The Mafia Queen (Ateez Story)

36.

It's scary how mafia's can cover up a killing and never have the body found by the police. It had been two weeks since killing my awful adoptive mother. The day after I had killed her, Hakyeon had came over to see how I was and to tell me that I had nothing to worry about anybody finding her body.

But I was numb inside, how do one get over killing another person. I had locked myself in my room, staring at the wall. They all checked on me to see how I was doing but I wasn't much progress. My brother told ShinAe and the company that I was taking a absent leave for a few weeks or until I felt better enough to come back to work. He had temporarily took over while my father took over the family company until when I decided to come back and Hakyeon is able to go back to his company.

The covers were suddenly ripped off of me and I was thrown over a shoulder. "Put me down!" I struggled in his grip, hitting him in the back. It didn't even seem to bother him one bit as he adjusted me on his shoulder and held onto me. I had let out curses and more fits as he walked us through the living room where some of the others were in, watching the scene play out in front of them. I even heard one of them say "Are we sure about this?"

'Sure about what exactly?' I thought.

"Relax Angel we are going for a drive." I heard San's voice over my grunts of struggle. The thing is, I didn't want to go anywhere, I wanted to sulk over the grief of me killing my Mother.

With ease he was able to place me in the car, buckling me in. I sat there in a pout, he gave a small sincere smile while brushing my hair out of my face and kissing my forehead.

He shut the door, walking around to the drivers side. I watched him, making my heart hurt for acting the way I did. It was all silence through our drive. I did wonder where he was taking me too, when we came to a complete stop on the side of the road in town.

"Are you going to get out on your own or do I have to carry you on my shoulder again?" He asked. I didn't even give him a verbal response but my actions sure spoke louder than words did. I waited for him, looking around our surroundings. He twinged our fingers together when he took a hold of my hand, leading me into the unknown darkness of the streets.

When we stopped, we were in a dark ally with a bronze plate drilled into the brick wall. Silence resumed between the both of us while we stood there.

"This is the spot my father took me to do my first real training. The other were all a head of me because I was sick for two weeks with strep throat in high school of my freshman year. My Dad and I fought in front of my victim. I told him I couldn't and that I can't but he said suck it up boy. Don't show the signs of your weakness in front of your enemy.

That man was never an enemy. He was a man, a father trying to pay for his ten year old daughter chemotherapy treatments. When I learned that after I shot him under the moment of pressure, my guilt and grief for him and his family had torn me down to where I had to get therapy from a private illegal shrink so they wouldn't go running off to the police about a fifteen year old boy killing someone because his father pressured him into doing it. I tried to make amends with what I had done. I secretly paid a whole amount money for his wife didn't have to worry about her daughter treatments. Enough money for her to give her husband a memorial service for his funeral. I paid someone to put this plate up and every once in awhile I come here to pay my respects to him.

Angel, I don't want you fall into an unhealthy health because you can't move on from what is eating you alive. We all have demons and this one is one of them. It will be hard, extremely hard to move on but we are all here for you to talk about anything. We are all here to help you live day by day. We love you YoonAh and we don't want this to be your down fall like it was mine years ago."

It was silent again. Giving both moments to think.

"How do you do it now?" I wanted to know that if he was like me now years ago than how is he able to kill people.

"I learned to switch off my emotions when I need too. And remembering here helps grounds me to the grounded so I don't forget how far I've came. Do you want to learn how to switch it all off?"

Did I want to switch my bad emotions off? Feeling this grief for someone who honestly doesn't deserve made me feel like it wasn't me but she was my mother and she had lacking years of raising me. Hakyeon didn't seem to be grieving about his mother. He actually showed that he was fine. Strong enough to deal with this certain stuff. I actually hated how I was feeling. Feeling for what exactly? A toxic bitch that wanted to ruin my life.

"Yes." I told him now certain with my choice.

"Close your eyes Angel." I did what he told me to do. Closing my eyes and waiting for him to continue. "Imagine your grief, your guilt and anything else you feel as a ball. Imagine it being a certain color, certain size. What does it look like?" He instructed. I could actually see all the negative feelings I had in this imaginary ball. I could see it as a small black sun. "Now imagine it on fire. And while it's on fire replace those feelings with happy feelings, a new color, new size."

I watched my ball catch on fire, burning the negativity away. I felt it replacing it with a happy feeling until the fire let out. It was now a pretty Royal dark red. There was some relief that lifted off my chest. I felt happy again, unbothered by that fact I had killed my mother two weeks ago. I opened my eyes to see San watching me closely. His eyes sparkled in the dark alley. Showing nothing but love in them.

"How do you feel Angel?" He closed the gap in between us, letting his hands cup my face while he looked down at me.

"I feel better, thank you."

"No problem, let's go back home there's someone or somebodies that are missing you."