Letting Go { Jung Jaehyun Series }

Chapter 3

"Shit, shit, shit!" cursed Jaehyun as he sat on the edge of his bed staring at his phone. He still didn't have Rosa's number, and now, he probably never would.

Jungwoo stared at him intently. "What's your deal?" he asked. "You've been weird all day and you can't put that phone down to even have a decent meal."

Jaehyun looked up at his friend's concerned face. "I met this girl that I really like, and I said something dumb, and now, I don't think she will give me a chance to fix it," he confided.

"Well, just apologize, man! Girls aren't that hard to figure out. They just want guys to be sincere, I think," he advised, despite his limited experience.

"Yeah, but I don't have her number and I doubt she'll show up at the pool anymore. So, basically, I don't have any way to talk to her," he explained.

"Oh, that does suck," said Jungwoo, seeing that an easy solution to his friend's dilemma could not be found.

"Right?!" replied Jaehyun, feeling vindicated that his bad mood was not unwarranted.

Three days had passed since his joking suggestion that Rosa should sleep with him. He was trying to be flirty, but it just came off as tone deaf. He would have never said something like that to a Korean girl, but American girls were usually more sexually aggressive. He had miscalculated severely in thinking that Rosa would respond well to something so suggestive. He hadn't even meant it. It was just something that came out, but he regretted it. He had no experience in cleaning up messes like this. This kind of thing was always handled by the PR department at SM. He had never had to clean up his own comments before. He didn't even know how he would do it even if he could talk to Rosa.

He had gone to the pool a couple of times but had not seen her there. Now, his only hope was that she would text him. But why would she? She probably was just as happy to never see him again.

Jaehyun lay down on his side and curled his legs up toward his chest. Does this really warrant the fetal position? he asked himself before deciding that it definitely did. The most torturous part was that he couldn't get her out of his mind. Her green eyes and tan skin haunted him day and night. In fact, just last night, he had dreamed that he was in a glass box and he could see Rosa, but he couldn't touch her. She had stared at him, unsmiling, seemingly unaffected by his pleas for her to hear him out.

As he lay there, contemplating the meaninglessness of existence, he heard a short buzz from his phone. He picked it up so quickly that he nearly dropped it. There he saw the most unbelievable thing. Rosa had texted him!

It said, "Just wanted to say I shouldn't have walked out like that. I'm sorry."

Jaehyun stared at the screen. He was perplexed that she would be apologizing when she was the one who deserved an apology. Hesitantly, he typed, "I'm an asshole," but quickly deleted it. No, that's no good, he thought. I need to be specific.

He tried again, "I'm really sorry about what I said. It was out of line." He erased that one as well. He stared at the blinking cursor that seemed to be taunting him. Finally, he simply replied, "Can we meet up?"

Later, as he sat at the same table in the same coffee shop where they had met before, Jaehyun waited for Rosa as he played out various scenarios in his head. He didn't have much time to ponder it because Rosa arrived right on time.

Jaehyun jumped up from his seat and held out a bouquet of orchids. Rosa accepted them and set them on the seat beside her as she sat down.

They both spoke at the same time. "I'm so sorry." They laughed awkwardly. Jaehyun jumped in before Rosa could speak again. "I was out of line. I totally didn't mean it. It was just something that was meant to be funny, but it just didn't hit well at all. It was all my fault, totally," he said with conviction.

Rosa laughed. "You sound like my Mexican grandma at church. 'Por mi culpa, por mi culpa, por mi gran culpa!'" Rosa said, beating her fist against her chest.

"What does that mean?" asked Jaehyun.

"It means, 'It's all my fault.' They say that as part of the mass when they confess their sins," she explained.

"Well, that's just about right. I just don't want you to think that I'm a total pervert or that I'm trying to sexualize you, or something," he said, his face reddening with embarrassment.

"So, you're not a pervert?" she asked coyly.

"I mean, not usually," he replied, laughing nervously.

"I think we all have our out-of-pocket moments," conceded Rosa graciously.

Jaehyun smiled in relief. "Listen, I don't know if this is too forward of me or not, but I really like you. I'd like to keep seeing you if you'll let me," he said, all in one breath.

"You know I looked you up online like you told me to," Rosa answered. "Turns out, you're kind of a big deal."

"Oh, that," said Jaehyun dismissively, swiping his hand through the air. "Don't pay attention to all that," he said. "It's all just nonsense. It will all go away someday, and I'll just be me again --- just me, without the designer clothes and the wild hairstyles. When that day comes, I'm hoping there is someone around who knows me for who I am."

"That makes sense," Rosa said, her green eyes melting with compassion. "But why would you want that person to be me?" she asked.

"I mean. I can't explain why we like one person over another. Who knows how that works? Is it pheromones? Intuition? Fate? I don't know. I just know I like you so much. I've been driving myself crazy for the past few days thinking you were never going to talk to me again," he said.

"Pheromones?!" scoffed Rosa. "So, you like the way I smell?"

"I don't know," Jaehyun replied. "I've only ever been around you when you smelled like chlorine," he joked. "It was just a theory anyway. Don't take it too seriously."

When they stood up to leave, Jaehyun looked briefly at his feet and said, "Could I give you a hug?"

"OK," Rosa replied, feeling equally as awkward as he did, but still craving contact with him.

When he wrapped his arms around her, he breathed in deep. She smelled like cookies, like vanilla and brown sugar. Her scent was so natural and comforting, not like the heavy perfumes at the department store counter. All those fancy scents always came off as aggressive to Jaehyun. But Rosa smelled like a grandma's kitchen, warm and accepting. He wanted to bury his head in her neck, but he held himself back. No use losing this new-found closeness by being greedy. When he pulled away, he smiled at Rosa.

"You smell really good," he ventured.

"You do too," admitted Rosa. "You smell like soap. I mean, just like --- really clean," she stammered.

"Whew!" he said, wiping his brow. "I'm glad my hygiene is up to par."

Rosa laughed and pinched his cheek, playfully.

A cheek-pinch? Jaehyun thought. I wonder what that means. He would have to analyze it ad nauseum with Jungwoo later.