Letting Go { Jung Jaehyun Series }

Chapter 5

Rosa awakened to find Jaehyun asleep with his head on the side of the couch. Suddenly memories began to flood back.

"We had a few drinks," she thought to herself. "We kissed for a while and then, .... Oh, my.... Did I do what I think I did?" She was fuzzy on the details, but something told her that she might have gone a bit further than she had intended. She looked under the cover to assure herself that her clothes were still on. They were. Thank God!

She slipped off the couch carefully so as to not disturb Jaehyun. Rosa knew she should probably tell him she was leaving, but she was feeling a bit embarrassed about not being able to handle her soju. She had never been drunk before because she made it a point to never be in a position in which she was out of control. She prided herself on being a person who carefully calculated her actions and did things with intentionality. So, this departure from her own standards shook her more than she cared to admit.

Rosa picked up her phone and her purse and headed to the door to put her heals back on. She slipped out the door as quietly as she could. The door, upon being opened and closed, made a rather loud beep which woke Jaehyun. He looked at the empty couch and immediately stood. He went into the hall and managed to catch a glimpse of Rosa turning the corner toward the elevator. He made it to the elevator just in time to see the doors close with Rosa inside, making her escape.

Jaehyun ran to the stairs and quickly descended the three flights to the lobby of the building. He caught up with Rosa just as she was about to open the door that led to the busy street outside. Panting from his exertion, Jaehyun blocked the door.

"Hey, there's no need to sneak out. Come up and have breakfast before you go, at least," he said.

Rosa tried to nudge the door open, but his arm was still placed securely across it. "I don't usually eat much for breakfast," she hedged. "I'll just get going before the other guys wake up. I think that's best."

"The other guys wouldn't judge you or anything," replied Jaehyun. "They knew you were asleep when they got in. They wouldn't think anything bad. I promise."

"No, it's fine. It's just not like me to stay the night at guys' apartments. I'm not really that kind of girl," said Rosa, as she pushed at the door again.

"Why don't we go get a coffee or something if you don't want to go back up to the apartment?" suggested Jaehyun, hoping to not have her leave still feeling uncomfortable with the events of the night before.

Rosa sighed in resignation as she realized that Jaehyun wasn't going to let her escape this conversation. It was her policy to try to avoid these types of encounters in which she was caught on the defensive. She liked to be the captain of her own ship, so to speak, and this conversation was leaving her feeling like Jaehyun had grabbed the helm and had taken to steering her where she did not want to go. However, she could see that Jaehyun was determined to have this conversation.

As they sat in front of their drinks --- his hot Americano and her green tea, Rosa grasped for a way to describe how she was feeling. Instead of speaking, she decided to just stay quiet. Her motto was always, "When in doubt, say nothing at all."

Jaehyun searched Rosa's face, but could find no clues about her thoughts. So, he dove in the only way he knew how --- head first. "Why were you trying to slip away this morning?"

Rosa sighed. "I don't get drunk. It's just not something that I do --- ever. So, it unnerved me that I had too much last night. And I'm concerned that I might have done something inappropriate."

Jaehyun grinned. "It wasn't inappropriate. Surprising --- yes. Unexpected --- definitely, but not inappropriate. If you hadn't been tipsy, I would have been overjoyed. But since you were, I thought it would be best to shut it down so that there would be no regrets between us," he explained.

Rosa blew out a hard exhale. "See, I struggle a little bit in this area because I grew up in a really strict, Christian household. My dad is really conservative because he's from Mexico, and Mexican girls are expected to be really buttoned up tight. My mom is a super serious Christian. Like, I wasn't even allowed to watch Harry Potter when I was a kid, if that gives you any idea of what I'm talking about."

"No Harry Potter?!" exclaimed Jaehyun. "Can that be considered child abuse?"

"Well, I'm not sure if it's abuse, but it definitely set me apart from my peers. I was always given this message that I'm set apart for a reason and that my conduct had to reflect that."

Jaehyun nodded. "Well, you are special. I can agree to that part," he remarked. "I just feel bad that you felt like you had to sneak out --- like we couldn't talk about it."

"Yeah, I apologize for that," Rosa replied, staring at the tea leaves that were stuck to the sides of the cup. "I just felt like I lost face with you, and I wasn't ready to confront the situation just yet. Like a part of me thinks that women need to reclaim their sexuality and another part of me keeps telling me to suppress it. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I mean, it makes sense," Jaehyun assured her. "I think there's a lot of that here too, that idea that girls need to act very conservatively and that guys are animals. So, girls are always warned that they have to be smart because guys are not to be trusted." Jaehyun took his last sip of coffee and continued. "I think there is a little truth to it just because of the power dynamics and everything, but I don't like the way it paints guys as constantly being sexually aggressive. I'm not, right?" he asked.

"No, you're very respectful of boundaries," Rosa assured him. "I just feel like you might have gotten the wrong idea about me because I wasn't myself yesterday."

"Or maybe you were more yourself than you usually are," suggested Jaehyun. "Do you ever feel like you have walls up? I mean, because sometimes I get the feeling that you are kind of guarded."

"So, I come off as guarded?" Rosa asked, running her tongue over her teeth to make sure they didn't contain any stray tea leaves.

"Um, a little," Jaehyun ventured. "I mean, I was surprised by you last night, but I actually felt like you were more accessible than usual."

"Oh, I was accessible, alright," Rosa quipped.

Jaehyun's face reddened. "I mean, emotionally," he clarified. "Actually, I got you something for Valentine's Day, but I didn't end up giving it to you last night." He pulled out a blue velvet box and placed it in Rosa's hand. She opened it to find a necklace with a string of small diamonds.

"It's meant to wear the pendant down your back instead of in the front," Jaehyun explained. "Because I think your back is really tan and sexy," he added before immediately covering his face in his hands in embarrassment. To give his hands something to do, he stood up and helped Rosa put the necklace on. She pulled a ponytail holder from her bag and pulled up her hair in a quick top knot that allowed plenty of wild, black curls to hang freely from it. Jaehyun traced his finger beside where the pendent hung on her back. His touch sent a shiver down her spine. She pulled his hand to her lips and kissed the back of it.

"Oh, boy," he whispered. "That was really hot."

"Oh, sorry," said Rosa.

"No, no need to apologize. I liked it. I like you," he clarified. "I like you so much that I get so nervous around you. I'm afraid I'm going to mess up and you're going to leave. I just really like you," he repeated.

"I really like you too, like way too much for my own good," admitted Rosa. "I don't really like that vulnerability of liking someone this much, but I can't seem to stop."

 "Then, don't stop," he whispered as he stared into the depths of her green eyes. He leaned in to kiss her full lips. When he pulled away, he whispered again against her cheek, "Just don't stop."