Haven ( Book one )

Thirteen

They always say that it's good to live life without regrets, I personally disagree, because in order for you to learn, you have to regret. I have a lot of regrets. A lot of things I wish I did differently, a lot of choices that I wish I didn't make. But it's all part of life, everything we do is all part of life. At the end of the day, we're only sixteen years old, but we're fighting battles like we're twenty-five. I didn't realise how much I've not cherished the fact that I'm still so young. I'm out here trying to solve a murder mystery, while balancing a relationship. When really, I should just be studying, and focusing on school. I should be thinking about where I want to go to college, I have no idea by the way. I have absolutely no clue what I want to do with my life, or where I want to go after graduation. I'm not really good at anything, nothing has ever fitted where it was supposed to. I have a lot of hobbies but none of them have ever been there for me through everything. I need something I could do, something I know that will stick.
I've always loved writing books, especially romance novels, it has always been my favourite genre. But to be a writer, it takes so much hard work and effort, and not everyone that tries, makes it, so trying to become a writer is a very long shot. And if it doesn't work, then I need something to fall back on and right now, I have absolutely nothing. I have good grades in every subject, but I'm still struggling to figure out what I want to do. I don't know why, but nothing seems to be the right direction for me. I don't want to spend years studying something just for me to not like the job.  I want to do something that I know I'm going to love forever, and that's why I'm going to struggle with trying to find something that's right for me.

Still speaking on the theme of regrets, I know that friends are going to tell me that I made the wrong choice by quitting boarding school. I just couldn't stay there any longer. Too many things were wrong at that school, I couldn't be out here dealing with relatives I didn't even know I had. Meeting my father for the first time wasn't exactly a bed of roses, it still isn't. I know my friends are going to talk me out of this, but even if I listen, what's the point? There's more cons being at that school, than pros.

My friends and I were at The Little Blue Cafe. It's very special to us, our parents used to take us here when were young. I was talking to them about all my problems, and telling them the reason why I decided to quit. Just then, Harrison walked in. He saw me sitting at the table, and then he walked up to where I was sitting. He grabbed a chair, and sat down next to me. I looked at him and that's when he said "hey babe, I knew that I would find you here. When I realised that you wasn't in school, I knew that this would be the only other place you would go." I hadn't gotten to the part where I told my friends that I had a man. They looked at me and then Jhayde asked "you have a boyfriend? Why did you fail to mention this?" I looked at her and then I responded with "I was going to mention it. I just hadn't gotten to that part yet." Harrison looked at me and then he said "shit, this is the part where I'm supposed to introduce myself, isn't it?" I nodded and that's when Harrison said "my name is Harrison, everyone calls me Harry, though. I met Haven when she came to Luna Coast. We've only been dating for about a week." Freylin looked at me and then she looked at Harrison, and she said "well, maybe you can talk some sense into your girlfriend. She's leaving Luna Coast, permanently." I looked at Freylin and then I responded with "well technically, I've already left. And I don't plan on going back." Harrison looked at me and then he asked "you've left Luna Coast?" I nodded and then Harrison took a deep breath. He looked at me and then he continued to say "you are unbelievable. When the going gets tough, you get going. I know that you have your family problems, and I know that they are taking a toll on you. Bur let's not forget that I also have my own problems, including the fact that my cousin was murdered, and I'm a suspect in her investigation, when everybody knows that I would never lay a hand on Sapphire. You're not the only one with problems, Haven. Did I just get up and leave, though? No, no I didn't. Did I think about it. Yes, yes I did. But then I realised that my personal issues aren't worth quitting something good. After Sapphire died, I was so ready to just go, just completely leave this place. Should I tell you what kept me here? You. You kept me here, knowing that I would still have you kept me here. Losing you was the biggest mistake I ever made, I lost you once, I can't lose you again. so Haven, listen to me, you are not quitting, no matter how hard it gets. You are going to stay, and you are going to fight your battles, like the strong, independent woman that you are. You're not going to let your family problems take you down, because it's not worth it. It's not worth leaving because of the lows. When one day, you're going to have extremely high, highs. And you're not going to want to miss them, so you may be in the low period right now, but the best things come to those who wait, and waiting will be your biggest achievement this year. No matter what, it's one hundred percent worth it, because everything that we do it's for a purpose. It doesn't matter what we have to go through to get there, but Haven, I love you. You can't leave, so even if you're not doing it for yourself, do it for me, because I can't lose you again." I looked at Harrison and then I said "it's so hard right now. Everything is just crumbling below my feet." He nodded and then he responded with "I know, I know. I've seen you wake up every morning, you put a smile on your face. I know you're not happy. The smile you had when you first came to the school, that's your real smile. I saw that for about two weeks, and then I never saw it again. Luna Coast can soul crushing, sometimes. I'm telling you this from personal experience, I've been there since I was six years old. I've been through some of my best moments there, but I've also been through some of my worse. You just have to keep fighting." I nodded, and then that's when Jhayde said "Harrison's right. You can't let a bump in the road, ruin your entire experience. It will get better. Also, I'm telling you this right now, he's a keeper. Don't let him go, don't lose him. There's not many guys who are still like that." I smiled, and then Freylin replied with "Jhayde is right. Harrison is right. Take all of our advice into consideration. We're not asking you to make a choice right now, you've got the whole of Christmas break to dwell on it. But come January, you need to know what you're going to do. Hopefully you make the right decision, for yourself, and for your relationship." I took a deep breath and then I said "I appreciate all three of you. You guys are the most important people in my life. I don't want to make any of you guys unhappy. But, I'd be lying if I said that I'm going back. It's something that I really need to think about. I really need to process what I want, and what's best for me and my mental health. Right now, school isn't helping. I'm mentally exhausted, I'm physically exhausted, and I'm emotionally exhausted. School did that to me. Nothing else. Just school. Being at that school, completely drained me. So, I need some time. Freylin, you're right. I have the whole of Christmas break. I'll let you guys know my decision in January. I'm really tired, so imma head home." They nodded, and then I got up and left.

