope. After a moment of silence between us, I felt a drop of warm liquid on my hand.

"Does this mean you don't l-love me anymore Soph?" His voice cracked, still not looking up. He was shaking.

"Im afraid I need to love me more"