One day in Magnate | PJM FF

1. New Beginnings

I woke up to the warm sun rays hit on my honey-colored skin. I squint my eyes as I slowly sit on the bed straightening my posture. I look around to take in my surroundings and lazily drag my half-asleep body off of the bed and make my way to the bathroom to quickly freshen up. I recall the events from last night and find myself smiling at the memories. I had always religiously stuck to plans and schedules but yesterday I let myself loose and do whatever I wanted. I wasn't really spontaneous but something changed yesterday. I recalled Keiko's words, "Don't be too hard on yourself love, let loose, have fun, just breathe!". I chuckle at her way of mimicking my buttoned-up tight arse. 

Keiko and I have been friends ever since elementary school. She has been with me through thick and thin, ugly and beautiful, good days and bad ones. Even if we go on for days without talking to each other, the moment we start talking it feels like we only met yesterday. She brings the wild side of me, the funny side and she makes me smile. Life would be plain without her, lacking spice and zeal. She is outrageously extraverted, a very bubbly, cheerful person and her go-to motto is "When life throws you lemons, make a fricking lemonade!". I admire the way she seems to put everyone around her at ease with her presence. We could all have a friend like her, the kind who'd make you laugh so much that you start feeling the ache in your stomach.

She texts me once at least, every day just checking in. She's been the only person I've properly kept in touch with. I occasionally text my parents or call them to let them know I'm doing fine. I must say, Mom was surprised to know that I extended my visit to Busan. It was supposed to be a 2 week trip with the once-upon-a-time, love of my life, Ezra Waters. Ezra and I had been in a relationship for 2 years before I called it quits. We met during my 2nd year at university and immediately took off. The first few nights, we talked for hours and hours and started spending so much time with each other. He loved listening to my stories and I'd always explain everything in too much detail, sometimes oversharing. But he never seemed to get tired of me. He loved to see me talk and just be myself. He showed me parts of me I didn't even know that existed. He was my ground, my blue. The person I could always expect to be there for me. Before him, the only time I was in a serious relationship was when I was in high school but we broke up right before leaving for university. It was young love anyway but after my high school sweetheart, the walls around me towered me like an impenetrable fort. I chose to bottle up my emotions, wait for them to overwhelm me, and then explode like a shaken fizzy bottle. Ezra changed things for me. Taught me new things and before I knew it I depended on him and him on me. We became one and the same and things were going so smoothly. I saw myself with him. Marriage. Kids. Family. Old age. And then reality came knocking down on my doors. It was a drunken mistake. A Ross and Rachel kind. We were not on a break alright but he cheated on me and things could never go back to the way it was. I was heartbroken. Absolutely crushed. All the walls that had chipped off brick by brick started forming around me instantly. I felt hopeless, lost, stranded. It made me start questioning everything. Did I really know him or did I let my love for him blind me when the red flags were raised? To make things worse this happened right before our trip to Busan. It was one of the things on our bucket list, to travel to a faraway land where no one knows you. It was supposed to be our first trip together. It took a very different turn from the one I expected and no one could have seen it coming. Or could they?

Keiko, undoubtedly, had my back and was a great source of help but no matter how hard she tried to cheer me up, the scar was too deep. Ezra knew me in a way no one else did and no one else ever will. I opened up to him in a way I had never done before, showed him my scars, my demons, my deepest fears and he chose to stay. He stuck with me and he helped me and I loved him with my entire being only to have him become a new scar, a new demon, a new fear. The fear of pistanthrophobia.

As the days neared our trip to Busan I found myself frowning at the air ticket. "You could still go by yourself, you know..." Keiko suggested nonchalantly. "I mean if that's what you want," she continued cautiously.

I thought deeply for a minute before turning my attention back to her.

"I'm going to Busan," I say slowly and clearly.

"What? Are you sure?" she asks, surprise evident in her tone.

"I'm going to Busan," I repeat myself almost trying to convince myself of what I had just admitted.

"Off you go then!! I'll help you pack!" she excitedly says as she throws an arm around my shoulder.

This was a week ago and I find myself smiling at the memory. If it wasn't for her push, I wouldn't be here at Shin Shin Hotel, located in the heart of Busan. 

I step out of the bathroom in my white bathrobe and make my way to the wardrobe. I choose a simple white t-shirt and blue jeans and slip them on. I dry my short hair carefully styling my wolf cut and curtain bangs. I wear my necklace around my neck which was Mom's birthday gift last year. I let my hair bounce off my shoulders and put on my sneakers and make my way to the buffet to get breakfast before it was too late. I still had 30 minutes before breakfast time was over so I had enough time for myself. 

After I was done with breakfast, I walked to the main lounge and sat on one of the plushy sofas. I frowned deep in thought. 

What do I do today... I asked myself. 

It was unlike me to not have every second of every day planned to the most intricate details. But something changed alright. I don't feel the usual need to stick to my carefully curated plans. I just wanted to feel free. Do something different. Free myself, discover myself all over again. 

In short, if I were a book, I wanted to rip myself, page by page, until there was nothing left on the spine of the book and slowly examine each and every page. I wanted to learn what made me happy again, what did I enjoy doing, who did I see myself as without you... without Ezra. 

Who am I now that you're no longer with me. When you left you took a piece of me with you. You made up my other half and without that other half who was I? Why did I let you become the center of my universe? The center of my being. Why did I give you that power? Why did I let you become my light? I frown at my thoughts and shake my head to stop thinking about him. Anything to not think about him. His touch, his warmth, his little kisses...

I sigh lifting myself off the sofa and walk to the main entrance. As soon as I'm out, I'm met with Busan's warm salty breeze. I stand and take deep breaths. Freeing my mind of all thoughts. 

"You got this. You're not alone. You're gonna be just fine," I say to myself slowly with my eyes tightly shut. 

"To new beginnings," I tell myself with a quiet chuckle as I spot a bus ahead of me and walk my way towards it. 

***

That was the first chapter my loves! What do you think about it? What are your thoughts on the protagonist? Don't forget to let me know in the comments and leave a like if you enjoyed the first chapter.

Put on your seatbelt and prepare yourselves! We're in for an exciting ride.

Oh and don't worry, you'll be seeing Jimin soon. A little too soon perhaps ;')