I don't think anyone understands, I don't even think that they understand. That school ruined my mental health. I don't have motivation to do anything. I thought I would really enjoy Luna Coast, but I'm not. I thought it would've been a fun, new experience for me. It was definitely new, but it wasn't fun. I'm absolutely miserable, everything is capsizing, and I don't know how to bring it back up to shore. I just wish my mother hadn't lied to me. If she didn't, none of this would've happened. But the fact that she's known, and she kept that from me, it's not fair. It's not fair on me, and it's not fair on Myles. He now has to accept the fact that he has a sister. He knew that he had one, but was told that she died. Only for him to find out, that his father just kept the truth from him.

I love Luna coast Academy, I think it's an amazing school. I've made so many friends there, I've done so many things that I didn't think I would get to do. I was listening to what Harrison said, and I want to believe him, I want to believe him so badly, but I don't know if I can. Ever since I got there, everything has just been on a downward spiral, and it keeps on going down. I don't know what to do, I want to find a way to make it work, I want to be able to stay at Luna Coast, and I want to graduate there. But I don't know how I'm going to do that, I want to believe that everything will work itself out, but it won't. I realise that even if I leave, my problems are still going to be there. There's still going to be a burden on top of me, and I just want my problems to be gone, but my problems won't be gone, until I make them disappear. And the only way I can make them disappear, is by facing them. That's my biggest fear, facing my problems. Because it involves actually trying, I'm so used to not trying and letting everything work itself out. I know that in this case, that's not going to happen. I need to figure out a way to make everything right for myself, that's the only way I'm going to be able to stay at Luna Coast, otherwise, I might as well not come back. I used to believe that was the best option, but now I'm not so sure. My friends have convinced me otherwise, Harrison has convinced me otherwise. I don't want to leave him, he's such an amazing person. He's sacrificed so much just to be with me, I don't want to jeopardise that because of my selfish reasons. I really want to make things work between us, but I know it's going to be difficult, especially if we don't go to the same school. I just need to find a way to stop being so misanthropic, and actually start having a conversation with people, without having the disgust of having to talk to human species. I don't like people, I never have, and I probably never will. But I know that if I don't find a way to have a proper conversation with people, I will get absolutely nowhere in life. It's going to be a challenge, but I'll get there in the end. I'll find a way, for my sake, just as much as everyone else's.