𝐌 𝐔 𝐓 𝐄 // 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡

ᴛ ʜ ᴇ ᴛ ʀ ᴜ ᴛ ʜ

a/n
hi besties hru 😩😩
sorry i haven't updated but here it is :))

i slip into the principal's office quietly and look around before locking the door.

my breath trembled as i took each step closer to the desk in front of me. my heart pounded in my chest and my stomach felt the same way it did when you fell off the drop on a rollercoaster.

i was six when i rode my first rollercoaster, it was at disney land with my mom, when she had saved up enough money to finally bring me to a 'decent place for holiday' she had worded it. we rode that one rollercoaster that had drops and turns and ups and downs and it would go backwards too. that was before my life had turned to shit atleast.

maybe, this was a horrible mistake, a stupid one made in the hasty amount of time i had. maybe, i should just turn back, unlock the door, slip out, put the keys back in ms lawson's office and then pretend nothing happened.

i turned around for a split second and stopped walking towards that certain piece of equipment on the principal's table that tempted me so much.

i turned to look at the microphone sitting right there in the middle of the desk before turning back and i see billie's distorted face on the other side of the small frosted glass in the office door.

"you can do it" she mouthed to me while pointing to the microphone, "it's alright, i'm here." she smiled and i smile back softly before letting out a  shaky breath and turn back to the table.

i walk there slowly, my knees felt wobbly and my hands felt sweaty. i stood in front of the desk and my shaky hand rose to turn on the speaker, but quickly, i retracted my hand.

fuck.

i let out a breath and count in my head as i go to turn on the microphone. immediately, the familiar tune that played before each announcement rang.

my breathing became heavier as a panic attack started to rise. i grab the mic in front of me and my gulp could be heard all across the entire school.

i opened my mouth to speak, "i- hi- im" i choke on my words, i didn't know how to start it off. anxiety attacked me ferociously as i tried to find the words to explain myself.

immediately, billie opened the door and ran in.  she locked the door before running towards me and wrapping her arms around my waist as she whispered sweet things in my ear.

"it's okay love, you can do it it's alright." she mumbled softly and i nodded. i tried to swallow down my nervousness.

"OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT!" a loud voice coming from a teacher yelled from outside, hitting the door. multiple other voices could be heard but that one stood out the most.

"someone could get the keys from the office." a voice suggested.

"these punks are in the office you dumb fuc-"

billie looked at me nervously, "look, i need you to gather up the courage you have to speak alright?" she asked, "i'll get the furniture around us to block the door incase they find a key." she pecked my cheek and quickly got to work.

i grabbed the mic in front of me and tapped it, a loud screechy noise filled the speakers and i winced, i put my lips closer to the mic as i spoke, "h-hi" i stutter on my words, "i'm mykayla sanchez."

i shuffle around on my toes as i quickly look at billie to find that she was already staring at me, she gives a thumbs up as she continues to push a chair against the door.

i continue, "im pretty sure most of you have heard by now that i can talk." i mutter softly, "but what you don't know is why i can talk."

"so we're.. let's... im gonna start from the beginning." i contemplate my choice of words, "when i was born i was able to speak, i could talk and everything was perfectly fine."

"it was when i was 6 that the incident happened." i take in a deep breath as i was about to tell the entire school my secret, "when i was 6 my mother died due to... due to,well someone..." tears start to stream down my face, "these horrid men raped her to death."

"and i was there to witness it all." i said, close to whimpering, "i was six, just a child. and if i could go back in time, i would tell her i was sorry."

"after the incident i uh... the police brought me back to the station for an investigation." i braced myself, "and that's when i found out i couldn't talk."

"i had psychogenic mutism."

"psychogenic mutism comes in many forms but mine is mainly due to trauma." i explain, "it usually occurs when a person who is capable of speaking stops speaking. a huge misconception is that while it seems like the person may not feel like speaking or is refusing to speak, it's actually them feeling physically unable to speak."

"mutism happens in certain contexts, and it usually happens in places with large crowds or for example, school. as for mine, it's much more severe compared to other cases and it takes a lot more to let me speak. i have to be with, for example, someone i can trust in order to be able to speak. which is by the way, only one person so far." i chuckle softly before looking at billie.

"the reason i was able to speak that night was because a certain someone, took my jacket which means a lot to me. it then caused me to want to be able to speak in order to ask for the jacket back. it awakes a lot of strong emotions in me and hence... y'know."

"also, most of you have probably been wondering why that jacket i carry around with me means so much." i say, "and uh... it belonged to my mum, it's the only thing left behind by her that i still have. so if that's alright, please don't try to burn it or some shit, thanks."

"yea um.." i wipe a tear staring to form below my eye, "yea that's all, sorry." i mumble.

i off the mic and i hear conversation start to build up all over the school.

i ran into billies arms as i sobbed, i didn't know how people were going to react to this, and i didn't want to know.

a/n
hi besties sorry i haven't updated in awhile my mental health has been shit so like yea.

i'm gonna try update more from now on.

okay bye ily, take care of yourself, drink some water, eat some food, and just know you're worth it. ilyilyily