Letting Go { Jung Jaehyun Series }

Chapter 7

"Hey, Mom, it's me," Rosa whispered into the phone.

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"Yeah, I know it's been a while."

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"Listen, I need a favor. I'm freaking out right now. My friend Jaehyun --- well, actually, I guess he's my boyfriend ---. Anyway, he was hit by a car and he's in a coma, and I'm sitting here like legit losing my shit waiting for him to wake up."

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"Yeah, we don't know who hit him, but that's not the point right now. My focus is 100% on his recovery. But listen, could you pray for him and put him on the prayer chain?"

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"Yeah, I know I said the prayer chain was just a gossip circle, but I'm desperate, OK? Now is not the time to scold me for dissing church people, alright?"

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"Of course, I'm praying too. Listen, could you just do what I'm asking you to do without the theatrics?"

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"Sure, go ahead." Rosa held the phone to her ear while her mom prayed for Jaehyun. A tear escaped her eye as she looked at his immobile body. She put her hand out to touch his forehead and she closed her eyes, willing power to somehow enter into his body and raise him up again.

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"Amen," Rosa whispered as she did the sign of the cross and hung up the phone. She took a bowl of lukewarm water and a washcloth and ran the damp cloth over his face, arms, and hands. Jaehyun remained in the same tranquil stillness. In exhaustion, she lay her head on the side of the bed and fell asleep for a few moments.

When daylight began to slip through the slats of the plastic blinds, Jaehyun's mother entered the room and touched Rosa on the shoulder. Rosa lifted her head which felt like it was filled with lead.

"Go get something to eat and take a shower," instructed the woman sternly. "When my precious son wakes up, he doesn't need to see you all disheveled."

Rosa nodded and got up, leaving the chair vacant for Jaehyun's mother to begin her vigil. She took a cab home and got in the warm shower. She finally let go completely of any semblance of decorum and allowed her tears to flow freely, mixing with the warm water of the shower. She fell to her knees and ended up sitting on the shower floor, tucked into the corner with her knees to her chin. Sobs wracked her body. Grief poured out like a raging, muddy river from her entire body. She could hear her mom's voice in her head, "Just keep dumpin' out that bucket. Every time that ol' grief bucket fills up, you gotta dump it out again."

When the hot water finally ran out, Rosa rose from the shower floor and took a deep breath. She changed quickly and took a cab back to the hospital. Today was the day they were going to take Jaehyun out of the medically induced coma. The hope was that he would wake up once the medication was out of his system. From there, they could evaluate his prognosis. Rosa couldn't wait to see his beautiful brown eyes open and alert.

When she got to Jaehyun's room, she entered silently, hoping to not interrupt Jaehyun's mom's adoring vigil. Throughout the day, people paraded in and out of the room, bringing gifts of flowers, ginseng packets, and fruit. Each person would study his face and arms, hoping to see an eye flutter or finger movement. As the day wore on, Rosa began to get more concerned. "How long does it take for the effects to wear off?" she wondered. Every time a nurse or doctor would enter, Rosa and Jaehyun's mom would grill them mercilessly, searching for any clue as to why he had not yet awakened. The nurses would pat them patiently on the shoulder and urge calm. The doctors would sigh wearily and point out condescendingly that every case was different.

When night fell and no progress had been made, Rosa began to feel something she could only describe as terror. She began to ponder the possibility that Jaehyun might be lost to her, at least the Jaehyun she knew and loved. Yes, she loved him. And not because he was broken and needed her. She realized that she had loved him from the moment he had carried her to safety in the water. The one she saw as so strong and confident was now in need of her strength, and she wasn't sure she had it in her. Days and nights of endless watching and waiting had brought her to the end of herself.

Rosa looked over at Jaehyun's mom who had decided to wait through the night instead of handing it over to Rosa as she had in days past. She couldn't risk not being there at the moment Jaehyun opened his eyes. She was slumped in the chair as if a giant boulder were on her shoulders. She smiled slightly at Rosa.

"You know what I always liked about my boy?" she whispered wearily. "He was such a good eater. He would sit down to eat, and you wouldn't hear a peep out of him because he was so focused on his food. He was always such a sweet boy," she lamented.

"IS!" declared Rosa. "He IS such a good, sweet boy! We can't talk like we've given up. He can hear us. We don't want him to think we don't have faith in him that he will wake up again."

"I suppose you're right," she conceded. "But I'm just so tired," she said before breaking into loud sobs. "How could this happen to my baby?" she demanded. "He never did anything to deserve this!" she argued. "He is my whole life! What do I have if I lose him?"

Rosa approached her and carefully placed her hand on the woman's quivering shoulder. "We don't get what we deserve in this world, for good or for bad," Rosa said wisely. "The rain falls on the just and the unjust," she said, quoting the biblical wisdom she had hidden in her heart as a child. Jaehyun's mom merely shook her head, unable to envision a world in which people didn't consistently reap the consequences of their actions --- a random world in which all people received their share of suffering, and some received a double portion for no conceivable reason at all.

The night wore on. Eventually, Jaehyun's mom dozed off in a heap of tired bones wrapped in a gray cardigan. Rosa couldn't sleep. So, she moved her chair closer to Jaehyun's bed and she began to whisper in his ear.

"Jaehyun, it's me, Rosa. You listen here! I expect you to get your ass up out of this bed. If you stay like this, I'm gonna be madder than hell. So, if you know what's good for you, you'd better listen to me and follow my voice. You'd better come on out of there or you'll have hell to pay from me, mister," she threatened. She smiled briefly, thinking about how the events of the last few days had reduced her to threats.

"Jaehyun, your mom and I have been waiting here for days. So, you need to wake up now because we can't go on much longer. I know you can hear me. So, you'd better wake up and look at me when I'm talking to you because I love you and I'm not going to put up with this from you," she warned severely.

Jaehyun's left eyelid moved almost imperceptibly. Rosa squeezed his hand. "That's it! You're doing it! If you can hear me, squeeze my hand," she ordered. She waited for a moment. "I said if you can hear me, squeeze my hand," she repeated. Suddenly, she felt a slight pressure on her hand. She watched as Jaehyun's eyelids went open and shut several times. He appeared to be in a desperate struggle with some unseen force that kept pulling his eyelids closed again. Finally, he succeeded in keeping his eyes open. He stared at Rosa in confusion. He tried to speak, but the breathing tube in his throat did not allow any sound to come out. He pointed at it desperately and even began to try to pull it out himself. Rosa held him back from ripping out the offending tube as she hit the call bell to summon the nurse.

"Hey, hey," she soothed. "It's OK. Don't move around and start ripping stuff out. Just stay still until they unhook you," she instructed. The wildness left Jaehyun's eyes as he stared at Rosa's smiling face.

"Welcome back, my love," she said, kissing him repeatedly on the forehead and cheek.