Rhosyn: The Whispering Heart

Chapter 7: Misunderstanding

Its pain, it hurts,

There nothing I could say,

As my heart break into shreds,

There only tears to convey.

***

As I expected. The pain was unbearable for me. I couldn't handle all of this misery and I lost myself. It just hard for me to except everything. Although at first, I thought I could. Without even realising it, there's come a part that break me into pieces. The very first argument that I had with my own friends and it was not like the other arguments we had before. This is worse than that.

It all started during this one programme. Yes, the first argument was due to our first grand programme. Things went awry and didn't go as planned. I am upset that I have high hopes for the programme this time around. I was tired because I was the one who fought to the end. From the very beginning! But then, all of it shattered to the ground. My legs become weak; my eyes began to soar. I want to cry so badly. But I couldn't. I must keep strong so that they won't break even more. Luckily, Delisha presence and assistance helped me a lot. So that I finally manage to endure everything.

Yet, it was not easy. I was on my edge when I saw Harald with Sapphire in the audio room. I saw Sapphire cries a lot and Harald tried to calm her by sitting beside with each other. I know, I know the fact that I'm not in the right place to get jealous. Because he has nothing to do with me. But the deed really torn me apart. I am the one who need him the most at a time like this. But he could be care less about me and come to an aid for another girl.

I was so frustrated because she only stressed out managing the audio room. When I think of it again, and again. All of that happened was my fault. I'm the one who take her co-worker to help me with the dining area. I stomped out of the hall. Intending to find some peace. Currently, I just observing my surrounding. Forcing myself to smile and laugh with all those people. But I couldn't stop begging for forgiveness because of "our" mistakes and carelessness. Once again, I am glad that Delisha was with me all the time. She's the one that voluntarily bear the burden together with me.

As the programme end with the post-mortem, all of us just silently went to our room and mind our own business. I take my shower and head to Delisha room. Asking her if I could join her with her study. I just want someone presence currently. But I just couldn't get myself to burden her even more. So, I decided to call Audric for help. I told him what actually happens and finally, my tears fell down like a waterfall when he starts with his words.

Me: you know that I felt useless all the time. Especially for something like this! I just couldn't stop it. I am such a useless person, either back at home or right here. It still the same as always!

Audric: Reya, hear me out. You are not like what you think you are. You are more than that! You are priceless! If they don't appreciate you, then I will! I am the one who most appreciate your hard work. I am the one who most appreciate your kindness. Because you know, you made me feel appreciated while I'm at my lowest! You made me feel appreciated while they aren't! That's the reason I appreciate you the most!

Me: But Audric...

Audric: Reya, I know how you feel right now. But please, you don't have the reason to felt that way just because of that person. You just felt this way because of Harald, aren't you? Please, don't torture yourself even more. You know what bound to happen if you proceed.

Me; I know that I could deny it anymore. But how could I? I love him! Even a sightliest thing he ever done affect me the most. He may not see this coming. He may not see that I am in pain. He may not see that I am hurting myself. But Audric, listen to me. I must do something or else, I could never get him, and I will lose him forever.

Audric: Reya, like I said before. You have to accept the consequences if you decide to do it.

Me: I know, I will think about it later. As of now, I just glad that I call you. At least I could pour my tears out of me and it became lighter now.

Audric: I glad if I could help you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be with you for the time being.

Me: It's okay. I understand that.

I end the call with an open heart. This cold hearted person do have his soft spot sometimes and Delisha also shocked with that.

Delisha: Is that Audric are you talking to?

Me: Yes, it's him. Why do you ask?

Delisha: Nothing. It just I never seen him like that before. He never talks much or do anything around me.

Me: I don't know. Maybe he just concerns about what happens. That's all. Plus, you're not such a troublemaker like me Lish! Ahahahahah!

Delisha: Huh, what was that? Ahahhahaha, I'm the one who covering you up all this time! So, are you fine now?

Me: Yes. Let's go to my room first before going back.

Delisha: Sure.

Finally, the real laugher breaks the silent room. There's nothing more I could say. Having Delisha and Audric by my side sooth me a lot. Muriel? I don't know what gotten into her for a while now. She suddenly sticks around Tiara and avoiding me for some reason. I could see that she is fine with everyone else. Especially around Harald and the others. She even avoiding me when we in the room together. Suddenly, Sapphire come approach me as I set my foot into our room.

Sapphire: Reya, could you spare some time with me and Yulie for a while? You too Delisha.

Delisha: Sure.

Me: So, what do you have to say now?

*awkward silence for a while

Sapphire: You know, what happen today. I guess there are some misunderstanding between us.

Me: what kind of misunderstanding are you referring to?

Sapphire: the audio room. Actually...

Yulie: actually, I was also in that room. Hiding below the table, crying...

Yulie, she may sound egoistically. But I know that she also had a hard time to admit the embarrassment. I didn't notice that she was there with Sapphire and Harald. She's also saddened by the humiliation of being an emcee. Because there's something happens outside of the script and she's not able to manage it spontaneously. It is also my fault for not having a double-checked session with her about the order of the gifts to be given to the guests.

Me: it's okay now. There's nothing big afterall.

Sapphire: No, it's not okay. You still misunderstand me with Harald.

Me: so, what you want to say about that?

Sapphire: you know, Delisha said that you thought I want to snatch Harald away from you.

Somehow, I got triggered by that statement come out from this girl and shocked that Delisha said something like that to her. I just look at Delisha with unbelievable stares. But she just kept silent and signing me to hear what Sapphire have to say.

Sapphire: Reya, we already know for a while now aren't we? So, why did you have that kind of thought? Don't you believe me? I'm your friend Reya. I wouldn't take away Harald from you. Because I know that you love him, and I just couldn't do that. My relationship with him is not more than a friend. Perhaps, we just like brother and sister. Just the way you are with Audric. Please, believe me Reya!

Me: it's okay now. I just don't have the energy to hear more of this. Could you just give me sometime to think this over?

Sapphire: sure Reya. I'm sorry.

Me: hey, Lish. Do you want to sleep over or not?

Delisha: No, I'm not. I still have assignments to be done and submit by this week.

Me: okay, sure. Good night then.

I go to my bed and ignore all my roommates. Argh, the night felt so long and I'm tired with all of this. I want to sleep but my mind just couldn't stop thinking. Yes, that's right. I have to come to my sense. I must settle all the things here. I know, I have to bear the consequences. But that's the best thing, I guess. This feeling of love just a burden. It may ruin everything around me, especially myself!