𝐌 𝐔 𝐓 𝐄 // 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡

ʏ ᴏ ᴜ ᴅ ᴇ ꜱ ᴇ ʀ ᴠ ᴇ ɪ ᴛ

tw: small mention of self harm

"D... did you just speak?" Jayda looks at me with wide eyes and a trembling voice. Ian looked at me in a way that was.... as if he couldn't believe anything.

There was absolutely NO WAY this just happened.

the last time i spoke was when i was 11 and its been 6 years. it can't be possible. besides, when i spoke i was speaking to Maia. Right before the incident happened and a horrible depression overcame me and stupid shit happened.

how could i have trusted them so easily over half a year.

its NOT possible.

after the incident i even tried speaking to myself in private but nothing ever came out and i was right back to where i last started.

flashback

i sat on my bed facing the wall as i tried to speak to myself.

i opened my mouth but no words or sound came out. A tear rolled down my cheek as i tried to speak.

I kept mouthing the word, "talk" or "speak" but nothing ever come out apart from a few tears rolling down my cheeks and staining them with tear marks.

it took me years just to speak again.

i worked so hard for all of this.

There has to be atleast a bit left in me.

this couldn't have just happened.

i try for the last time using all my energy to try and scream out the words but nothing came out again.

my cheeks were red and more tears came.

"NO! NO! NO!" i screamed with no sound coming out of me apart from my heavy breathing and tears dropping onto the floor.

i hit the wall with all the energy left in me until my knuckles bled.

all of this while still having that small bit of hope in me...

telling me i could still speak...

that i didnt let Maia down...

mouthing words again and again.

Maia's voice replayed in my head "just try again kayla... im sure you'll be able to do it soon."

that little voice annoyed me.

i didnt want to hear Maia's voice.

"SPEAK! WHY CANT YOU FUCKING SPEAK!" i screamed while continuously hitting the wall before throwing a book next to me across the room.

the book being a book of course, bounced off the wall though i was hoping it would be some how destroyed when i threw it. But it obviously didn't break and made me feel even more frustrated if i could be.

atleast it created a small little dent... right? i wasnt a failure? right?

i went to the mirror and just punched it right in the middle.

i didnt care if the pieces of it hurt my hand.

i didnt care if some stupid rumor had it that i would have years of bad luck if i broke a mirror.

i didnt care.

at this point, i just needed me to do something so i wouldnt feel so useless.

i rolled up into a ball and went to the corner of the bed crying while i screamed into my chest.

the small bit of hope in my turned to dust.

tears ran down my face and my breathing became heavier and heavier. my shoulders shook and tears were everywhere.

that day i mustve sweared i couldve cried a river of tears.

worst of all?

i let down Maia...

and that was when i completely declared myself mute.

no one could help me now.

i looked towards the table next to my bed and opened the drawer to find my old friend.

i took it out and put it against my skin...

end of flashback

"mykayla!" ian yelled at me with a sad glint in his eyes.

"you just spoke! you lied to me! you said you couldn't speak!" he yelled, causing a scene in the mall.

"i didnt speak!" i yelled at him but my voice broke right at the last word.

Jayda looked at me, "So you could speak this WHOLE time... huh?"

i shook my head.

"DON'T FUCKING SHAKE YOUR HEAD AT ME BITCH SPEAK! WE ALL ALREADY HEARD YOU SO SPEAK! YOU DONT NEED TO KEEP UP WITH THIS ACT ANYMORE!" she yelled at me with a few tears running down her cheek

Jayda never cried and yet shes doing it now.

all because i spoke.

"you don't understand!" i yelled back at her while stuttering a little considering its been 6 years since i last spoke.

"yea i really don't understand. i dont understand why you wont speak...why you wont speak when you have a voice! what was it all for? hm? attention? because well done! you got the attention you deserved! you got the attention from billie, me, and jayda! why would you do this! you know i have isaiah! you know hes deaf! you known i learnt sign language because of him! but what did you learn this shit for? to get attention from everyone by pretending you couldnt speak!" Ian yells at me.

he laughs silently before looking up at me, "y'know what? you deserve it! you deserve to have your mom to fucking die!" he yells, "cause mommy raised a ungrateful brat like you!"

jayda gasped a small bit before looking at me with that small bit of sorryness.

his words hit a spot in me. like i was being stabbed a thousand times. and it was about my mom.

"dont... DONT TALK ABOUT MY MOM LIKE THAT!" i yelled at him.

"BUT YOU DESERVE IT! YOUR ASS DE-" he yelled back but was cut off by jayda.

"ian stop! lets just go. leave her alone. she doesnt deserve us." jayda grabbed ian's arm before pulling him away.

there were people gathered around us taking videos.

" the fuck are you looking at-" i yell at them but my voice got cut off.

of course...

now that theyre gone my voice ends up like this.

the people gathered quickly run away and i head into the store and quickly purchase the outfit and left the mall.

honestly, i dont even want to go to the party anymore...

a/n
yea so i finally updated at 4.28 am
sorry this chapter is short but the next one will be long i promise
and bc i put in the topic of self harm i just want to tell all of you, please dont do it to yourself love
i love each and everyone of you and its not worth it...
trust me
if it makes you feel better i've been clean for 3 months now
we can go through this together love :)