Ana watched him carefully. He was normal. For him at least. Smiling and joking and being his regular self.
Like it never happened, the only hint the still wet steaks of red paint on the walls.
She pushed the food around on her plate. He was starting to feel emotions for her.
Real emotions.
The reason Scott didn't feel most emotions was because at young age he turned them off to protect himself.
Or rather his brain did. His brained turned off his emotions to protect him from the all trauma inflicted on him.
It looked like...he couldn't control it. If he felt one, he felt all. And that meant...everything he didn't feel when it happened would come back.
He would have to go through the emotions of the things that happened to him.
She swallowed.
"We should go to Cabo," he smiled at Annika. "You'd like it."
"Actually-" she licked his lips. "Scott maybe you...I
Mean maybe you should go back into surgery."
He frowned. "What? I mean I will. But I want to spend time with you all first. It's my first family vacation..."
His eyes glazed over.
And repressed memories too it seemed.
He shook his head. "What was I saying? Right! Our first family vacation." He took her hand. "You don't wanna go?"
"It's not that it's just...won't they miss you?"
He shrugged. "I've been a surgeon for ten years. They'll be fine without me. You know I'm trying right? Best husband, remember?"
Scott paused. "Because...this is real life," he whispered. "And everything bad that's happened is real and will stay with me until I die. There's no second chances. I'm just damaged," he murmured. "Forever."
He blinked, before smiling. "That it's too say...we have to make the best of this."
He sighed. "I'm not doing my best today. Maybe...I didn't get enough sleep."
He held his head. "Ana it's important, that you and I, the kids and all of us spend time together. We have to."
She smiled. "I would love that. But maybe we could push the trip back. You don't seem well."
"I'll have to go the..." he blinked.
She clenched her jaw.
"I mean...well...um..." his eye twitched as he frowned.
He was trying to regulate. He started hyperventilating.
"Fuck," he hissed.
"You don't need a doctor," Ana stated. "You're all better now."
He smiled, the conflict leaving his features. He scooted his chair closer to her.
"You're right." He grinned, taking her hand. "You're right, Ana. Now about that family trip."
Annika shifted, "I think...we should go somewhere new dad. Somewhere fresh."
Scott smiled. "Yes, that would be nice. Where would you like to go, sweetheart?"
Annika glanced at Ana in question at the term of endearment. Scott didn't use terms of endearment.
Ana just nodded at her to continue.
"Uh...what about Japan?"
Scott nodded. "Japan...I don't think I've been there. My mother always wanted to go Japan. She said she liked how children were treated there. I think that's racist."
He shrugged. "Well, she's dead so I suppose it doesn't matter. What do you think, Ana?" He looked at her intensely.
"What should we do?"
Ana looked away. "We can go to Japan if you'd like."
He smiled, placing himself even closer to her. "Perfect. What do you think little Lia?"
Lia grinned clapping. "Yay!"
"It's settled then!" He grinned. "We'll go to Japan. Now, don't you have school work Lia?"
"...it's summer."
"Nonsense," he smiled. "There's no such thing! If you're not learning you're not putting your body to uSe and that means you don't deserve it and you should Just die."
He frowned, looking at Ana as if to confirm what he just said.
"I don't know why I said that," he said softly. He looked back at Annika, "That's not true. Is that true? It's not true. You can't help it if your brother died. You deserve your body because it's yours."
Annika nodded fearfully. "Oh...okay. Thanks dad."
He smiled. "Unless someone takes it from you. Then maybe you don't deserve it. Or maybe that's your fault. Or...wait."
"Annika, I want you to go and take Lia. Go the summer house for little bit."
"Okay."
"Or is that...Is or...then..." he held his head. "Um...no. Ana is that right?"
She purses her lips. "Is what right?"
"Your body. Is it yours? I mean is it mine? I mean...Ana I don't feel well."
"I see that Scott."
He looked at his hands. "But I can't go to the doctor. Doctors are bad Ana. You should never go to the doctor."
"I know. We don't have to go to a doctor. You're a doctor."
He sneered. "Why would I ever wanna be something disgusting like that?"
